BPDFamily.com

Hi,

First of all I want to take a moment to wish everyone who uses this support group a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  The holidays are stressful for people with mentally healthy family members and for those of us with mentally ill family members it can be extremly difficult.  I have been using this site since April of this year and have found much help and coping here.  Thank you!

Well as I mentioned in earlier posts my sister is UBPD and after 12 years of the typical ups and downs... .things hit bottom in March and we have been no contact since.  My mother (widowed x 29yrs) has been NC since about the week before Thanksgiving and had been minimal contact prior to that since March.  We are the only 2 children.

My mom lives about 2 miles from my sister in the country about 17 miles from a grocery store with few neighbors.  I live 2.5hrs away.  My mom has a significant other that lives in the town in the town.  I have been encouraging my mom to move to town and move off the farm.  When I spoke to my therapist she agreed that these were valid concerns of mine and she has also seen my mother and concers she needs to move away for her own safety.  So that was the validation I needed.  Sometimes I get so overwhellmed by this situation that I am not sure I am even seeing the big picture.  My mom's brother has also talked to her and encouraged her.  She called me today and want's my husband and I to look at a condo with her the day after Christmas... .  I am so happy and just hope all works well. 

It was so hard for me to Christmas shop this year. I always enjoyed shopping for my sister's 4 kids and was so excited to see them open their gifts.  This year I got the 3 older kids gift cards and a little gift for the younger one.  I am sorta prepared to get the gifts sent back to me, a sarcastic thank you and anything in between.  My husband went to the post office with it.  Each step was so difficult knowing they have been told horrible lies about me. 

My mom and her friend are going to spend Christmas together and my family and I will see her Thrusday and Friday. 

One question I have that I don't really understand and I welcome any input.  My therapist states BPD's fear abandonment.   If they fear apandoment why do they behave to the ones closest to them in a way you have no choice but to abandon them?  I can understand most things I read and understand the pathology of the illness but I don't understand the abandonment ?  thanks

Hang in there, enough abuse.   I know how stressful the holidays can be.


Many people with BPD don't realize how disruptive their behavior is... .there are some people who are self-aware enough to recognize how their behavior affects others, though. The ones who aren't self-aware simply don't see how they push people away. People with NPD traits may think that everyone else is "wrong." At the root, though, is that fear of abandonment, and for some people with BPD, they expect people to abandon them and therefore the pwBPD pushes people away. It's a "I'm going to leave you before you leave me," mentality.

I hope that you do find some joy and happiness on Christmas.