BPDFamily.com

  Hi all. Been wondering whether my uBPDxgf's regular use of certain phrases is related to her BPD or just an unrelated habit. The reason I wonder is that some of them seem like empty slogans that she never lives up to, while others have proven to be  red-flag  that what she has just said, or is about to say next, is a lie.

   Some of the slogans are "Utmost respect", ( lol she has none for herself, let alone anyone else) and "Kids first", (usually uttered around 11pm as her young kids are being kept awake by her raging).

   The  red-flag sayings include ":)on't get me wrong" (before a lie), "Nothing suss" (after a lie) and "Because I can" (usually indicates she's gonna get drunk/stoned/laid/all of the above).

    Any thoughts?  *)

Whether or not it is a sign of BPD I don't know, what I do know is that my exBPDgf also used a lot of the same phrases, particularly in relation to people she is romantically involved with.  In the end, they are all empty. 

They include... .

"You're the only real man I've ever met."

"You'll never find anyone who can love you like me."

"You're my person."

"You're the only one who gets me."

"I would never cheat."

"You have ruined me for all other men."

"I never thought someone like you existed."

"We are soul mates."

The more I learn about BPD the more it seems to me that although people who have it are erratic when compared to Nons, they seem to operate on some very distinct patterns.  The boards on here are filled with so many similar stories, it's amazing.  The way I see it is if you study a bunch of Nons, you will start to get a grasp on how they behave and how they will react.  Study enough people with BPD and you will begin to see patterns as well.  Different then the patterns in Nons, but patterns none the less.  In fact, it seems to me, and this is only my opinion, their patterns are far less deserve then the patterns you will see in Nons.   

My ex operated by "scripts" he had ready for use in various social settings. I only realized this after I found he would repeat the same things to different audiences at different times. It was like he did not know how to just be real wherever he was. He had to be prepared ahead of time. I think this is one reason why he was so erratic at times when we were one on one, because he was not prepared when I would respond to him "off script," or not as he expected.

"Have I told you x? Don't remember/know" Before telling something.

First it was annoying, because repeating constantly the phrase either implied he generally did not remember our conversations or he repeated the same story to so many people that he could not remember whether I was already among the ones who have been informed.

Later I realized this is a NPD thing - self-centered and self-absorbant conversation where the other has the role of full with empathy but passive public. Plus a bit of downgrading the role of the other and slightly poking. My first akward feeling about these questions was a natural but yet not fully aknowledged realization that something was very flawed about the way he treated me.

It's been four days since I was told not to contact and was a weirdo and freak. I kept thinking of all the things she used to say to me and how she could think that I was a weirdo and freak after all the things she used to say to me. It's just about every statement in this thread.

"You're a real man. I never thought I'd like a mans man, but your what I like"

"You make me feel so safe"

"Sex is something sacred in a relationship" (but BPD was kinky and held a huge double standard on what she could talk about and I could).

"I'm the type of girl that I can't have sex unless I'm in a committed relationship". (Then would routinely ask me our relationship didn't work out if we could have sex)

":)on't touch me in public it's disrespectful to me, it makes me look like one of those girls". (But BPD could grab me anytime anywhere any part of my body in public)

"You are such a good man" (Said everyday to me)

I didn't know BPD existed until a few days ago, but realize now all these lines and even the double standard with the way she was sexually is what got me hooked in such a short period of time. Wow... .Just thinking she must say this to everyone does hurt.--- I just auditioned for lead man in a movie I didn't know I auditioning for. Now I've been asked to exit stage right and there's probably another guy auditioning. Merry Christmas

My exUBPDgf would repeatedly use this phrase all throughout her social media(FB/IG/Twitter, even had it as her wall art on FB at one time): "Actions speak louder than words." And in devaluation both times, would hurl this phrase in my face multiple times. Funny thing is, my words followed my actions and vice versa. It was her actions that were ___ing atrocious. What a godawful disorder this is, friends.

lol Interesting she should use that one, Ironman. Towards the end of my r/s, I told my then-gf that a major problem was that her actions never matched her words.

     I pity her more than dislike her, though. Weird, isn't it?  

"Actions speak louder than words" is the trusty AK47 assault rifle in a BPD's armoury!

It will NEVER wear out & suits ALL situations!

 Interesting piece of semi-related trivia - I saw on the news only a day or two ago that ol' Mr Kalashnikov (inventor of the AK47) died. Apparently he once said it wasn't guns, but policies, that killed people.  Sounds familiar to an empty NRA slogan!

There is no winning against that phrase. I remember having to tell Medusa my broken record line ":)o you even hear what you are saying to me?" As always, to no effect.


You are right Moonie. There is no effective countermeasure to that. It is why/most likely the reason why she would use it so readily.