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"Merry Christmas hit_____ (my last name)" was what I got emailed to me.

Erm... .wow, thanks?  (I'm not actually replying!)

Very bizarre.  I'm not impressed with her using my last name.  Slightly too familiar for my liking.  She used to call me that when we were together.

I now see what people mean about this being an attachment disorder.

She's clearly still painting me black  (no kiss on the end of the message) so why bother messaging at all?

Funnily enough, it didn't bother me as much as it would have done in the past.

So she's having a very merry Christmas with her new fiancee and her whole new life, and new friends... .(I presume, anyway) yet she still feels the need to send me that email?

Weird.  For once, I'm not analysing it.  Just another sign of her unpredictability!

Merry Christmas all!

I have not directly heard(apart from unknown texts/calls) from my exUBPDgf since July 12th of this year. Of course it is a blessing to not hear from her as all she has brought into my life is brutal discards yet the non-acknowledgment still hurts, nonetheless. Not a good day, friends.

I know what you mean, it's nice to get that acknowledgement that you're still thought about... .

But I guarantee you, your ex will still think about you, it's hard-wired in them, even if they're not impulsive enough to send a message... .maybe they're stopping themselves.  I didn't hear from my ex for months, then got a message saying she missed me sometimes... .which leads me to believe she missed me a LOT and was playing it down (she would have hated to admit she missed me, must have choked her!) :P

So yeah.  Rest assured, your ex will have thought of you today.  I hope the rest of the day isn't a wash out, and you can at least enjoy time off work or whatever (if you have the day off)

I got mine :| about 1 month after strict NC started by me (I was also the one who broke up with her).

Long story short I have received odd Christmas wishes for me and my family (the text included some stupid emotion icons like "". I think there is no sense in understanding this craziness. Since I have deleted her # I replied with "I don't know who you are but same for you too". She replied with "THX :-)" -- which was probably another mind game to lure me back into communication and thinking who wrote this mysterious message to me. I didn't reply. This is beyond my comprehension especially now when she found another target (replacement). I would like to think it was normal 'human gesture' but it wasn't.    

No acknowledgement for me either! It really p!##es me off!

Cant stop checking my phone!

Just want to get through these bloody holidays and get back to normal!

And thats when shell pounce... .When I least expect it!

Stay strong guys. I hope we all get through this!

Merry christmas wherever you all are. :-)

Mine sent nice messages (complete with kisses) asking where to leave my presents?

I didn't reply.

Then sent her brother round with them day before Xmas eve.

I told him to return them to her.

Then another txt telling me the gifts were at her parents for me to collect!

I didn't reply.

Heard nothing yesterday or today. I think it may have finally got through?

Zordon - Sorry but I actually laughed out loud at your reply! I'm going to hell!  

Naddred - You're right, expect the unexpected... .mine always seemed to text/message after anniversaries/special dates - not on the day.  Almost like she was sitting on her hands until she exploded and couldn't do so anymore... .

Moonie - well done for staying strong!  Isn't easy though, I know.  Fingers crossed the message has got through!

Yep after 2 months NC (old record 13 days) I "broke down" and texted her "Merry Christmas. Hope you and the kids have a nice holiday together. Miss you guys. C-"

to which she replied (6 hours later) " Hey! Thanks ! You too! Hope you get to spend some time with the boys. Hope its fun!"------

It's so bittersweet for me. I am happy about the acknowledgement as she ignored my previous cards/texts back in October and I hadn't heard a peep since Oct 25 ... .I had stuck to NC for two months but I just couldn't help myself at Xmas... .So I dust myself off and start again... .I did not reply to her text but even tho it was fairly impersonal and weird I am happy for whatever reason she knows I'm still alive.

It wont change anything tho. BPD and NPD always win. Undefeated lifetime record. UGH!

Merry Christmas fellow bpdfamily friends.

God bless you all

Chuck

I did think about sending her a gift wrapped nail bomb!

Been recycled twice before after she left. But I busted her lying this time & I walked out of her life & into NC.

So though we've parted twice before, the dynamics are different this time & I'm in unchartered

waters!

The only thing we can predict with certainty, is unpredictability!

I hope the X thinks of me today!  After all of her sad stories of Christmases past, I spent the last three making them as happy as possible only to be told, "wow, this has a certain lackluster".  Grrrr :'(

But? I know in my heart of hearts that I did do my best, as rescuer, (gag) lover, friend, emotional caretaker extroidinaire.

I am sad today, sad but ok.  And?  I am special, she did loose the best thing to ever cross her troubled path.

I should feel pity for her, but I am not there yet.  The truth is I spoke my truth, nailed her on her crap after all this time, and for that I was discarded, thrown away like a piece of trash.

CiF

I did not.

My ex had my kid call me at 10AM this morning and after about a minute, she told me that my daughter didn't want to talk to me and they'd call back later. No return call yet.

Yep! Check, after 3 weeks of silence. I send her back the same. No doubt she is fishing... .let her fish, I know what she is up to  

She'll come back like always and I need to make sure I keep polite and my guard up!

ugh…I got a "merry christmas" last night (eve)

A phone call first thing this morning followed by an "if you are

getting these messages I am thinking of you guys today"

followed by an " I miss you" and then an "I'm sorry"

It is breaking my heart to not at least acknowledge him and say

happy christmas or something but I can't go there…I can't get

sucked in.  My last 3 christmas have now been consumed with

mental anguish over him and while I am hurting today at least

I am not panicking in a chaotic text war or having to fight in front

of my children over who knows what…just a pure emotional roller coaster

of chaos. I have to stay off this ride…but dang its very painful

Happy holidays and all the best to each of you!

Gah - I ended up responding.  With a simple "You too!".

I know she'll see that I read the message, so whatever.

I don't want any enemies in life.

The thing that made me laugh was that on fb you can see where the message was sent from, if the settings are so... .and I can see that she's in the town where her new fiancee's parents live, so she's clearly spending the holidays with her in-laws to be.

Bet she's feeling uncomfortable, and thus felt the need to "cling on" to somebody from her past, that made her feel stable, even with a simple message.

For somebody so unpredictable, she sure is predictable... .

She tried reaching out to me over thanksgiving. I did not reply. She tried a month before that. No response. I will not have need to speak with her again. I did not receive Ana attempt this Christmas. I think she got the message. Game over

Nothing for me. I no longer exist.

But actually (maybe, not sure), I think I'm ok with that.

Since my birthday is on the 21st, I got a msg from her that read... ." Happy birthday, I haven't forgotten despite everything xox."

   

I got a Christmas message.  I was the one who went fishing for it though.  

I sent a simple merry Christmas wish.  I know I should not have but I feel strongly that christmas is a time for forgiveness and to be kind to people.  That and I knew it would shock her after 6 months NC.  I got a "merry Christmas to you too."  

I do miss her and I doubt that she is really having a merry Christmas even though she may appear to be, with the new guy, considering her own son did not want to spend the day with her and she does not speak to her family.  

I got the  , merry Christmas. I miss you so much then a long list of all the mean things he did to me how sorry he is and could I please forgive him .it was so strange then he tells me about how his family and kids love me. He goes on and one like during the worship time in our relationship.then as normal it turns to oh poor him he isn't loved by anyone not even the one person he loves the most he even calls me his proverb 31 woman.then the song I should download begging to come see me. When I don't answer it goes in to him asking me why I hate him he said I will do anything for you. Then he leaves me a email about all the lady's from work took him out to lunch and a woman he met in the pass week yea right takes him to dinner.but she's so tired that he has to follow her home but she says no and oh my she got pulled over he goes on and on how he should have driven her home.boy would just like our first months . I feel bad for theses woman getting sucked into Mr wonderful it won't last long again More woman hurt. I am blessed it's not me this time.

Ya, it's so bizarre. I got a Merry Xmas :) who knows why cause there's pictures of him on fb clearly enjoying my replacement and the new family. He looks happy…I'm a little surprised there's not an engagement announcement actually- that's what i predicted but it could still be coming. I don't know why he messaged me but it could just be that he's wanting to alleviate his guilt- it's Christmas?

I don't think I'll hear from him again for a long while now. Although it was nice to be acknowledged (as it is by anyone) I clearly didn't want to engage and all the old feelings came up and I thought oh- I'm so glad that's not my problem anymore and I am free. It was a lot of fun in many ways but I paid too high a price!

Your post struck a chord Vangirl60

I too got a supposedly sincere merry Christmas "wherever you are and who ever you are with". I have been NC now for nearly 3 weeks and determined to stay so. I wanted to respond but have not. Quietly proud of myself and know I must remain NC. The feelings and memories of all the pain, sadness, cheating, splitting all came up. I know eventually he will hopefully stop contact. He obviously does not have a replacement of any value yet.

I wish everyone a 2014 of healing, happiness and the true partner you deserve who has the capacity to love and care properly. I never want to go through the 3 years I have just gone through with my ex BPD BF. I never even knew the disorder existed until recently.

I got mine last night.   Not a surprise really.   There is so much "hype" around the holidays, that I think its difficult for everyone, disordered or not to resist the urge to contact.

Thank all my lucky stars I was asleep when the text came in and managed to sleep through the beep of the cell.

Now to get through the New Year.  Which is going to be more difficult in my situation because we broke up on Jan 1st of last year. 

And just now I got another one, apologising for messaging me but that she just wanted to wish me a merry Christmas.

Erm yeah, you already said that?

I'm not replying to that one.

Very bizarre. 

ooh i got a christmas facebook block... .

I wonder why? I had only been unblocked a few weeks

Oooh Undone - oh dear!  Seems like the sentimentality may have been all too much for her/him and she/he needs to convince herself/himself you're a bad bad person by blocking you... .interesting for sure.

That makes some sense :) but I am pretty sure I have been replaced... .

I don't think the two things are necessarily mutually exclusive... .they can be in another relationship yet still have the unresolved feelings - they just block them whilst they're with that person. My ex is now engaged to a new girl, yet when they were first together, she'd be emailing me loads, ranting, apologizing, being sweet, sentimental, being upset... .the works.  Of course, when her new gf was around, she was distracted, so I never heard from her at those times... .

That makes sense... .I was blocked when replacement 1 was around. He was around 5 months. I think I've been 6 weeks maybe more unblocked and another replacement is around.

I have a feeling my ex BPD is scared of me finding out. She percieves me as a threat maybe... .A threat to the replacements.

She knows me very well, as well as I know her. I have the feeling I am the only ex who has really unravelled her beyond the just "shes crazy"... .I have put the pieces together and found that she is disordered.

I think the threat of exposure might worry her... .and to be honest I can see why. I have some unhealthy traits myself. I am a bit ADD, very punishment resistant, fearless, and my narcissism can go beyond healthy at times if I truly believe something. At those times I can be "pig headed"... .I have questioned whether I am a narc/psychopath loads. And although there are some traits there, I love and empathize... .If I didn't empathise I wouldn't have worked this out, looked into myself, and I would have completely devalued and blamed her, and I am definitely not a narc. I hate praise, tend to keep a lot of my achievements quiet, and I am also in the top 2% of intellect, which is something only me, and ed psychologist, and now you know.

Whats unhealthy though, is I loved her so much partly because I found her fascinating and would never have grown tired of her, had we had healthy boundaries.

i also don't lie, cheat, abuse etc. have morals etc.

Sounds like you're way more introspective than she'll ever be.

I agree about the "finding out" thing -

Once, when my ex was upset about something and not making sense, and blaming me,  I asked her calmly "is this what happened with X?" (her ex-best friend she used to live with).  Her eyes went dark, a rage came over her and she screamed "How dare you?" (because initially I'd heard it was ALL the ex-best friend's fault as to why they fell out... .

We are much better off now!  Hard though.

Pretty sure that if you think you are a narcissist, then you are not one.

  I am almost at the ONE YEAR demarcation of no contact,  the last of the special occasions to have such false expectations of validation will have passed once New Years eclipses... .  we were finished,  the last death roll, just after what seemed like a last hurrah last new years.    But yes, privately,  I was yearning to get a message or card at Christmas,  everyday I had hoped one of the cards in the mail would be her,   but felt deep nervousness at the thought at the same time.    No contact,  and I knew the ball could no longer be in my court.   3 unexpected random text/phone contacts by her within first six months ended each one in abrupt disconnect,  peeling off scab all three times... .after June, her birthday,  all contact has permanently ended.    I still yearn for it... .  Still healing.    The only regret is how solitary my life is,  and that amplifies the ruminations... .so I believe it will be a subconscious battle that is gonna haunt me for quite some time... .   I must say,  as normal as I am,  I'd never believe these dynamics of borderline existed had I not lived it and become affected it by it.   I call it the perfect storm.    No other girl every had the power to pull me in,  beat me up,  discard me,  and left me yearning for them ...   at least I understand the psychology at play, on both sides.       Damn, I wanted a simple text... .just ONE... .  and I believe this holiday was indeed the last hurrah of unhealthy HOPE.    Someone come smack me.   

I got nothing from him... .he comes and goes. I did not hear from him for 23 years.  The last year of my life with him back in it ( by text) has been hell. His sister even unfriended me on Facebook this morning... .she has made my life hell too. I should be happy to be rid of two very disorded people. Maybe I am upset at the venom she is spreading about me since I stopped texting her about her brother texting me and pulled back from the situation.

My husband is a saint to put with me after my last year with these two back in my life. I guess I should be thankful they are gone.

Spartan999- I hear you. I was kinda hoping I'd hear and then as soon as I did I realized he wasn't doing it out of the goodness of his heart. I think he was probably overwhelmed with feelings and looking for someone he could engage with and then paint black (triangulate). I'm glad I realized what was up this time. Previously I would have responded and eventually asked him how things were going, he would of said great and then made me feel bad by saying something mean. He probably doesn't want to be negative with the replacement so he's looking for someone to vent his frustrations out on. He's with a new woman and her whole family (about 8-10 months now) and I'm sure it was a challenge to hold it together all day.

Starlight607- Please remain NC! I didn't- I thought I could stay in contact and all it did was prolong the healing. It's really true what everyone here says- they are right! When they contact it is only to serve some purpose of their own, meet some need they have, it's never about us. NEVER. The faster and earlier you accept that the better off you'll be. I'm now resenting that I took so long to see this because I've wasted a lot of time when I could of been moving forward. It's taken soo long to move forward because of intermittent contact. I was with mine for 3 years and I've been out for 2 and it's just recently I'm beginning to make solid steps forward. I really see that his Merry Xmas : ) yesterday eve was merely he looking for a cat to kick. Mean son of a b…… really! I would guess he's trying to keep new replacement as saviour by having others to devalue/paint black. Well, I'm not going to be that person anymore! As soon as they pull you back in, even in the smallest way, you're shot at again.

And ya, they'll pull you back in when there's no solid replacement in hand. But don't kid yourself, they're definitely working on it- testing out various candidates/possibilities till they find one that fills the bill!

I had made it clear to her not to contact me anymore, that I'm having a hard time moving on and that no contact would be the best for me. I told her if it's an emergency to leave a message.  About two weeks she texted me, "How ru doing?" I didn't reply.  Then on Christmas day I thought for sure that she would message me something. I don't get many messages on my phone.  Late in the day it came. "Merry xmas Mikey".  And for some reason, it just ticked me off royally!  To use a term of endearment while she's sitting in her new boyfriend's house that she moved into a week or so after proclaiming her "love" for him.  I really wanted to text her back the first time with "how the "f" do you think I'm doing?" and the one on Christmas I just wanted to tell her and her new boyfriend to go straight to hell.  I guess I've moved into the anger stage.  I guess it's better than the sad ruminating.  Merry xmas. Yeah, right.

Thanks  Vangirl60

I have taken on board your advice and will remain NC. That part of my life is over and like you still healing. Thank you for confirming what my head says. My heart does weaken but so far thank goodness it is losing!

Haha TinCanMike- that's EXACTLY how I felt yesterday when I got the text-angry! Here he is about to sit down to xmas dinner with replacement and her family and he sends text? F….You! God, I wonder how much that new chick and her family know…

Mine was:

Merry Christmas.  I truly hope we can be friend when your anger subsides :)

Just reengagement yet again.   NOT happening.

D

Just got mine.

"hope you had a nice christmas. All the best."

Now what do I do?

Was just gonna put "thanks"

Ive been through hell these last few days, so down its unreal.

What should I do?

HELP!

Naddred,

Do not reply. As much as you are aching to, do not reply.

i got one letter that covered Thanksgiving, Christmas, AND New Year's!  

icu2  

Naddred,

Do what you must!  Be free!

D

Does New Year count? If yes, then I also got one.

He asks since a year passed can we start chatting again, he understands if I do not want to. Adds X at the end.

Nothing about him starting NC 6 months ago even after I asked him to stay in my life. It is a new year - so we can start again "chatting" - pretty neutral word given the situation I was in and him. 

Not sure whether it is worth replying or leaving like this. Maybe leaving better?

I got nothing from her at Christmas or New Year.

Woohoo!