BPDFamily.com

So another thread started going off on a tangent on mirroring so I thought I would start a specific thread about this.

Here is my question.

I am wondering how I am going to navigate a new relationship in the future in a healthy way. I will need to be careful so as to not give away too much about my wants, needs and desires so someone doesn't mirror me or even just tell me what they think I want to hear. 

However, when you meet a new person after a little time you don't want to be too guarded so as to seem secretive because that for me would be a big red flag if someone did this. I think it is my part to let them know about me as much as I want to know about them so that we can see if we are compatible. I am concerned with how to balance this. I know not to get into too much personal information quickly but where is the line? Does anyone else have this concern? How do you think this should be dealt with?

Also, if anyone has any interesting mirroring stories to share that might be helpful for awareness. And maybe just a little bit fun!

This would probably get a better response on the other board:

New Relationships & Dating (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=16.0)

I have the same concerns. I totally fell for the mirroring technique. I'll certainly try to watch out for it next time. You can't question everything because that's basically accusing them of being a liar. I think you really just have to pay close attention to how often it starts happening and when it's becoming way too often, then become suspicious.

I'll get to some mirroring stories when I have more time.

Great idea for a topic.

I think the ex mirrored past friends more than she mirrored me. Is that possible?  I will say that she almost certainly mirrored my habits and my likes and wants. She "dressed" me and we more often than not went to restaurants that she would choose. If I was doing something she didn't like she just wouldn't go with me. She didn't really like to do much but hang around the house and go to dinner. (Later on in the relationship she strong armed me to where I wouldn't go at all).

I can't really remember too much specific mirroring me except when she would repeat what I said while we were having sex. She did that a lot.

Oh sorry if this is the wrong place. I am not nearly ready for starting to date so I never even think to go on that board and forgot it was even there. I was just thinking about this based on another thread so I thought I would ask. If the mods want to move this that's fine.

I'm not a mod. I thinks its fine here and you will get responses. Just consider your audience (I include myself in this statement). Things like this have been discussed there, by people actually dating :^)

A certain amount of mirroring is inevitable. Establishing a connection. It's impossible to be original. Everything has already been said. Everything has been done. There is nothing that you can say or do that hasn't been said or done. We all share a common reality.

Deep huh... .