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    In my case, my kids were a little older (certainly not toddlers) and I was able to ask them to write down their thoughts.  I did not coerce, force or intimidate them into doing it. I just asked them.  (I must say, ... .I asked them over and over again, over a time frame but I did not annoy them into accomplishing the task. I said to them to think of it as a homework assignment but rather than the teacher giving them the project, it is me instead). They did not want to get their mom into trouble. And I knew this is what they were thinking.

    I was very patient. I planted the seed for them to write their thoughts down on paper and they did. But I took about a year for them to actually do it.  They did write a one page blurb and it was so insightful.

    I used it in my legal proceedings and it was so very helpful.  Remember, in any dispute one has to not be in a state of he said/she said.  It was so very useful to show the proper people a paper of your own child's handwriting with their viewpoint on things.

   

That's so interesting.

What questions did you ask them to answer?

I did not give them a series of Q's at all, ... .  or for that matter anything to guide them. I simply asked them to write down their thoughts and that was it. 

Here is the letter that my daughter wrote (and her brother co-signed): (it was written on a student Hil-roy lined notebook)

Dear Mom,

    (her brother's name) and I love you very much, but you have changed over the last few years. At times we don't feel safe around you and we are scared. We have also noticed that you drink more than you should. Your temper is out of control at times and you can't stop yelling. I think that you need to stop drinking all together in order to get your life back in order/on track. Sometimes you forget about (brother's name) and I because you have been drinking. You sleep through out the day and rarely are able to put food on the table for us. Personally, I think that you have a mental health issue, and that is why you yell, scream and throw things. It is in our own best interest that you move out of the house so (brother's name), dad and I can live there untill you are better. We are not doing this to hurt you, we are trying our best to help you,

Sincerely,

(daughter's name)

(her brother's name)


And that was it. The letter was printed out in my daughter's own hand writing. I asked them repeatedly to write anything down that they saw, thought or feel about the things that they witnessed. I did give my kids a deadline that on a certain date I am going to the courts to deal with things and I need 'something' from them. I was expecting my daughter to start off with ":)ear Lawyer" or ":)ear Judge" ... .but after she wrote it and signed it I began to weep when I saw how it started: ":)ear Mom".  Like me all they want is to "get thru" to their mom. But this is impossible with a BPD person.

Oh, ... I should mention a little thing that I always wanted to say on these forums. It is about animals. We have two dogs. Have you ever watched a show about animals that can 'sense' when an earthquake or something terrible is going to happen? Well, ... our two dogs literally are scared 'sh**-less' around my wife. They tremble, and shake with fear in the presence of my wife that is BPD. They know, ... .they just do. They know that something is just not right with my wife and they are so happy to be with me or the children. But not with BPD spouse.   

I would like to recommend to you Melanie Tonya Evans. You can google her website. She addresses the issues of narcissistic abuse and the PTSD that being on the receiving end of such a thing can do to a victim of it. She is very thorough on the attributes of narcissists and how they take down the people around them. Usually spouses and children are targets.

Also, you mentioned on another thread that you feared that you would be interpreted as someone who is practicing parental alienation. I saw the other day a video on this site, BPD Family. If you haven't already seen it,  it may be helpful to you to find it and review it. The expert being interviewed is very clear on what constitutes parental alientation in the eyes of family court, how it tends to be dealt with in custody disputes.

I hope that is helpful to you. I was actually thinking a lot about your situation in the last couple of days.

Thank you ever so much zencat. I will follow up on your input. This is why I like these forums. Please private message me (if you wish) any other advice.  I am so tired of the fallout from my BPD soon-to-be-ex. I appreciate you looking at my other posts.This shows that you genuinely care about another human being.

Thank you for the above ... . and thank you for those links, etc. They really have been helpful.  I really feel for those non-BPD parents that have kids that are far too young to help out in terms of writing something or such. Once the kids are teenagers, ... . when they write something down, etc ... then the court system really actually listens to them.