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I am watching him do that shady FB crap-log in and log out every 2 mins or so-he is messaging his lady friend (who is also taken which is why they do it this way)... I have been ignored for three days now... .I need to unfriend him and go NC (not that he is contacting me anyway)  Every time I see him do this FB stuff, its like a little piece of my heart has been taken out.  Where can I get the strength to unfriend him and move on? I have cried all day today-this is terrible  :'(

Do it, or he'll eventually do it to you. When mine was slowly cutting off our mutual friends one by one I found the strength to block her myself.

... .tho of course, I gave in and eventually unblocked her only to have her do it anyway

I've tried for 30 mins and I can't... I honestly feel like my heart has been ripped out. This is terrible. I used to be such a happy person and now I am just miserable and i hurt so bad. I was so good to him... .why her? I dont understand

BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK!   He did it to me first and I was devastated.  Then when he stalked me and saw something he wanted to rage over, he unblocked me to tear into me so I immediately blocked his ass.  And I will keep it that way!

I blocked him from my personal cell, facebook and email.  I can't block him on my work cell (or atleast I am embarrassed to contact corporate and ask for it) so he still has ONE avenue to harrass if he chooses and so far he is too caught up in running his Match profile to gaslight me so we shall see... .

BLOCK BABY!  :)o it for yourself... . HE knows it is killing you to watch him on and off and that you KNOW what he is doing.  :)on't give him the power, he's taken enough.

Was it hard for you to block him? Why am I having such a tough time?  What is he even doing?

"I need the weekend alone to think... .I need to figure things out" and now nothing... I am sitting here in limbo. Id never treat anyone this way. NEVER

It is hard for everyone to do, sometimes we have to do hard things in life for our greater good.


Because you are bargaining with grief, not quite ready to let go.


Who cares, honesty?


I am going to challenge you on this, you are treating YOU this way right now. 

Count to 3 - and do it.  Stop the insanity and take control of your life.

Will it hurt - yep

Will you cry - yep

Will it be anxiety producing - yep

Will you start to heal - ABSOLUTELY

Being in the bargaining phase of grief is crazy-making, you have the power to move closer to acceptance and acceptance will bring about freedom.

Best,

SB

He is overlapping you with intimate contact with another woman.

He is lying to you (by omission at least) about that.

It's awful that that's what he's doing, but, that's what he's doing.

I'm one of many who heard and believed "I need to try to be alone" or "I need time to sort myself out," who trustingly and supportively signed on for continued friendly contact during that process, only to find that my ex immediately began pursuing his former gf.

I started 10 months of NC a few days after I realized beyond any real doubt what was going on.  It was hard as hell.  I sobbed and sobbed after I sent a short, strong email explaining that I needed to say goodbye.  The only way I knew it was the right thing to do was when I compared it to going forward WITH contact and the knowledge that this was going on.  I would have abased myself & dishonored what the r/s meant to me.  Of the two bad choices, ending the dishonorable dynamic between the two of you is the better choice, because at least you are left with you, and you don't do further damage to yourself.

He did this.  It's terrible.  But you can't erase it by ignoring it.

Please please please don't go out with him on NYE even if he asks.  Make some other plans.  If he asks, tell him you made some other plans.

Do I need to send him an email or a text letting him know I am out and moving on? If so, what do I say? I know he won't talk to me on the phone... .he never does.

I had other friends ask me to go out tomorrow PM. I should... but I am nervous that I am going to be too sad and won't be able to get home if I need to. I know he will be taking this chick out-probably buying her a new dress and shoes like he did with me last year... taking her to the most fun and fancy place. What did your ex say in response to your email? I am thinking I need to send him an email or text?

Do the blocking! After you do? Believe it or not, you can relax a tad by knowing he cannot get in touch, trust us?  Yes, you'll want him to find a way, we all want that.  But you will be proud of yourself for taking a bit of your power back!

(())

CiF

Are you truly ready to move on and move out?

If so, make a plan of action.

Once the plan is set in stone, tell him your plan (writing is fine) and then execute it.  Don't make excuses, don't be mean to him, keep it simple and as drama free for you both as possible.


Question - this email string is about blocking FB, do you want to start with baby steps first perhaps?

Do you have suggestions on the best way possible to do this? Maybe I need baby steps? I know how he is going to react already (it will be ugly). Is it better to just rip the bandaid off and do it all at once?  This is going to be soo hard, it already is... but I am tired of being miserable and chasing after this man who treats me poorly and constantly rejects me...

Darlin', we gotta tough love you right now.


Who gives a damn what he is doing, and we KNOW what he's doing... YOU know in your gut what he is doing.

I am taking my kids to dinner New Years Eve and sitting in a movie theater engrossed in an escape movie that ends at 1:18am!  I want midnight to roll through with no fanfare cause I am sure I know what he will doing, someone will be blowing his horn and popping his confetti and I want no part of it.

Do you need to write him to say you have moved on?  Seriously?  Babe, think of what you just said.  He won't bother to reach out to you and he knows you are eaten up with pain over this and YOU HAVE NO CLOSURE.  So, why in hell do you think he needs it?  He is the king of no closure.  BLOCK and make a plan for NYE with someone ANYONE and start healing.

I realize this is the pot telling the kettle what to do.  If I get weak I will come read my own advice... .lol!

Both times I've ended contact with my ex (and times I thought I was going to except that he responded appropriately & we ended up back on track), yes, I've sent him a clear email explaining what I was doing and why.  I really recommend it.  You know what it's like to have someone you were close to just vanish without explanation ... .it sucks.  There's no reason to behave that way, and if you do, I think it often leads to regrets later.  You should say what you want to say, so you don't wish you had later.

At the same time this doesn't need to be long and drawn out.  The more words, the easier it is for your core message to get lost.

I suggest something like:

"This isn't working for me.  It appears to me that you're developing an intimate connection with another woman.  That's your choice.  I can't be in a relationship with someone who does that, though.

I had hoped we would end up differently and this, and you, meant a great deal to me.  I need to draw appropriate conclusions from what's happening, though.  Out of respect for us both, I need to say goodbye.  I won't be in touch and I'd ask that you not contact me either.  I hope things go well for you."

I also suggest not making any eternal statements ("I don't want to talk to you ever again" because this is the sort of thing I think we end up regretting & then we re-open contact to clarify that, um, IF you stopped being a pwBPD, then I'd want to talk with you.  Just goodbye will do the trick.

And you don't need to add any angry recriminations or bitterness.  Strong is better than bitter.

What did my ex say?  After a careful, warm, open statement by me of what I needed for us to continue in our weird intimate friendship or whatever it is (I said I needed him to be able to sustain what he starts with me, and not to close down aspects of our r/s when he meets someone else), he said "well, this isn't productive.  I propose we meet up if we're ever in the same city.  Until then, cheers!"

It was clear he felt attacked and judged because I'd figured out that he was seeing other people, though it was true (ahem) and he never quite denied it -- he was just outraged that I "thought the worst of him."  Well, it was true (I was certain of this, like you are), but also, I wasn't judging him -- I didn't say he was a wretched person -- I was just removing myself from a situation that hurt me, as I had every right to do.  But that broke his rules of engagement, which are that I am around for him on whatever terms he likes at the moment.  Something about having one's cake and eating it too.  The cake walked off and that was not supposed to happen.

Fine.  Go listen to Iwalks's song (other thread) for the best statement of my reaction :)

It's hard.  But it was time.  I have a lot of grieving to do.  But it was time.

Stop a second, this string is about blocking him on Facebook - right?

If you are going to end it and move out, let's start a new thread so you can get feedback from some senior members and a plan.  Feel free to PM me the link when you to that.

Until then - let's focus on the Facebook question of you obsessing on him and how that is effecting you.  Let's solve the first problem first so we can get you a little balanced before tackling bigger issues.

sound ok?

I personally don't get the point of FB blocking if you are going to stay in the r/s.  It just contributes to the passive aggressive dynamic, doesn't it?

I truly don't understand the prominence of FB in all of these discussions.  FB is a venue where our r/ships get played out, it's not that FB is the r/s.  To me, you set the terms of the r/s, and then FB is one of the many places where you manifest that.

Also, I hear sadinnc saying she knows she does need to be done, more done than just FB blocking.  I fear that FB blocking just initiates some kind of dysfunctional response from her guy which then loops them back into this cycle again.  She's not needing to bait him into a pull cycle, and that's quite likely what this will do.

Not in my opinion in this specific thread.

It is building blocks to give her some confidence in making a plan.


I respect your opinion and in theory it is correct.  However, if this were the only truth, the blocking wouldn't be as hard as it truly is.


Needing to be done and ready to be done are different.

You may be right, it might be baiting to him - that is why how it is done is important.  No need for some dramatic email, simply do it.  There is no need to justify protecting ourselves.

sardinnac - I am very sorry this thread seems to have gotten off your topic for a bit.  Ultimately, you get to decide how to go forward.  My 2 cents is calm yourself and be mindful in your actions.  If leaving is the goal (sounds like it is) a new thread on this topic will likely yield advice applicable to that topic.

I think we all can agree watching/stalking our exes on FB is crazy-making - this is a simple solution, block.  With this comes the reality you are really ready to end the relationship and that is emotionally hard.

There is no right or wrong answer and whatever you do, it will work out one way or the other.

Best,

SB

Well there has been a turn of events. I just received this text:

You need to move on and find someone better suited to you and your family. Love Always.

He unfriended me so this is a moot point.  :'(

I totally agree with you SB that if sadinnc isn't ready to end the r/s, I don't mean to be pushing it.  I'm a poster child for "not ready till you're ready."  :)

I just was picking up several notes of "I need to get out of this r/s" in this & her prior threads.

Until then, honestly, I actually think looking at the reality on FB is helpful.  Otherwise, he's feeding her this line about needing to spend the weekend alone to get his mind clear.  And we can easily let wishful thinking take over & start to believe that sort of thing.  I think a dose of reality is really important & I don't think blocking that reality is necessarily useful.  Staring it in the face may ne what it takes to override all that saccharine stuff they say.

This week, my ex fed me a line of crap about how I was accusing him of terrible misbehavior when I gently suggested that he was substituting other people for my role in his life.  He is.  I know it from FB.  But he doesn't know that I know, and it allowed him to put the major spin moves on.  Thank goodness I did know.  Otherwise I'd have doubted my gut instinct & apologized for misjudging him.

To me, knowledge is power here.  Once the r/s is over, sure, it's helpful to protect yourself from the ongoing story.  But for now, I'm afraid sadinnc is too vulnerable to his manipulation without a source of objective information.

Oh, sadinnc, just saw your update.  Good grief, what a complete horse's *ss.

In those two sentences, he proves who he is.  I hope you can use that to see that you never, never, never would want to be with such a person.

 

UGH!   Sad, I feel your pain.  He's right, you DO need to find someone better, but newsflash Dumbf**k... .I have to get over your evil wicked ass first.  Best thing for you is to move on yes, but each of us do that in our own time and in our own ways.  It'll happen... .promise :)

And as far as him relaying to some trick through chat... .I experienced the same thing on WhatsApp... .I could he him log in about every minute obviously talking to "someone".  Or it was the time he should be in bed (3 or 4am) and he'd be logged in.  Mhmmm... .I'm sure his mom or sister is just perky chatting with him at that time of the morning.  Friggin liar

I feel your pain... .but I am too weak of a person NOT to look so I completely uninstalled WhatsApp on my phone so I wouldn't be tempted.  Wait... .that sort of constitutes some strength in me huh?  Yay then!

Well, you can now block him so that you can close the FB chapter totally.  As with most of us, the first unfriending was not the last.

Breathe - make a plan for YOU and YOU alone - no more drama or push/pull... .believe it or not, you can control this.

Do I respond to his text?

no point really - is there?

I didn't think so... just wasn't sure if I should acknowledge it... He has moved on... now its time for me to. I am just broken hearted  :'( I need to block him like suggested above so he doesn't try to recycle me for the 33rd time.

if you do - the only thing would be - OK

Then no more texting - at some point he is going to make you be the one to pull the plug, you will be the one to stop the insanity and detangle yourself from the spiderweb you are very deeply in... .it is only once I stopped and detached that I realized how deep in the web I had become.

 

The thing about a broken heart is it can heal once we get away from the cause... .it hurts grieving, but we do heal.  I am healed of my broken heart and I never thought that would happen.  I was a mess when I found these boards.

Eventually, I started taking the advice of some of the senior members, stopped questioning the facts of the disorder and focused on me.

Focus on you now Sadinnc - cry as much as you need, tears clean the soul.  Letting go hurts, but once you do - it can get better - change is not a bad thing.

 

SB

I think I am going to wait before I decide what to do on responding or not. I am a mess at the moment and afraid I will act on emotion vs logic. I am thinking "I wish you the best" might be what I write.

Can you see this is bargaining still?

OK is acceptance... .

Good idea waiting to respond - very wise indeed.

Good point... .see Im not thinking with my head now...

Thanks everyone for being there for me. I will pay it forward. Don't know what Id do without this board.   

No need to respond unless it helps you with your healing. That is where your focus should be from now on. He made his choice. Now you have your freedom back.

I'm sorry, honey.  I wish I could hug you right now as I was where you are just a few short weeks ago and I know what lies ahead... .you will be all over the map.

Just heed some advice from those of us that didn't.  :)on't engage anymore.  Block him from everything you can, phone, email, facebook, etc.  and STAY THAT WAY.

If you think about him, yell STOP out loud to yourself and re direct your mind.  I had to do this cause I was out of control.  The others are right, this is about you now.  Self preservation time.  He is taking care of him, take care of you.

No drinking, no self medicating, cry if you must, have gf's over and lean on them, put away or throw away anything that reminds you of him and STAY BUSY.

You have something to do right now as a matter of fact.  You need to plan your tomorrow night.

Get moving... .

Let us know how you do...  We are here.

oh sadinnc I'm so sorry  All I can say to you is do the blocking *yourself* and keep it that way. I unblocked mine, only for her to block me/unblock me/block me. It was a rollercoaster.

If you do it, at least you have some semblance of power. Personally, I would try not to reply at all to his last message but I know you will want to... "OK" seems to be the best thing to send.

OK I made plans for tomorrow night with old friends from college... also a hair appt to get a blow out and my nails done... .That is a start. Now on to trying to block him... .Ahhh the hurt  :'(

Thanks for the support-I keep reading and rereading these posts...

He just texted: I am sorry. I really do love you.

Now what? :'(

Same answer isn't it - ok

Love for him is likely different than love for you.

Sadinnc - this really is up to you to stop the insanity, he won't. 

I lived it, detangled from it and I have watched this pattern for years, thus why I wrote this earlier.

DON'T respond. He's playing mindgames with you, this is nothing short of abuse. Remember why are you here, you want to escape from this endless cycle of recycles.

It's not fair on you to keep having your emotions toyed with like this. You need to find the strength to end it finally yourself now, rather than handing him the power to do it whenever he feels like it. One day he truly will leave for good, but only if you let him.

Thanks guys-I will not respond. I am soo full of emotion that I know I shouldn't text back like my immediate urge is... that is why I reached out here and to my dear friend (whom is a serious angel for putting up with me and dealing with this relationship... she has been there for me non stop)  before I did anything... .My first instinct was to say "I love you too... and I am just heartbroken   " but now that 45 mins has passed and the emotions are calmed down, I realize I would have deeply regretted that!

Good girl! one foot in front of the other...   Them boots are made for walking... walk AWAY.

As the others said, this is just mind games.  Once again, wanting the validation, from EVERYONE, ANYONE, he was probably messaging her at the same time.  Not trying to hurt you by saying that, just making you aware, that text was not what you think it was.

Stay strong and DO NOT respond.

Oh I am sure he was texting! He is probably not sure what to think now because normally I beg him back, send sad faces, tell him I love him, etc... .He is probably just worried now that I am no longer "on the hook"... .

He can't very well take this skanky chick to his corporate work functions and wanted to make sure his Barbie doll would be waiting in the wings to use when needed... or was there to make him chili, wine and dine at fancy places, etc... no more, no thanks, not happening.

Not responding... .

Be strong. Turn off your phone so nothing else comes through. If you wake up and there's a barrage of txt's from him, post here before doing anything.

As others have said, do not respond. It is what he wants... .attention, whether positive or negative. It is what they thrive on.

I am so sorry to see how your story is unfolding, but like the others, I think it is all happening the best way it could because he's taking decisions out of your hands that you were wrestling over -- i.e. whether to block him on Facebook.  Trust me, it's a million times better for you now that you no longer have the opportunity to log on, see what he's doing, ruminate about what he's doing/who he's talking to, et cetera.  This is a good thing, even though it doesn't seem that way right now. 

In the same vain, though, given his texts -- and I agree they are mind games; he totally knows what he is doing to you and enjoying every minute of it -- why don't you just block him from your phone, too?  That way the texts won't even come through, you won't have to read them, spend the time and energy trying to figure out what they mean, how you should respond. 

Seriously, the best thing for YOU right now is to block him any and every way you can so that these messages cannot get through.  Go to your appointment tomorrow and get your hair and nails did and go rock the town tomorrow night and have the time of your life WITHOUT HIM. 

Baby steps prolong the agony, sometimes. Do not let him rent space in your head.  Keep telling yourself how fabulous you are, how you deserve so much more than he had to offer, go get gussied up tomorrow and start living like it's the first day of the rest of your life, because it really and truly is, BPD-free.  I kind of envy you right now, and I'm still good for that margarita any time you want one! 

Chin up, girlfriend.  You are going to get through this.  You have a cadre of really smart, insightful people who have your back every step of the way. 

So I say let yourself cry tonight, as long as you promise yourself and all of us that you will spend tomorrow night kicking up your heels and laughing and having a great time. 

Ok... .he is now messaging through FB. I did not respond so he is texting... he is sad, misses me, etc... I need to block but I am feeling weak and this is getting to me big time... I feel very weak and beat down. Help... .

Don't give in. If you don't have the strength to block him, get off Facebook & remove it from your smartphone/tablet. You need time to heal before you can do anything at the moment

Do you see what's happening? He didn't get what he wanted: proof you care. Now he'll pull you back in. Then he can do it to you again. How many times do you want to do this?.

He probably is sad, and probably does miss you. That's how it must feel when you push someone away the way he did with you. Just a few hours ago. As his attempts to reel you back in have not yet worked, he's ramping it up. Playing on your emotions. My ex tried every angle there is, from the sweetest highs to the cruelest lows. I finally cut off contact with her because it was the right thing to do for both of us. It wasn't what I wanted to do but what was needed. I care about her too much to be her trigger anymore, and care about myself too much to be abused. That push/pull, come here/go away, I love you/You mean nothing to me cycle is not good. By choosing to stop it you will find strength and power, clarity and truth, hope and fulfillment. If you respond to him now, it won't end the cravings he is having, or satisfy your own. It won't lead to healing yourself.

This is who he is and without significant therapy for you both - this is your relationship.  There is no 1/2 with BPD - all or nothing.

If you are not done, you just are not... .nobody here can tell you what to do.  If you stay, learn how to take good care of your own needs so you can be a proper partner for a pwBPD - once we do know the deal, we have a responsibility if we are staying in it -IMHO.

Seeking:

You are so wise and so many of your comments I have read give me pause, as does this one.

So I get that if we stay, whether in the short- or long-term, once we have identified that our partners are BPD, or even something else that is destructive, we take responsibility in the sense that we know its limits and yet stay anyway.  I'm curious, though, what our responsibility looks like if we're staying in it means to you, just because you're smart and I really value your opinion from all the posts I've read of yorus.  Are you talking about changing the way we communicate and relate and react, or to stop expecting what they can't give, or does it go beyond that? 

So we don't hijack this thread - how about starting a new thread and I can elaborate... .this is more of a personal inventory perhaps? PM the link to me and I will chime in - again, only my opinion.

You got it.  Thanks!

I am staying the course. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever ever done. Thank you all for supporting me. I'm going to attempt to sleep and will check in tomorrow. I can do this.

Just know that b/c you aren't responding as he expected & you appear not to be "down on the farm" anymore, he likely will turn up the heat & redouble his efforts. You may get offered NYE & a lot of promises.  This is a control strategy. Once control is achieved, you're back where were yesterday.

Ok thank you for that! I was kinda wondering how/what was going to happen today and how to handle it. I woke up today feeling really sad. I don't feel up to going out tonight-I think its going to make me sad to be out with all couples and I am alone... .thoughts? I almost thought of maybe getting take out and taking an Ambien and sleeping through the night then waking up to a fresh day tomorrow.  I am sure he will be hanging with his new lady friend where she is tending bar so I am sure he will be leaving me alone.

Last night I forced myself to relive the past four weeks. The way that man greatly detached from me is becoming so clear... in ways that I didn't even see that is what he was doing, that is what he was doing... there was a major decrease in sex (and he wasn't even into it), he did not make me feel welcome at his house, my things in the bathroom I use where left under the sink instead of the nornal place, not calling, ignoring texts, just being cold, and a lot of other things... not the guy I know when he is "on"... Other than that few awesome dinner dates, he was just not there with me... same timing that he started up with the OW (and honestly, I almost think she is/was a distraction for him, I don't see him having a LTR with her unless I am very wrong) I really don't want to live like that-with someone who is rejecting me that way-its really hurt.

No go. It does suck seeing other happy couples out, especially if they are quite physical with each other but going out & having fun with your friend will help take your mind off him, even if for a bit. Besides, if you're at home you are more likely to give in and reply. Given that he's likely out having fun himself, he probably won't reply or send you hate again, so it's not worth it.

Ill be interested to see how he acts today. Holidays are triggers for him... always... I wonder if he will push away the new girl like he did me on every holiday.  I noticed he changed his FB cover photo to one that is symbolic of our relationship (two snowy paths meeting as one that he showed me last year saying it was representative of us) and also put up my favorite picture of him. I am sure that was not a coincidence.  He just doesn't know what to do without me begging him back like always.  I can admit too since I am being honest, I am a little sad not to hear from him even though its best and the right thing.

Going through the same thing here. When we did do what we could to get them back, were they really here with us? It felt like a revolving door an imposter kept hurting me with. Every day is important, and worth sharing, not just holidays. We're teaching ourselves to be ourselves. It's better to not hear from them if it detracts from that.

He is on match.com already... .wow. kick me when im down.

So sorry sadinnc ... feeling someone pull away and move on when you didn't even realise it was happening is painful.

Let him have match.com and everyone on it ... mine did the same and it has been disbelief that has held me back from accepting that he just no longer feels what I do (if he ever really did) ... .remember that he did these things when he next contacts you ... because even if he comes back, can you ever trust him with your heart again?

Ok, let's get you signed up... here's you Tshirt, membership card, we will do the ceremony later... .

Now, it's official... .you just lost a BPD ass.  Let's celebrate!

Mine is on Match too and I found out the other day has been since when we announced getting married back in May!  Yay me!   Turns out my beloved has been living a double life for a while... .

I was upset at first too.  Then, I started reading through it and I had to laugh.  First, he's 43 and says in the profile he is looking for women 24-41 and that some of his hobbies include, playing his guitar, X Box and theme parks.  Gee; does your mom let you stay out past 10 pm on the weekends?  Who the hell would want a 43 yr' old man like that.  Then, he had to put a picture of his new convertible Mustang in the profile because that isn't at ALL juvenile or pompous, right?  Lastly, and this is the best part... he wants marriage and a family.  Yeah, right... I heard that too and it was all set til he backed out of the wedding TWO DAYS BEFORE and humiliated me in front of the world.

Now, the best part... . These people don't get off scott free, they really don't.  Karma WILL prevail and all the hurt and humiliation you feel will be deducted as a debt for them to pay.

I know this because I have wanted to die for weeks.  :)rank, lost weight, couldn't go to work or even bathe some days and believe, that is NOT who I am.  My nickname is Miss Mary Sunshine, I am ALWAYS up!  Anyway, mine is on his way back from a fabulous holiday with his family.  And he has been up there working his Match.com profile for two weeks... I have watched him checking in constantly, booking his time for tonight and going forward... I am sure anticipating some good times.

Problem is, a certified letter came for him to the ex girlfriends house (you know, the one I became friends with after we broke up.  The one he called THE MONSTER).  Seems our friend committed some serious state fraud in the state he USED to hail from and they now know about his new, posh job.  The letter said his wages are about to be garnished and his 2013 tax return confiscated to pay the debt plus legal fees.  And lover boy doesn't know the ax is about to fall, but WE, the women he left in his wake do!  LMAO!  It's a Christmas Miracle!  

So, chin up, darlin'.  He is showing you who he REALLY is... .question is, will you recognize or paint him with the "guy who romanced you" brush.  Cause that guy was an actor portayal, a phony, fake, charleton.  THIS is who he REALLY is... . You deserve so much more than that... .

So, get off your tail and off this computer and get ready to go out.  YES!  You heard me, GO!  Staying home is the worst thing you can do and you WILL text him that you saw him on Match or you're hurt, or how could he or any number of texts that you should not and he is salivating by his Crackberry just anticipating it... .so DO disappoint!

Yuck. I'm sorry you saw that; but I'm glad you saw that, hot on the heels of the snowy paths & I miss you & frantic efforts to get you to respond. He wants what you do for him. It's different than love as you experience it. Like Schwing says, he is using you, and he'll work to create feelings of love in you, using all he knows about you to do so, to get you to provide what he wants. but his actions overall are not those of someone who loves you.

i'm so glad you've hung in with this position long enough to play this out a little and see all the pieces together at once. Hope it helps you feel stronger & more resolved.

You're gonna be okay, honey...   Really, once the shock wears off.  Get mad! Then get busy.  The best revenge is living well.   

We're here... .

Oh boy.  Match.com.  I don't want to hijack so I'm starting a new thread on this one for those of us who haven't been able to vent about it yet.