BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone,

I felt the need to vent a little bit (and maybe get some feedback& thoughts) due to what seems to be the end of my relationship with my BPDgf. I was so committed to making this relationship work, and I think that it could still work out between us, but my girlfriend doesn't want to keep putting in the effort.

A little bit of background. We're currently long distance, and this I think is the main reason why she's broken off the relationship. She wants someone who can be physically present for her. I just recently started this new job with the hope of being able to support her, pay for her medical expenses (therapy)... .But she's not willing to move to live with me. I think the idea of giving up giving up her family and friends is just too difficult for her. Unfortunately it's unlikely I can find a job for my career in her area, although I've told her I'm willing to visit, but I guess waiting a few months for me to get settled seems too difficult.

The thing that confuses me the most is that she doesn't want to talk to me at all. Not wanting to deal with the negatives associated with a long distance relationship is, to me, perfectly normal. But cutting off all contact and ending our friendship seems like it's behavior that arises from BPD thinking. We may not be in a place in our lives where we can be together romantically, but we still get along well and enjoy each others' company -- I have many friends who live across the world and we still communicate and maintain our relationships.

This isn't the first time she's told me that we will never speak again. We've gone through several yo-yos in our relationship thus far, particularly recently, but ever since I learned about her diagnosis with BPD I learned to take these episodes with a grain of salt. Does anyone else expect she will contact me again at some point in the future? And am I being too co-dependent for hoping that she does and that maybe at that point we will be in a better position to pursue our relationship?

They say a BPD won't run off for real unless they have someone waiting in the wings. I guess if I were you I would be prepared to hear sometime soon that she is seeing someone else.

That being said, yes, I do believe she will be back. Probably within the next month. But it is anyone's guess.

Many of us have experienced the dumping and exiting, only for them to come back. Or for them to get really mad or overwhelmed and give silent treatment over and over until the non learns better communication skills or simply doesn't react to the antics. So I am told :)  My boyfriend has decided to pretty much be absent and give me the silent treatment until he has "rested". He has done this sort of thing 2-3 times in the last year and prior to that while he was cheating about 6-7 times, was gone for about 6 weeks in one year. Before that it was 1-2 day events every few months.

It really can wear on a person.

I think you're probably right. I do get the impression that she might have found someone else nearby hence the emphasis that the long distance nature of our relationship is unsatisfying for her. I doubt she will explicitly tell me she's seeing someone else, she's rarely directly hurtful towards me like that, but the last few times we talked, the day after she texted me to wish me Merry Christmas, she insisted that she "had to leave" and "was going out with friends."

I don't know much about her relationships with other people, but unless she's found an exceptional person I don't expect it would last very long. Once a certain level of intimacy is established it's not long until she decides she can never see a person again.