BPDFamily.com

How do we know when we have been painted black for good?  Is it when they have told anyone/everyone who would listen how much of an SOB we are?  Is it when we finally figure them as abusinve, manipulative, lying, users and finally call them out on their hit?  are there other charactersitcs or diaplays of behaviors common to being gone for good?

Or is the whole, sick, twisted, and manipulative tragic truth, they are never gone and they will always try to recycle?

What emotion in you is prompting this question Arn?

validation, longing, sadness, jealousy, inadequate, fear, shame, guilt, anger

I remember all those at once... .it is exhausting.

Sounds like you are wondering if she is going to come back - does that sound accurate?

scared if she does... .scared if she doesn't

It's so messed up, I need to focus on my child, yet, crying because I don't have her!  HER! The girl who broke me, clipped my balls, dishonored me, and left me for the next best thing.  Crying for her, and NOT my son (8)... .what a pathetic loser I am, huh?  To give her that much over me?

I remember that feeling... .it is hard, but trust me - with some time and therapy, you will not feel like this forever.  Remember Finding Nemo?  Just keep swimming right now.


Let's talk about you son, have you spoken to an attorney about your rights?

I do have rights.  I have left an attorney 2 messages this week.  I am supposed to be meeting with her father to discuss an amicable plan for visitation with my son.  I should know something from her dad by the eow.  If that doesn't work out, I am filing

When was your breakup, arn?

My ex painted me black about 4 days after she left. She asked me to come with her and I think she was angered that I didn't. I'm pretty sure object constancy is a problem with her, so by the 3rd or 4th day, she felt abandoned and hated me even though we were fine when she left. I'm pretty sure I'll be painted black for awhile. It doesn't seem to be letting up any time soon.

You see, she never gives me closure... .just leaves and ceases all communication.

This time I found out a few weeks before x mas that she was sleeping with this guy.  It was confirmed x mas eve.

I have bee NC since a week or so before x mas.

No I find myseld longing for this scorpion woman!

|iiii

I know you are sad and scared, many of us have been in your shoes... .it comes down to the basics - sleep, eat, exercise - I stress exercise because this helped me get alot of the anger out... .are you exercising?

What does ideal closure look like for you?  How would it have ended that would make the pain any better?

I was cheated on, I get it - it sucks... .but you do have closure, it just isn't what you want it to be.

I do know how much pain this causes, and the only way thru it is... .thru it... .but you will be ok, it will get better.

Exercise does help. I've been swimming laps like a maniac almost everyday since August and I'm probably in the best shape of my life. I feel great. It helps me to sleep well at night too.

Thanks, SB.

I guess you're right, I have my closure.  I have been exposed to the truth the past few weeks, and I guess I have taken a step back in going back to denial.

I joined a gym, and plan on starting working out on Wednesday.

Anyway, I think I must be hoping that she will call me tomorrow and ask me to go off with her, which if I hnoestly look at it, I would probably say yes.

I start seeing my P on Jan 10th, so I need to def work out what's wrong with me

|iiii

You have a plan - you are being logical, hang in there and give yourself some time to adjust... .this is all a HUGE shock to your system... .if you were not lost, there would be something wrong with you.

If you are looking for some interesting reading, read about DBT a little secret - it might help BPD, but is is super helpful in our grief too... .the skills are amazing for quieting the mind.

you have a plan - exercise and therapy - this is good stuff - be proud of yourself.