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I don't want him back.  One year ago we spent new year's together and I spent the night crying because he got drunk and hit on a waitress while I was standing next to him.  His friend consoled me while he sat outside rolling a joint.  Today, I am wondering whether my replacement will heed my advice and run from him or marry him in the next week.  I never want him back but it hurts that I was crying over what he did to me while he was out romancing my replacement.  I hope she listens and runs and I hope the day comes when I forget his existence.  Tonight is going to be hard.  This time last year I was newly engaged to him and thought my future with him would be perfect.  I would have never believed that a year on I would be wondering whether my replacement will go through with a wedding to him.  Please God, spare her the miserable fate of being with him.

You can pray for her, but I"m gonna pray for you.

Please God, help Mazda realize her value in this world, and bring the truth to her today. The truth that she is loved by you and all that love her on this earth. Amen.

You are not alone, and I know how you hurt. But my dear, dear Mazda you have saved yourself a world of hurt by this man no longer being in your life.

YOU are the lucky one. Let the rest be as it will be. You cannot save anyone but yourself.

L

Thank you so much.  That post made me cry.  I pray I find someone who will give me the happiness I thought I would have and never makes me shed a tear.

I feel for you. Tonight's for me is very hard, as it was very hard on Christmas Day, my birthday and so on. As a matter of fact, it's been a very hard year. Every day is hard, even if the daily routine helps a lot. It seems I'm given some sort of silent treatment, at the moment, even if, officially, we should be trying to re-build our relationship, "in order to understand if we can come back together". Naturally, he is the one who needs more time "to understand" (I'm waiting from August... .), while he lives his life splitting himself between two of his "exes" (they're only friends... .). With the first, I believe he spent Christmas, with the second (the one he left me for)he's spending New Years's Eve. While I'm here crying. But I must admit it's not his fault. It's mine.

I want a man/lover/husband who smudges my lipstick, not my mascara... .

I want a man/lover/husband who smudges my lipstick, not my mascara... .[/quote]
That about sums it up for me.

Honey, a year ago today we had pics up on our facebook of a Christmas that looked straight out of Good Housekeeping and I thought I had found my soul mate.

We understand, we do.   But you need to think of him as a monster behind the mask of a face you "thought" you loved.  He is not the guy you thought you had.

We will all get through this... .

I think she is still going to marry him.  I didn't know pain could ever be so intense.

I can't take this anymore.  I don't know how to handle this. 

You don't know how to handle it because there is no handling of it. Your mind is rejecting what is happening and rightly so.

The only thing you can do is breathe through it and just be ... I am not being trite here ... one minute at a time until you can sleep ...

Mazda - thinking about you today.

I want you to not try to find anything out about him anymore.

It's making you worse. Please stay strong, you are beautiful and smart and deserving of so much love.

Hugs,

Lyn

I too was thinking of you today, your palpable pain is soo familiar.

This is by far, one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I'm sure there are many here who relate.  This detachment thing sucks big time.

Prayer got me through the worst, and? that very old worn out cliche, "it's darkest before the dawn",  BELIEVE IT

((Mazda))

CiF

Mazda i hope you are ok.  you wrote that on the 31st and today is the 2nd.  2 whole days ago.

is there anybody else here that is worried about Mazda?  that got the 'suicide vibe' from her words?  my xBPDgf threatened suicide often, sometimes outright sometimes subtle... .   it horrified me... . one time she nearly did end up dead,  maybe i am overly sensitive to it... . ,aybe have some PTSD around it.

i am just crying so much today over my xBPDgf and reading this is, um, in the vernacular, "triggering" for me... . ,sigh>

She posted late on Jan 2 on the Staying board, reporting that her ex got married.    Mazda.  And also,  .

finding today (saturday) hard to deal with

knowing i can even bring myself to look outside, much even less go out for the night

and yet knowing shes probably out, maybe with the replacement and definitely with her new circle of friends, doing reckless things and choices, even though i know its her just to trying to get by.

look forward to when these thoughts and the horrible stomach pains it gives me go away