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Doing some self reflection and I realize that incongruity of a romantic partner is one of the most painful things I've ever had to go through.  I'm sure many have gone through this…

One minute they want to marry you, and the next they hate you.  Saying one thing, and doing something completely different.  I've experienced this with both nons and BPD women.

it's probably because I tend to think my way through life as opposed to feel it.

I feel your pain. I do.  One minute he was asking when we were going to get married, and i was unsure because of the red flags, but told him I would indeed.marry him at some point.  Wasn't good enough and a week later he tells me he's moving to a different continent. Month later he did and now hates every cell in me.

Pain doesn't describe what we have gone through.  I refer to it as emotional murder.

Hi asunder,

I agree, the changeability sent me into ridiculous efforts to get a handle on a windstorm, so to speak.  Impossible and exhausting and painful.  It hurts, especially when we tried so hard.  


It seems to me that you are feeling, asunder, but I'd love to hear more about this.

To add to heartandwhole, thinking isn't necessarily superior to feeling. As someone who is primarily a thinker, as I've gotten older, I've developed my feeling side and am quite happy with it. There are many, many times in life that you don't want to approach something from a logical perspective. Ignoring that feeling side of things can lead to less than desirable results as well.  The two work in tandem.

The downside of feeling is that it does not always plan long term and that is what I think the issue is here.

Aint that the truth!

My BPD ex was badly wanting us to get married, talked about it all the time for at least 2 years... . then she said her family told her I'd never marry her... . then she said I told her I wasn't going to marry her (not true)... . then she says she hated me everyday we were together and never wanted to marry me.