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She is making progress on housing now. Still talking about custody issues. I was able to lay out my concerns last night and we had an honest conversation about it. She will update me tonight on her latest inverview when I get home.

She has been WAY more engaged with the kids lately, which is another sign her fling probably died down. For at least two months, I'd get the kids ready in the morning. This morning, she heard me dressing D1 and got off the couch and came into the room to dress her for me while I got S3 going (the stubborn one). She asked me if I was coming home early. Then she sent me another text "stay safe" which is something like her typical sign off I haven't gotten in months. Yeah, I got the usual WoE moment this weekend when we arrived home just as she was leaving the house for an hour (messed up the script in her head where we were supposed to get back after she left), but that has been the only thing for the past few days. I put up with little things like that for years. This is why I know the BPD is still lurking in the background, even though she is back to pretty much high function. Of course it's still lurking... .it always will be.

My thoughts on her "I don't know what I have with him" r/s... .she, of course, wanted to be teen lover again though we had two kids. I refused to play that game and abandon our children, even to their relatives. So she did it on her own. On her side, diametrically opposed, she disengaged from the kids because it's simply not possible to do what she wanted to the extent she did AND be a responsible parent. So I took over being SuperDad for a while, to fill the void she left for a few months (not counting me getting up every morning for over a year to take care of D while X slept in another hour or two... .shame on me for enabling that, my co-dependency at work). So I watched the experimental proof play out in my home what I told her from the beginning wouldn't work. She's such a child!

She won't recycle (yet), have no fear, but perhaps is more emotionally stable now that it looks like she can move on with her life and we can be good co-parents. The whole moving out thing may be another huge stress (as it was when we moved in... .she was so mean that day even one of her brothers commented on how badly his sis talked to me... .he's the one who told her "I knew it [the break up] was coming," then didn't elaborate. Hopefully that won't last more than a day or two, as I don't think it's realistic to separate 6 years' worth of stuff in a day. I will change one of the locks the minute she leaves, just in case, though I do trust her regarding that. But I'm not stupid either.

Anyway, see you all tonight. Happy New Year for those already experiencing it, and those who will hit it before I do out here on the Left Coast of America.

Turkish

Congrats, Turkish.

Sounds like things are going well. Just beware that you will miss her after she's gone. She won't deserve it and you're life will be better with her gone, but you will miss her. It's inevitable. Just prepare yourself for it.

I know! And she'll miss me to the extent that she will want to spend time with me, using "doing things as parents with the kids" as an excuse. She's already said she wants to do that. I will minimize it as much as I can. I may even tell her that though we are separated, I want to treat this like a "theraputic" separation for a while and not see her but only in passing.

I realize last night... .and it took me a while to get to sleep because of it, that except for the one weekend at the end of Sept., I've never slept in the house alone. THAT will take some getting used to. I'm already used to sleeping alone, so not really a big deal there.

I hope it goes smoothly for you Turkish - both the leaving and the anxiety it will raise in you both are bound to take a toll but you sound strong.

Congrats Turkish.  Yes, you will have some adjusting to do, and although it might be hard at times, it can't possibly be harder than what you've already been through, and it will all carry you toward a healthier and better-for-you future.

 from another left-coaster   

I know, it can't be, right? Thanks rk and dc,   

Aaaand... . I told her I had about an hour left at work. It might have taken me 1.5 hrs before I got home. She spent half the day with the kids. I could feel she.was annoyed. Wanted to go to the beauty parlor before she went to her parents', come home to shower, then go out.  She told me she thought I was going to be home earlier (hence her being annoyed). Perhaps she might have shared her plans with me and I could have made it home "on time?" Will NOT miss this! So typical... .