BPDFamily.com

Does anyone else ever find themselves just shaking their head at just how much the pwBPD can twist reality in their mind.  I am less than 30 days gone from marriage of 25 years, divorce started and with each day I wonder just how badly enmeshed I became to actually live with this person.

Last night I sent her a brief email to inform her that she had almost overdrawn the bank account among other things due to a $76 charge for failing to return redbox movies.  She of course responded with her typical page long rambling email claiming that I had emotionally damaged our 3 kids and somehow poisoned them.  She then had the gall to say that she hoped kids would get counseling and see the light some day.  Yeah knucklehead, they have already figured it out which is why 2  out of the 3 kids are basically ready to go no contact/ very low contact with you already.

She actually even said that affair she had did not happen.  Uh huh.

Divorce cannot happen fast enough.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this.  There's never an end it seems.  I'm at 2 years and 3 months out from my 19 year marriage and I still shake my head.  I hope you have a good therapist experienced in BPD as that helped me a lot.  He told me it will most likely never make sense and my exwBPD even said it herself before she left to try not to make sense out of it because it makes no sense.  What they do is just too far off the crazy chart.  It sounds like your kids have been raised well to see through her nonsense.  I have two, D20 and S13 and they don't really want to have much to do with their mother either.  She simply walked out and abandoned all of us like we were nothing.  Literally erased us from her life inside that distorted mind of hers.  How do you make sense of that?  It took me a long time to stop focusing on her and more on me and what I have NOW.  After all, that's what we're left with.

Good luck in this.  You're going to need it.  It will get easier with time but I won't say the pain will ever really go away.  I don't believe that.  What happens is that you get better at living with it.  Exercise as best as you can and if you drink, watch out for that.  It can become a crutch real quick.  Lately I've been listening to Jon Bonamassa.  Good bluesy rock.  Might help you feel better for a time.

We're here for you when you need it.

Hi ugghh,

Yes, the difference in realties has caused a lot of head-shaking for me, too.  I'm sorry to hear that she responded that way, that's really frustrating, and then your kids having a tough time, too.

Will you share custody of the kids, or are they out of the house?

As time passes you can begin to see the forrest for the trees. As i get farther away, I am starting my sixth month out the door, I am absolutely stunned at the crap i put up with and even believed.  My greatest joy lately is when she goes off the rails with wild accusations or what ever, I get to say " I don't need this crap from you!" and I hang up!  Setting clear a boundary must be done on a regular basis because they will test it often. 

My most recent text is that we will not talk about the divorce agreement( she will have to talk to her attorney for any questions), stop getting legal advice from friends and I will hang up if the conversation deviates from the kids. This was after twisting things and demanding I answer wacky accusations by her friends second guessing what the attorneys worked out at mediation.

She also blames me for damaging kids but my conversations with kids have them stating they and there friends say mom is crazy. Sad really that she doesn't get it.

Set clear boundaries and look at their communication as a way to manipulate you into their world.