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My brother and his family came to visit over the holidays. Bah humbug. My BPDm went into full psycho mode of fussing and bad temper because EVERY THING had to be perfect for Prince Golden Child and his family. I spent the holidays cooking and cleaning, while staying "appropriately" out of sight as much as possible.

I've been diabetic since my teens (almost 40 years), and have often had to take risks with it to suity FOO. I was about to make my breakfast yesterday when I was informed that I was required to go to breakfast with the whole family. I waited for 2.5 hours past my breakfast time while everyone got ready. By then, I was having symptoms of hypoglycemia.  I went to make a piece of toast and was followed by my Queen Witch mother said that I was not to eat anything until we got to the restaurant because I was being selfish and not being considerate of my brother's feelings. So I threw the toast in the garbage, waited another half an hour before we left, waited 15 minutes to order, and another 20 minutes for the food. By then, I was severely shaking.  When the Queen Witch saw I was shaking, she kicked me under the table and then made snide remarks about me faking it. The bottom line us that after the emotional abuse, I was also physically wiped out from the hypoglycemia.

I have NO idea how I could have handled it. I was not physically up to handling the issue.

Any thoughts?

Hi Contradancer,

I am so sorry to hear that you went through a trying time with your family, especially worse was that it was one that puts your health at risk.  I have family members with diabetes as well as some training as a medical professional so know too well the risks of hypoglycemia in a diabetic patient.  It sounds like despite knowing your health needs your mother chooses to prioritize her own agenda. Setting limits seems to be very important in cases like this as no-one can or will stand up for your health except for you.  Have you tried limit setting with her?  I, too have a Queen/Witch uBPDm and dealing with the hatred and hostility they can throw your way can be exhausting.  I find some of the techniques for communication that I have found on this board and in other resources have been helpful at times.   Particularly using the S.E.T. technique in conjunction with limit setting.  It allows me to be gentle to begin with but firm with my limits.  It might allow you to empathize with your mom wanting to throw a successful breakfast for your brother, assuring her that you would still be hungry enough for breakfast, but emphasizing the importance of your health needs. 

The most important thing is you Contradancer, and your mental as well as physical health.  Make that your priority, especially when others won't.

I'm not a big eater anyway, and I came back from that breakfast with 2/3rds of it now as leftovers.

I was too shaky for much of anything. I also know I was out numbered and she would not hesitate to send the enabler father and brother after me. In the case of my brother, he wouldn't hesitate to physically assault me for my offense.

I'll look at S.E.T. again, but I think I was already getting so mad and frustrated, as well as getting in that hypoglycemic "I don't want orange juice so I'll throw it across the room" stage.

From a very practical standpoint, it would be helpful to always carry glucose tablets to use in a pinch.  I believe each tablet is worth 15 grams of carbs.  For the times your blood sugar is just to low to think straight, you likely could chew them discreetly without anyone knowing.  I agree with what the others wrote regarding setting boundaries but that might be difficult to do in the moment when your sugar is crashing.

I don't know much about diabetes, but isn't letting your blood sugar get that low very dangerous?  Do you have someone who could help you enforce your boundaries when you aren't physically capable?  What do you think is holding you back from setting up/enforcing boundaries?

There was no one to help me out. I'm the scapegoat. Yes, hypoglycemia can be deadly. My mother has always been furious if I've gotten sick.  When I broke my back last year (slipped on ice) she kept at me for weeks that I'd done it intentionally just to be selfish. She also got my dad saying the same thing. Punishment for breaking my back was severe.

I usually go quietly off to take care of myself. This time, my mother had zero tolerance and was going to send in her support team if I even dared to eat a piece of toast until permitted.

If what you wrote there is true, then this is not something to handle with SET. This is something that should be handled with no or limited contact. These are not people you need around you.

You deserve better than to be treated this way. You might want to look into therapy to help yourself to truly realize that and learn to not allow this abusive treatment in your life 

I reviewed SET and admit it didn't seem workable. Until I can find more than part time work, I'm stuck here. At least my brother has returned to his home six hours away so it's one less threat. Also, with him gone her episodes have reduced dramatically. It appears to be about her impressing the Golden Child. Next year I will find someplace else to stay.