BPDFamily.com

I saw that there was a difference between high functioning and low functioning BPDs.  Can anyone explain with examples on what the difference would be?

Thanks,

Arn

How well they are able to act like normal people and get along in society. My pwBPD was high functioning, she had a masters degree and maintained steady employment as a music teacher. She had friends, went to church and just seemed a bit over-emotional to most people... who interpreted it as artistic and passionate... good things for a music teacher. Fitting in and apparently being pretty normal would be high functioning.

My cousin by adoption, was low functioning BPD... she was committed to a residential treatment facility, cut herself often, tried to commit suicide a number of times, had a few kids, who she ended up dumping on her parents to raise, and eventually adopt. Never finished HS, went on disability rather than ever working... . and clearly has serious issues... . you try helping her and soon you were going to be in hell. Those things are more typical of low functioning.

I dated a high functioning BPD.  She is working on a master's degree and working at the same time.  She is very book smart but knows little about the real world.  She has an avoidant personality so she is very quiet which helps her hide a lot of her issues.  She worked for me for 6 years.  She was a good employee as long as she was doing repetitive tasks.  She was in accounting.  If she had to do something new it would usually take her all day to fix her mistakes.  The other girl (no degree) in the office would get so mad at her.  When ex left, the other girl was promoted to exes position and we never hired anyone to replace her.  So basically we were paying ex to fix her own mistakes all day (and text message her friend).

I read an article that says they don't go back and forth from Low to High, High to Low... . , but I also saw a documentary about a highly educated woman with a really good job.  She talked about how BPD slowly corrupted her mind and she became very low functioning.  This pushed her into getting therapy and now she is currently "recovered".   I would not be surprised it my ex fell into the low functioning category at some point in the future.  She is a hermit/waif borderline and craters under stress. 

Mine was high functioning.  She was very well educated, very good at her job.  Appeared to be a good mother (but I always had concerns with this one as they appeared too close actually).  She has a set of friends who are close but not too close.  She was very private and her friends didn't know too much about her personal life.  Anyway she was VERY intelligent, but in many ways was like a child.  She knew she had a bad temper, and she knew she did things that would drive people mad.

Arn,

  Mine is high functioning. She works in collections. She can be a bitc_ to people all day and get paid for it.

:)

It's probably a great job for her. All she has to do is demand from people. I know she is good at that.

Do I love this woman. Yes. Does she love me? I don't believe so. I think she needs me sometimes but that's it. I am easily replaced by her or she'd still be here and I wouldn't be writing this.

High functioning borderlines tend to be people who "fit in" with society. They can hold jobs and socialize but the people closest to them like lovers and family (close friends too) know they have a problem. They don't tend to be cutters or into self mutalization like low functioning.

Good point Earth Angel about the cutting.  But mine did have an extreme issue with nail biting.  She would bite until they bled.  She also did have some OCD issues regarding some things.  She also was in a job where she controlled things (teacher).

Mine had a scar on her inner arm. She told me it was from welding but it was jagged.

red-flag (in retrospect).

I suspect she may have been a cutter at a younger age. I know she numbs out where she cannot feel anything and can be dissasociative.

This is a sad disorder beyond anything I ever thought I would experience. I feel like I'm becoming an expert on something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Arn, my dBPDexgf was high functioning. Two college degrees, near perfect crdit score and a military officer. To the outside world and to many of my friends, she was the perfect catch. I thought so to for a while. A little over a year ago she got promoted and I refused to go to the ceremony b/c 48 hours earlier she had raged at me and assaulted me. The night of her promotion, she attacked me with and broke the framed plague that came with the promotion and then proceeded to tear up my house. To most onlookers she is the sweetest, kindest most gentle person. To me she is a lying, cheating abuser.

BTW, the military is the perfect cover for her. In her position, she gets moved every 2 years and the people around her get shuffled in and out all the time. She didn't get along on a personal level with most of her coworkers but b/c of her position in the militaryabout every 60 days someone was leaving and a new officer would come in. The best example I can give is that I saw the evaluation that ger buddy filled out giving her the promotion. All the appropreaite boxes were checked. But, at the bottom of the form it asked the CO for a brief written explanation. this was very telling to me. The CO wrote that she was a good soldier but only needed some help as she felt the other officers were getting preferential treatment and better hours, vacations etc. So in other words, the cracks were just starting to show. The victim cracks. 30 days later, the CO was shipped to a different base 700 miles away. Fortunately for her, no one ever gets close enough to her before the military shipd them off. She had 5 CO's at that post in 2 years.

Mine is high functioning (C level corporate executive)... definitely OCD... . he is also addicted to tattoos-bad, which I think is part of the soothing with pain... . he gets ones that take 4-5 hours to complete.

Ex was (extremely) high functioning... She had good jobs, with the current company she is about 10yrs. R/S for +30yrs. which ended abruptly (BPD way, in a blink of an eye) a few yrs. ago 

In retrospect:

+ Years she wore a leather bracelet (leather shrinks when dry) her saying "Sometimes I really feel myself when it is so tight, then it gives me such a good feeling of releave ”. red-flag

+ She left her family also abruptly after an outburst when she was 18yrs., didn’t want contact for almost a decade.   red-flag

+ After she left her parent, came to live with my family. Stability, but also as she had burnt all she knew. Did she “just” stay as she had no where else to go? (never seen it as I was in deeply in love, AND later she denied to answer that question)

+ Years of “relatively stability” continued, arguments were draining for me, circular, no logic to find.

+ As of age 42 ( and more that 20 yrs. R/S) the first and real outburst of discontent towards me. I wasn’t a father, nor partner and was insane.

After a few years the outburst came every 3 to 5 months, extreme reactions for “nothing”, just out of the blue. Directly after the eruption she was able to continue her doings as if nothing happened.

Couples therapy, she tried to convince my madness, my inability to be a partner.  I found support and learned techniques. Her outbursts minimized to  1 a year...

She was very sociable. Well seen in the community., but to an extend that family became 2nd place(!). 

A few remarks:

+ outside home professional/sociable, at home… just boring and doing her thing, no ideas, no satisfaction

   (as on stage: when the audience is gone, they cease to exist)

+ others are not close, so do not threaten her emotional wellbeing

+ work is professional, not aimed towards her, so distance again.

+ they “save” there inner agitation only for there partner. BUT, doing that by projection, then he is the source of there pain accumulated during that day.

+ there is no point telling others, they absolutely don’t believe you. Not even a family doctor (they are not educated!)

She, it fits exactly as Mr. Randy Kreger describes with HF BPD. Below the list ( I really hope I do not violate copyrights, if so, please remove)

+Denial is their primary characteristic. They disavow having any problems and see no need to change. Relationship difficulties, they say, are everyone else’s fault. In couples therapy, their goal is often to convince the therapist that they are being victimized

+They cope with their pain by raging outward, blaming and accusing family members for real or imagined problems (“acting out”) or abusive to significant others

+Family members’ greatest challenges include coping with verbal abuse, trying to get their family member to seek treatment, and maintaining their self-esteem and sense of reality.

+They refuse to seek help from the mental health system. If they do go, they usually don’t intend to work on their own issues.

+They may hide their low self-esteem behind a brash, confident pose that hides their inner turmoil. They usually function quite well at work and only display aggressive behaviour toward those closed to them (high functioning). But the black hole in the gut and their intense self-loathing are still there. It’s just buried deeper

+Situational Competence in most places other than the home

+Are often perfectionists in some areas of their lives and sometimes do achieve near perfection in these areas

+Well Thought of in the Community

+Highly Successful Professionally

+Lack of Physical Self Mutilation