BPDFamily.com

I haven't posted for quite a long time and I'm not sure which of the two boards is right for me, so I'm going to try this one and see how it works out.

Still feeling pretty crushed from my uBPD mum's week-long stay over Christmas. DH and I were already feeling tired and depleted when she arrived, and that's always a bad state to be in a the start of a visit!

I don't know what else to say about it at the moment, just feeling empty.

I tried this board first because healing is always the main objective for me. I don't want to be stuck in pain. I know I can't give my mum much direct help, but I try to keep some kind of relationship going and hope that healing myself will have a beneficial effect on her, even if it's only very minor.

It's difficult, though.  :'(

Chayka

Hi chayka,

I'm sorry that you had a difficult visit. That can really make you feel deflated and frustrated.   I know how empty it can feel after a painful and unpleasant visit. What happened while your mother was visiting, and how would you like for your next visit to be different?

I can understand why you don't want to be in pain indefinitely. I've been there too. Are you working with a therapist? That can really help you develop some good strategies in a safe environment. Have you had a chance to check out the Survivor's Guide (on the right of this page)? That's the path that really helps you break away from the pain you're feeling and move towards growth and healing.

You're not alone. We're here for you. 

  I just wanted to add my hello!

I remember feeling exhausted every time my parents would visit, too. It has been a while since I have seen them in person, but when I did, I found that I needed to limit my time with them and also plan some extra self-care for myself. For instance, I might plan a night out with friends or a massage or yoga right before and after time with my mother. Would there be a length of time you would prefer your parents' visit to last? What things help you feel more rested and centered?

I am glad you popped in and hope you'll stick around!

Wishing you peace,

PF

I completely understand... . every time my mother visits, I feel like a shell of myself for a few days afterward. Stay strong and take care of yourself -- maybe be extra gentle with yourself for a few days. I imagine that's about the best any of us can do.