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Title: Tough Time of Year Post by: Reforming on January 02, 2014, 03:51:54 PM I've been feeling a strong pull towards my exBPDgf.
We separated September 2012 8 months after I discovered she was having an affair with a work colleague. We tried couple therapy (I instigated it) but she never really committed and once we separated I pretty much avoided all contact. It's over a year since I've seen or spoken to her and then in November, a couple of days before my birthday I got this text. "You should know that you will always be one of the most special people in the world to me and nothing that you do or I do could ever change that. Please don't respond, there is too much hurt already. And no matter what you say, I know that this is the same for you. Life is just too perilous for the really important things not to be on record. xxx" I didn't respond but it ripped the scabs off. It made me angry and then so sad because it's so messed up. Worlds mean nothing Actions define and reveal us. Despite all this I feel very vulnerable now. We were together for 16 years and I still miss her an awful lot Happy new year Y'all Title: Re: Tough Time of Year Post by: Waifed on January 02, 2014, 04:03:01 PM Wow, that's tough. Maybe you should respond to her that if you care so much about me you should not send me BS texts trying to manipulate me and see what kind of response you get. Kudos for having the strength not to respond. I don't know how I would respond in all honesty.
Title: Re: Tough Time of Year Post by: Reforming on January 02, 2014, 04:10:56 PM Thanks Waifed.
You're absolutely right. It is completely manipulative but I don't think she's even aware that it is. But more than anything else - it's incredibly immature… Of course what we do to other people affects how they feel about us Actions have consequences and love can be poisoned, damaged and killed That's life It's childlike to think otherwise Title: Re: Tough Time of Year Post by: Waifed on January 02, 2014, 04:16:47 PM Thanks Waifed. You're absolutely right. It is completely manipulative but I don't think she's even aware that it is. But more than anything else - it's incredibly immature… Of course what we do to other people affects how they feel about us Actions have consequences and love can be poisoned, damaged and killed That's life It's childlike to think otherwise I used to tell my ex all the time that she was immature. I knew nothing about BPD and pretty much called her out on all the "symptoms" at one time or another during the relationship. She was a Waif and they tend to be very passive aggressive so I am totally sensitive to manipulation. It is sad because she probably did mean what she said when she said it. The problem is their feelings change like the wind. If you could take away cheating and the fact that they may leave you at a moments notice, I would probably stay with her forever even though my quality of life would have been bad. I truly just wanted to give her a good life, as I am sure you feel the same way. Title: Re: Tough Time of Year Post by: Reforming on January 02, 2014, 05:39:29 PM Yes it's weird when you step out of the FOG and finally get some distance. I'm really struck by the sheer childishness.
But I also realise that she can't see it. It's the way her mind works. Despite everything the cheating and everything else she portrays herself as a victim When I discovered her affair I read a whole chain of emails between her and the idiot she was sleeping with. And in one he went on about how he wanted to rescue her. From what? Classic waif |