BPDFamily.com

First lawyer was right, get her to sign now while she is still here and relatively stable.

Conversation a month ago: she wanted less than guideline support to not screw me over financially. Then last night, talked about it being "fair" for everybody, then asked me to recalculate my obligation.then tonight, flat out asked for guideline support without filing.

That is when I said no.

If I am obligated, I want legal protection, and realistically, it protects all of us. I want stability. She still argued. I don't remember how it started, but I talked about not trusting her, nor the narcissistic bfs she has had besides me. I explained them all and then said I was the longest and most adult by far. I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she devalued and discarded me (the therapist said I was justified in saying this, I was waiting for the right moment). She replied that she felt devalued (didn't want to get mean and offer that is probably her dads justification "wife too busy with kids and cooking". Then I described my profile of the current boy. She said, oh, so you've been studying this guy! Conversation was going nowhere, so I steered it back to custody. The smirk on her face went away and she started crying. I was more gentle, but no less firm an logical. She then relented, "then let's just file." THANKS. Could have done this a month ago.

What did I learn? She changed her mind three times after telling me to "trust her" and she didn't even realize it. Felt bad and wanted to discuss r/s, but one can't process things (I think she does have some legitimate gripes about me) with someone who thinks everyone will cheat ot abandon them, and doesn't trust men. Will probably get a chance to say that at some point, though it is pointless.

This has been a long and difficult road, Turkish.  I'm glad that you have reached an agreement.

How do you feel about it?

I  feel I  trusted my gut and it was right, not trusting her no matter how reasonable and nice she was laying it out. I  don't like those conversations,  my non confrontational side,  like it less when she starts crying... .   brought on by the custody conversation,  not the other stuff I said.  maybe another month of WoE... .   I've made it this far, I  can hack the rest if there's an end in sight.

Not trying to be a downer, but I'm not seeing where you've reached a custody agreement.

If your experience will be anything like mine, expect this to drag out for awhile.

My ex has tried to pull so many tricks, it's hilarious.

We're 5 months in and we've been to court in 2 states, had several "meeting of the minds" that completely blew up, and I just petitioned a judge to not ratify the current agreement I just signed. Lol.

We're basically right back where we started.

Nice... WTG Turk,... . I've done one divorce. It wasnt a lot of fun. I know the kinds of feelings that you are having. My divorce was in 1995. I wrote the whole thing. She contested me on nothing. I was fair. I took custody of the children and gave her the house. I asked her for nothing. I asked the judge to waive support. She lived up to her end. She contributed nothing. We share five children. I did not fight about the visitation arrangements. I was very liberal. It really turned out to be the best divorce that I could have ever hoped for. I didn't want the divorce but it had to happen. All of the kids are exceptional. No drunks. No druggies. All at the very tops in their fields. Couldn't have turned out any better. We all love one another. I am very good friends with their mother. That took about five years to happen. At first I couldn't be in the same room with her. Now we are good friends. She tried to rape me a couple years ago but I was able to keep my integrity. It'll be ok Turk.

I  feel for you Santa... .   it won't be over until it's over.  mine can't handle our kids.  had to go out running this morning.  weekends well be tough for her  when she has them.  her functioning modes are cycles.

Perfidy.  that's great. a  buddy of mine went through worse  cheating and verbal/ emotional abuse then divorce,  but after about 6 years they were friends.