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Title: Enough is Enough Post by: looking4myself on January 04, 2014, 07:11:49 AM I haven't heard that phrase in easily over 20 years, if not more. My father (who I loved dearly and passed when I was 21) used to say: "Enough is Enough".
Well, now I say: "Enough is Enough". I am the only one to blame for the situation in which I am now, for my misery, my depression, my slothliness. If I want my life to improve, I need to start taking responsibility. I have to stop waiting for my uBPDh to make a move first because it's not about him (not to mention he just never will because of this illness); this journey is about me. If I want my life to change, I have to work on myself; I have to allow myself to work on myself. I have to stop living in the "FOG" (fear, obligation, guilt). I have to do the work because I should know these things about myself regardless or whether or not my uBPDh is around. This is something I should've figured out about myself in college, but since I got involved with my uBPDh right off the bat, I didn't. So I begin by asking myself: "What are my values"? Here are the links to the reading I've been doing: Boundaries: Living our Values: https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries The Gnome Exercise: https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries My values: 1. I value cleanliness. I value a comfortable, clean and safe home. 2. I value timeliness. 3. I value hard work. 4. I value consistency. 5. I value emotional intelligence (the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically) 6. I value creativity and self-expression through art. This one, ironically enough because I built my professional life around art, brings tears to my eyes. Maybe because for one reason or another, I feel that it is wrong to act on this value. Maybe because I’ve allowed this value to become victim/play the martyr to my feelings of failure when in reality, it is I who am to blame for my thin boundaries. I'm going to sit on these values for a bit and re-read them and re-evaluate. Once I'm comfortable with my list, I will begin to create a list of consequences (for my family and myself) if any of my boundaries are challenged. Title: Re: Enough is Enough Post by: dontknow2 on January 04, 2014, 08:54:54 AM Knowing your values, what is important to you, and having the courage to take responsibility. Empowering for me to hear it. I get so easily sidetracked. Thank you.
I am sorry to hear about your father's loss. Title: Re: Enough is Enough Post by: looking4myself on January 04, 2014, 01:05:17 PM Thank you so much for your message, dontknow2. I, too, get easily sidetracked so am working hard to make a concerted effort to stay on track.
A few challenges presented themselves this morning and I'm using these as opportunities to work backwards toward my value. To ask myself which value I felt was violated. As a result, I'm adding the following to my list: I value rules, respect and preparedness. |