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I have been close to losing it lately. She has been laying it on thick for months now. She is moving to the Northwest, hopefully before August. The other day, I had a nice dinner ready to go, and I had vacuumed and swept. None of it matters. Something set her off by the time she got home, something involving me doing work for her, as usual. I guess it was not to satisfaction. After being banished to the other room and receiving text after text referencing how terrible I was and everything being my fault, I walked up stairs and explained that I had done nothing wrong. I said I did this and this all for you and frankly I don't know what I do it, because you are just going to go f**k some guy in Oregon. (though she has probably already done this on her previous visit). I have seen some texts and emails, unbeknownst to her, and I was fed up enough to call her out on it. (To be fair: She says we are in an open relationship but she still treats me like I am her husband or something.) Almost minutes after I made this accusation, she is texting me with what appears to be the first heart felt apology in some time. Admitting that she should have told me about him outright and that she is a selfish b***h. Of course, within 12 hours, she is already berating me again about absolute nonsense. So once again the apology really means nothing. I don't know... . maybe I should just keep reminding her that she is banging someone else and she is not my problem. Another incident came out recently, by accident through a friend, where she had slept with a friend of hers who also was good friends with my replacement at the time (revenge sex), thereby making all this guy's girlfriend's paranoia totally justifiable. Meanwhile, she had me defending her reputation. Makes me sick.

She has told me, demanded really, that I need to date other women. I need to sleep with someone else. I told her I don't want to do this. It seems like she wants me to do that so that she can just demonize me further, and she didn't tell me about the other guy because it would make it okay for me to see other people without repercussion. Her narcissistic tendencies are growing dramatically. Apparently she is going to be characterized in a comic book. That should really help reduce her sense of entitlement 

Counting down the days until she is gone and I can begin some kind of recovery. Couldn't be better timing. She wants a kid so much lately, and it freaks me out. I've already mentioned she can barely handle her cats. She has been hanging out with and bragging about her relationship with other peoples kids lately. They do seem to like her, but I guess I see the deep dark and twisted nature of her disorder and its link to childhood. With her distorted perceptions on the world and the people in it, her child will end up being a psychopath, without a doubt.

Hey Bulgakov,

It sounds like you are going through devaluation/denigration with your gf? I'm sorry to hear that. I remember it being the most confusing, frustrating and stressful periods with my STBX. It's not something that I want to experience again. I feel for you.

Are you leaving her?

I have 3 kids with STBX. She is loving with my kids S2, S5, D8.

She has a daughter that is 14 now. SD14 has gone through a lot before I met her mom with the various bf's she had and the affects of that devaluation and fighting, she has seen it all and it has affected her.

Count your blessings you don't have a child with her.

Well, I guess after enough arguments where she said we shouldn't be together, and I stopped arguing against that, we have come to be in an open relationship. Mind you, this is for her benefit and she would likely still hold me to the standards of a boyfriend while doing whatever and whomever she likes. I think it is mostly because she thinks she has the opportunity to move. She even admitted that she must be worse lately because she needs to justify leaving me. That understanding never lasts long. I told her I was not going to convince her to stay with me. So now I am just riding it out until she moves.

There have been two pregnancy scares that left me knowing I did not want to be with this person, even though I crave in many cases.

Maybe nudge her a little harder Bulgakoy to move out for your sanity?

If you have made up your mind to get off of the roller-coaster, be firmer.

I'm not understanding the craving part Bulgakoy. Do you crave her companionship or setting down/child?

I typo'd there. I crave her companionship, not children. But lately, she just triggers my anxiety. She will be visiting where she wants to move again this month. She says she will be looking for jobs this time. I am positive she is setting something up with a guy there. It hurts me. Especially her not being open about it. But I have also wanted this to happen. It gives her more security with moving somewhere and I figure it will help finalize this whole deal, with her feeling she has made the decision, which she has for the most part. I can't afford to move. With her leaning heavily towards moving, and to another state, I'm trying to wait it out for a few more months. You are right. I need to nudge a little harder. Hopefully this next trip will bring us a little closer to being out of each others' hair. I should probably be putting forth effort to talk up how awesome living there will be 

From my experience, it didn't take long once she found the replacement for her to be determined to move out. She was having sex with him. The worst part of the entire r/s is when she started to denegrade/devalue me day to day due to her sense of guilt from an extra marital affair with OM. It's when the crazy dial  really got cranked up. I'll never forget those months, that year. The rages, blame-storms, rapid idealization/devaluation cycles, gas lighting was very frequent and on a whole other level.

I think that once she knew she had her hooks in him, she quickly overlapped the relationship and left. She had tunnel-vision and chased that new shiny object.  

I clearly remember that I had had enough, I knew the end was near and I had just let her ride it out because I didn't care. I just shut down r/s wise and concentrated on the kids and tried to shelter them from conflict.

Watch for yourself after she leaves though, that's when it hit me.

I appreciate the heads up about after she leaves. I'm sure it will be very difficult, especially once I have gone a while without being devalued.

I saw a couple emails they exchanged. Stuff about them being ideal life partners and what not. It really killed me. But there was this small part of me thinking, "Oh no! You're going to smother him and scare him away!" They really do make us crazy. But with my work and education, I need someone that is way more relaxed and secure in their attachments. That or nobody for now. I need to keep that in mind and not lose site of what is good for me in the long term.

It took me awhile to recognize that I actually missed the highs and lows and being all over the place after she had left. It also took awhile to acclimatize to a new regime sans (not 24/7) drama. Go figure, it's not something that I had anticipated. Trust me, there's still drama, but I don't have to live with her  |iiii


Seeing e-mail exchanges  has to hurt. I can't empathize because I ignored what was going on.

It sounds like you have it figured out in the long term and I agree, they do drive us crazy. How long can we really stay on that roller-coaster until the bottom falls out? Good idea with thinking long-term and looking for a more relaxed life-style. I'm not sure about your BPD gf but mine can only think day to day and can't think long-term at all and it's to her detriment I think.