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Amongst the lies, the talking to other guys, the abuse, the depression, her tearing me down my exBDgf has done so many things to me however I think this was the most hurtful.

My ex and I were very close, she was very close to my family and I was close to hers. She has come to my family home around 3 times in Florida from California and my mother was very good to her, they would talk on the phone a lot. Anyways we broke up in Nov 2012 but were still very much together and decided to have NC in Jan of 2013. My moms sister had died about 2 weeks after no contact, so I flew back home and I was devastated as my mom was extremely close to her and she had twins who are 16 years old. (my aunt was also BD) anyways I called her and left a voicemail very upset just telling her that my aunt died and I really needed positive energy and support... .

-HER RESPONSE... .

I actually did not get a response for 3 days and it was in an email form:

"I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you"

Initially I thought that was rude and cold but what else could really be expected. Sure I would have called any of my ex's that I had just broken up with if something devastating had happened in their families. That  was just the begining.

-What really hurt:

We recycled about a month after my aunt died. And I found an email that she sent to her mother saying how I was using my aunts death to try and get back together with her. I did not say anything but internally I flipped out. Was she for real, I asked myself... . I am a very honest person and I would tell you if thats what I wanted but I just wanted to talk to someone who I was so close with and just for them to be like stay strong, in fact I shouldn't even have had to defend myself.

THE MOST HURTFUL PART:

She never once contacted my mother saying I am so sorry for you loss etc... . Take in mind my mother has lost her fiancé, father, best friend and sister all in a span of 2 years - talk about bad luck. My mother was so good to me... . And then my ex brought it up when day and cried about how bad she felt that she never contacted us, oh what a bunch of bs... .

I would say that her falling in love with some guy who was 20 years old at rehab after 6 days of being there was the most hurtful but this was... .


HER REPLACEMENT CAN F*CKING HAVE THAT PIECE OF GARBAGE!

I hope one day I can get over the anger, this has been my choice to have NC since august, she has found a replacement, sure I'm sad but they met on fbook and she's tragic and I don't know him so I can't say anything bad about him... .

 List of hurt

She is an alcoholic who used that for an excuse to cheat 5 times.

She was drunk and got physically abuseive

She lied to friends and family about me,  which was projection.

False character attacks. Projection

In rehab she got in a public r/s on facebook with a guy in rehab a week after I went n.c .

The same guy I caught her texting while on a weekend pass from rehab . " I miss you , I wish I was with you now" she was in bed with me.  last straw I bounced. 6th infidelity.

Called my house several times and hung up after N/C

Had random ppl friend me on facebook to spy on me. The where dumb enough to have pictures of each other on thier account.


The absolute worst thing was talking bad about my mom who past last march. She didn't even know her.

She was on her way out again.  This must have been the 30th split.

I was crying.  I was begging.  I was beggin the girl I was in love with for hope.  To just give me some kind of hope that we could get help and work on our family.

She laughed at me.  The girl who was the mother of my child that I had given so much to, made me beg for HOPE, then laughed at me in my face.

Time to get a tattoo... . maybe the word "Hope" with maggots crawling out of it?

My ex dumped me the same day my best friend told me we couldn't be friends anymore because I was gay. Ex then ran off to her ex for a month in another state.

So in one day I lost my best friend and confidante and the person I lost her for. Things were never the same when my ex returned. That really hurt me and I never forgave her for it.

Honestly, I can't even pick one out.   Everytime I start to type something another thing pops in my head.   I guess the most hurtful thing mine ever did was hate me so much that he could not leave.  If that makes any sense at all.

She split me away from my family for seven years. During that time, my father got leukemia. My sister finally broke the silence and told me, saying he only had a short time to live. Not caring anymore what my exBPDw said, I got in my car and drove 1000 miles and visited him in the hospital, and he was only skin and bones. I cried and cried. All that time wasted. That was the last time I saw him alive. She, on the other hand, showed no remorse and was only concerned if my family mentioned her.

If there was any silver lining, this was the time that I told my family EVERYTHING. About BPD and my marriage. I quit protecting her reputation because it wasn't worth protecting anymore. I swore she would never keep me from my family again, and she never did. It was the beginning of the end for us.

I knew something was messed up with our sex life, but he swore up and down he was faithful. The only other conclusion was that something was wrong with me. I believed this for 17 years. His lies were so masterlly crafted I believed everyone of them, until the mask fell.  I found out about his cheating, 14 years of it, I was crying day in and day out, not knowing how I could stay in this marriage. After one week, ONE WEEK, I couldn't sleep so I went to the living room and started crying. He woke up, came after me and said with that face that is about to have a rage: "I'm sick of your crying. Just get over it. Why can't you do that? Why can't you just be happy!".

I couldn't breathe... . is this guy for real?

That's when I made the decision to leave.

I was retriggered when I caught a glimpse of the ex driving through town after +1 year of NC - it brought back a whole new cycle of grief.

I did a "top 10 list" of the rotten nasty things she pulled - I stopped when I hit 20. There is was in black and white. WOW why did I stay past the 2nd or 3rd?

For me it is not what she did to me but why I tolerated it.

She made me feel guilty for everything i done or not done.

She made me feel guilty and responsible for her attempt while me i was in an ANOTHER country.

She cheated.

She's back in her country while i was keeping HER son with me telling me she was "building a future for us" and complaing i was doing nothing while in reality she was PROSTITUTING herself with several old bussinessmen and later reproching me it was my fault cause i didn't help her financially knowing perfectly that i was not in the economic position to do it,even before leave.She just had to come back to the people who loved her... . no,too easy,better give me a devastating pain and makes me feel guilty for been painful too (did she validated my feelings even just for 5 minutes?naaaaa   )

She betrayed me under every way possible... . as person,partner,lover... . psychologically,emotionally... . she betrayed my mind and my soul deeply.

And what is worst she made every effort to convince me i was her soulmate,her fiancée,the man of her life,her everything... . that she was my only half,the one she would have loved forever in despite of everything... . that we were meant to be together.

Pratically,the worst thing she did was to be my girlfriend.

The last few horrific days(my birthday) I spent with my exUBPDgf in round 2 of devaluation when I witnessed her actual splitting into 2 distinct personalities in the span of about 10 minutes. I was in her house(she lives outside of Boston, I live in NY), she was coming home from work(there was a tornado warning in her area and she freaked), I was waiting by the door as I always did to greet her. As I stood at the door and her 2 sons ran past me and both hugged me and said "Hi", she approached the door and gave me this look as if I was a complete ___ing stranger; and walked right past me making sure not to even brush up against me. I stood there watching this. She walks to her kitchen, a few minutes pass, I follow her to the kitchen(knew she was spooked about the tornado and went to comfort her), I walk right up to her and barely even brush her arm with my fingers to go hold her, and she blurts out in a cold voice ":)ON'T TOUCH ME." I freeze. My mouth drops open. I felt like someone just kicked me in the stomach. I turn around and manage to walk back to her living room and sit down on the couch. I am SCREAMING inside. Her 2 sons are watching/playing tv and see my face, and ask "Ironmanfalls, are you ok?" I somehow nod my head without muttering a word. I am SCREAMING inside. I want to cry. about 10 minutes later, she slowly walks to the living room. I am still sitting on the couch looking straightforward and see her out of the corner of my eye. She slowly turns her head towards me(I am still seeing this out of corner of my eye) and she barely mumbles the words in the softest voice, "Baby, did you eat something today?" It takes me maybe 30 seconds to even register that she even said that to me. I somehow nod my head and mumble the word "yes". I am still SCREAMING inside. I want to break down and cry and run the hell out of there.

Those were the 2 distinct personalities. That whole scenario has been inscribed into my brain. I never felt more unwanted and hurt in my entire life than with what I experienced there. The way she looked at me when she entered the house. The way she spoke to me when I went to go comfort her. And then when she reverted back to her original side. I can't. I never want to experience that ever again.

wow I have quite a list.  Some of his better grievances include:

1. Having a swinger orgy with some mutual acquaintances of mine to get back at me for breaking things off. then lied about it... . for 2 years.  And then continued to hang out with them behind my back the entire time.

2. signed me up secretly for a dating website claiming I  was "average" and "bisexual".  Im neither.

3. found a replacement for me because I went on a week long vacation to see an old friend and he couldn't handle me doing something without him.  He dumped me for her a few weeks later. Once he knew she was hooked.

4. hacked into my online accounts so he could stalk my email and chats with people.  Then creepily mention my chats with others in passing... as if he had a psychic ability and we were so connected.

5. stalked me and all of my male friends for 5 months AFTER he had discarded me for my replacement

6. Made a big deal about me applying for my masters degree near his home and then when I suggested we move in together he laughed at me and said no.  I wound up getting my masters elsewhere. THANK GOD

Can you say bathit crazy?  thank goodness thats over.  I sort of feel bad for his new girlfriend (my replacement)  she's in for one hell of a life with him. 

My friends, I am trying not to think about it.  I have ruminated untold hours over the unspeakable dishonesties, betrayals and insensitivities that I experienced in my long run.  I want to turn the page... . wish it wasn't so damn heavy.

Fiddle

ah, but you see, fiddlestix, maybe you hadn't thought of this, but making a written list is quite different than ruminating.  it is something physical, tangible, you don;t have to try to remember it - you just write it once and add to it as memories surface.  this can accomplish a LOT by having hard undesputable proof vs the haunting, circular, vagueries of rumination.

you could even print a copy and burn it in a ritual... . during one period of time i was so desperate for relief and it actually helped me to let go!  i even took pictures of the stuff i was burning and have revisited them from time to time.  very nourishing and reaffirming for me.  if you haven't tried it, rituals can be very useful or freeing.

so, ya might want to reconsider.   |iiii

Ucmeicu2, well said, my friend.  A written list is indeed helpful. Journaling is a time-tested spiritual discipline.  In fact, I have written lists.  I refer to them when I wish I was still with her.  I just hope we don't get stuck in that place.

Fiddlestix75@yahoo

   The list of hurtful things she did is too long to go into here, so I'll just give the most hurtful;

   The first time (that I know of) that she cheated on me, it was with a guy I'd known for 10 years, and while we weren't close mates, we'd have a beer and a yarn if we ran into each other at the pub (where he eventually confessed this to me). His girlfriend - who knew full well that she was in a r/s with me - invited her to their place for a threesome, and when he asked her "aren't you with free'n'clear?", she said "no, silly, he's my cousin" 

   

calling the police when i tried to explain our joint BPD issues. The police arrived at my door 2 days later warning me that i was giving her ' unwanted attention' after we had lived together for 3 months and i nursed her back to health after a nearly successful suicide attempt. Since then NC and i now realise i never want to see her again ( its taken a year), i just hope she can open up and heal and stop damaging her parters of which there has been many aparantley

Mirrored me and everything I loved, had me work as hard as I could to make her happy and fulfilled, got her her dream job. Then when she was freaking out? Started a 6 month affair with the investor and sadistically phoned/text me when with him, cryptic clues she was showing to him. I paid for an abortion I'll never know if it was mine. Then at the end walked away as if it was day zero. Leaving me to clean up the devastation. All while I had my 2 children around me. For that I may never forgive myself.

She is like the witch in Snow White poisoned apples and all.

Forgive her? The world is worse that she exists.

God bless my children for being so whole.

He broke off our engagement via text message and had me meet him in a Walgreen's parking lot to give the ring back... would barely even speak to me and would not look at or touch me. It was the worst day of my life hands down. :'(

Complete sense, absolutely

I've never been hated with such love

Then the opposite.

Amazing

Let's see, cheating, lying, dv order, threats, the usual BPD stuff.  However when I broke up with her a week ago and asked for my boots back, she said she gave them to someone more deserving and that she had been cheating on me for the entire relationship.   I believe she got a perverse enjoyment out of telling me that because she already had my replacement hooked.  I wonder?  Why do we always feel bad for the replacement?  

    Because we know what they're in for, and they don't.

Free and Clear,

  Amen.

lying, cheating, hidden credit cards, check forgery. But to top off the list... .

Took my daughter to police station to have abuse charges filed against me!

... . The reason... .

Because I grounded my daughter because she did not do a chore for two weeks!

Of course it was not approved by the judge.

Well the verbal and emotional abuse, that's the obvious ones.

But honestly, the worst thing he did to hurt me was realize that he had problems, but yet blamed it all on me.

I know he knows he has issues, but he cannot face them.

It's sad, and cowardly, and not a way to live. But it is what it is.

I'm facing my issues now. I will never be abused by anyone ever again, I will not be looked upon as a source of money, sex or comfort. There will be mutual love and respect in my life.

I will never again be browbeaten by someone who is not my moral or intellectual equal.

God bless,

L

I haven't decided to end it yet but already there has been a long list. Part of me wishes I could forget all the bad things, but I always seem to go there, rather than to the happy times.

They are:

Buying sexy things to wear on our honeymoon night and then refusing to put them on.

Yelling at me in front of her daughter degrading me.

Saying "f off" and other choice superlatives when we fight and threatening divorce every single time.

Manipulating and making me feel guilty if I do not do what she wants.

Letting an argument fester and refusing to "make peace", walking away and leaving me standing there at Heathrowe airport without a loving goodbye.

Never being appreciative for anything I do or have sacrificed for us to be together.

Oh it all just sucks.  :'(

Told me I couldn't be trusted.

Now this might not seem a big deal but I am the trustworthy nice person. I'm not that pretty, I'm not particularly talented at anything but I am a good, kind person.

He took that away from me. The person closest to me, who knows the most about me took that away.

I have nothing left.

Lil Opener,

   Try not to take that to heart. They trust no one. Mine said I betrayed her by broadcasting her "red flags" to everyone. Yes, I did that but only because I thought I was going crazy... . after her dumping me 6x in a little over a year and leaving for exes.

It's projection. HE was not trustworthy. Had nothing to do with you.

March 2012 to February 2013 with her I'll never forget, the most painful, hurtful experience with uBPD stbx and anyone for that matter

devaluation/discard

cheating and lying about the affair

lack of sympathy and empathy when she left

the inability to communicate with her due to her black thinking and breaking up a young family for her selfish needs

the devaluation/projection that came with all of that to justify her actions, self-worth and to eject her feelings of inadequacy, that us something else to experience. But I'm preaching to the choir on the Leaving board.

distortion campaign

Valentine's day last year.  Took me for a dinner cruise and after I flew halfway across the world to spend it with him, threw a hissy fit when I asked if he got me a gift. Ended up sitting there crying while he sat and drank and verbally abused me (you're destroyed, damaged goods among other things).  Ended up going home with strangers who saw he was too drunk to drive.  Got home and he came in and repeatedly told me he was fing done with me (we were engaged).  I was sobbing and begging him to stop.  He wouldn't leave and cornered me against the bed.  I ended up hitting him out of desperation because I just couldn't take it anymore.  He continued so I slapped him three times.  He then restrained my hands and punched me in the stomach.  Three times.  His defence? I hit him first, it was self defence.  Oh and according to him I hit him 5 times and he only punched me once.  Not true, but even if it was, it's not good enough.  The irony is he will spend this valentines day with his wife.  My poor replacement.  She told me she married him for better or for worse.  Poor girl doesn't know what the wor worse means... . yet.

Hmm... this reply looks like a good place to start:  This doesn't even scratch the surface... . but it's a good start  

1.  Accused me of flirting with her mother on Thanksgiving... . and being obsessed with her breasts... . and trying to hook up with her... . yep.  Her mom is over 60 years old, and I am 40 (at the time).  She came over to my house after being broke up a month later... . drunk, yelling in my yard.  I ask her to come in and she starts rubbint this in my face;  "I ___ed two guys since we broke up!  How does that make you feel?"  My buddy was at my house... . She wouldn't leave, but I told him... "T*** get this b*tch off my property"  That one was pretty bad.  Super hateful and hurtful.  

2.  Accusing me of making up my father being sick and needing me to take him to see the doctor.  I was just lying apparently so I could get out of hanging out with her…

3.  Accusing me of being a narcissist and a voyeur.  Everyone else is the one with personality disorders…told me she talked to a shrink (on a forum) that diagnosed me …over the web…One that has never met me, nor knows her way of “telling stories”.

4.  Melting down on me when I was traveling.  Texting me telling me that I am on a “mission to hurt” her.  Making me feel miserable when I travelled for work.  Torturing me in Tucson AZ for not catching a flight home 5 hours earlier than scheduled because I was tired... wanted to sleep in and maybe sightsee since I had worked four 14 hour days in a row.  That never happened because she made me so miserable.  She accused me of having her mother with me on the trip too... . wow!

5.  Humiliating me in front of my friends.  Showing her @ss in front of my mom and making me stop a gig I was playing for one of her rages.  She did this raging while playing twice.  Totally humiliating.  

6.  Writing me hateful letters and texts.  She left me a letter once on one of our many breakups telling me that everything was my fault and how much she hated me.  Making fun of my body to eat at my confidence and self esteem.

7.  Continuing to badger me when I told her my blood pressure was 188/102 (due to her stressing me out…was never high till I started seeing her.).  Told her I wasn’t coming over there because I was terrified I could have a stroke and die.  She didn’t care.  B*tch.

8.   Throwing me out of her house one night during sexual foreplay…saying I smelled like I’d been “screwing an old nasty whore”…Not sure how she knows what one smells like but whatever…

9.  :)istrusting me so much that she found that she needed to validate her fears (and found nothing because there was nothing to find…so sad) about me cheating on her that she wiped my work Blackberry.  Bear in mind, she was on this trip with me.  I bought her an $800 plane ticket so she could go.  Also accused me of thinking of other women when we had sex on this trip.  Because I had my eyes closed….Of course…she can read minds too.  Amazing.

10.  Spilling a secret between us that I told her in the strictest of confidence.  One that I was so humiliated by.  She used it to hurt me after our final split.  Something I really needed to talk about anyway, but I couldn’t believe the cruelty.  Unbelievable that someone would use that for ammunition.  I did tell my friend that still has contact with her that if she ever asks what I said about that…I told him, you tell her this; “what you did was bar none… the meanest, nastiest, most heartless, and cruelest thing anyone has ever done to me” and that I hope that is what she wanted because she did succeed in hurting me in a way like no one else ever has and that I could not believe that someone could be that cruel.

Things she failed at hurting me with?  Smashing my car up.  Whatever.  I hope they sue her  ass off for that, but it didn’t hurt me emotionally other than being a sign that this ie OVER and I will never see her again.  The attempts on my life?  How much of a threat were they?  :)unno….but her cruelty sure doesn’t rule it out…both of these just made me sad…Made me realize just how pathetic she was.  

WOW... . that is a lot of stuff. The mother thing tripped me out. Sorry you went through that with her.

Unfortunately it is just a sample... . there was a lot more.  THose are some of the worse ones.  I share a lot of blame for this treatment because I stayed when CLEARLY I should have gone.  But I was snared by her.  We all know how a BP will make you feel like you have met someone you cannot live without (but what you have met is something you can't live WITH).  This is usually accompanied by plenty of ploys to keep you there... . like a awesome sex life, manipulation, suicide threats... . you guys know...  I think that you guys are here though because we did the same thing... . stayed.  Yeah, the mom thing?  That one still makes me wanna barf.  Thing that REALLY sucks about it?  She was never... . ever... going to let it go.  Being punished over and over for something you didn't do really sucks!  I knew in the back of my mind this was doomed because she would never let up, and I was never going to tell her I did something that I didn't.  I will not compromise my integrity... . especially to myself!

Well, there are a few I can think of off the top of my head:

Pushed me through a 2nd floor window

Keyed my car

Punched me in the throat as hard as she could and said she'd scream rape if I tried to block it

Threw a glass beer bottle at my face from 5 feet away (I ducked and it exploded on the wall behind me)

Pressed domestic violence charges against me (then later admitted she made it up)

Picked the lock to my condo and scared the hell out of me after knocking for almost an hour

Got me kicked out of my condo for all her screaming/flipping all the computer's at the security guard's station

Kicked me out of her car miles from anywhere on several occasions so I had to walk

Gave me several black eyes from being punched in the face

Pulled a knife on me twice

Scared me into sleeping in a bathtub or closet with the door locked more times than I can remember

Tricked me into getting her pregnant (said she was on birth control)

Stole our daughter and took her to another state when I had temporary custody

I'm sure there's more.

Hey hey hey hey,

No one can take anything from you like that, you have to give it. It's still yours and always will be. One reason you know is he used it to hurt you the most. It must be true that you are trustworthy.

They want to take the best of us.

And you are beautiful, have talent, it is natural in people. Don't get confused.

X

Thank you, you made me cry :-)

Irishmarmot

I think I feel bad for the replacement because I'm hoping in my heart of hearts that they will "see the light" before the lightning strikes...

And partly because I can empathize with what they are about to experience...

God be with them

As I sat with my father as he was dying (in the active dying phase), I had asked him (my ex) to come be with me as I had no one there with me, as in my mom passed away 12 years ago and my sister was too far away to get there in time.  My ex felt compelled to yell at me why I was so disrespectful to ask him such a thing.  He was yelling this to me over the phone as he drove on his way to a second date with some girl he'd met online.  We had been on/off for a month or so at that point.  It was never actually clear when we were "on" since he was always so vague and dumping me every other day.  It was beyond a doubt, the most cruel thing anyone has ever done to me.  He's done far more in his attempts to destroy me (his words) but this night made me feel pain so much worse than anything I could have ever imagined.  

Very simple. Not working on herself.

Being cutoff. Not having *any* empathy for my feelings the entire relationship. Her her her, always her.

the kids, my mother

he took everything from me. 

after twenty years he was able to take almost everything.  But what he has done to my children, the maniputalation an the brainwashing done to my teenage sons is the worst.  He also got to my mother the same way. 

He was and is good at taking what he wants.  But in the end he didn't get me, and I will never let anyone treat me that way again as long as I live

I had a huge cancer scare once and he decided to go into his silent treatment phase…I spent a weekend worrying that I had ovarian cancer….alone no family, docs very concerned. I called him sad and crying and nothing.  I had to have the ovary taken out (it was benign) but on the day of surgery he saw that my ex-husband (father of my children and a nice guy) had posted a nice post on Facebook to me, that made him angry and he abandoned me wouldn't call, did not come over nothing.  I dealt with the pain and recovery of surgery with no one except my children and a friend that lives down the road.  I don't have any family to help and he was gone.  I can't believe I ever took him back after that.

not strictly appropriate but my mother ( BPD) recently died, my brother and I held a 30 hour vigil at her bedside, my dad ( BPD / NPD) married to her for 71 years and never treated her well, sat in his chair making jokes and very inappropriate comments whilst my brother and I watched her die; He went to bed and missed the moment. Utter denial and downright callousness to the end. Now I have to look after him at 91 he cant boil an egg! my mother did everything and whilst not the easiest of women as a BPD at least she loved us as much as she could cared and tried to make it special until she gave up and starved herself to death out of the sheer agony of being with my father and suffering from rheumatoid arthritis! Guess what the last think she said to us was before she slipped in to a coma? ' look after your dad' they really are all bonkers

The most hurtful thing she did was cheated on me during Easter.  I had asked her to spend it with me and my kids but she said she needed to spend it with her mom since she had been out of town recently.  Instead she met up with a guy she met on a trip and had been chatting with and slept with him on Easter.  A couple of months later she flew overseas to meet the guy and shagged him for a couple of weeks over there.  Her response "Sorry Waifed, I ___ed up.  It was a fling.  Ours is an emotional thing.  ?I was trying to get over you?"  What a pig.  

Also, had she not subtly seduced me at work I would have never gotten into a relationship with her.

Waifed

Yes ... . by far... . the cheating was the ultimate betrayal for me

I found out that she'd been talking all along to the woman she was with before me ( 4 years ago) AND she also found someone else and got her hooks into her 5 weeks ago,

She bounced 5 days ago... . not a word from her except a matter of fact text today about some info she needed about our dog!

Just 5 five short days ago she was saying how good things were... .

Then. " I love you so much". But the relationship just isn't working for her... . REALLY

We've been together 4 years, married for 2

This is the ultimate betrayal.   So devastating

that's simply horrifying take2. i'm so sorry.

Yeah... . I heard plenty of $h!t like that dude... . She slept with three (maybe four because I lost count... . whore) while we were split up... . sometimes for a few days or a couple of weeks.  One of these guys she did HOURS after a fight.  She needed to "feel attractive" or to "get over me"... . or some blah blah blah rhetoric bullsh!t.  Apparently she thought to get over someone she had to get "under" someone else...  .She wouldn't go more than a few days or a week or two before she was shagging some other total piece of garbage that would do her because that's the way she likes to be treated apparently.  Whenever I asked her about this or tried to use it during a fight over her meritless ogling accusations I got, "that's COMPLETELY different!  We weren't togther at the time!"  That must make it okay to just screw strangers... . I could NEVER go off and screw someone because I felt hurt.  Sex is the LAST thing I desire then.  WHo ticks like that?  Really!   Apparently her accusations of me "looking" were far worse than her inabliltiy to keep her pants on... . Tramp... .

Mine cheated with random guys from craigslist, while I was working. Then walked out. Then sent pics of her doing sexual acts with her ex, and subsequently her sons father, who was never even in the picture when her and I were together. Sad to say that 2 years of NC later, I still love her. Jeeeeez... . what on earth does that say about me?

Says same thing it said about me... . that you love a person that doesn't exist.  I think we all "crave" that person that makes us so high... . Especially if you have codependency issues like most all BPD SOs do. We may detest that horrible black side of them, but it's the other side that makes us feel like we're almost god-like... . and we are so enamoured with them.  But unfortunately it's in a way that they aren't.  It's totally one-sided, and god... . damnit.  That really hurts to realize that.  Like "Eggshells" talks about layers.  BPDs aren't layered... . we can't peel away that nasty part from the good part.  They are more like scrambled eggs.  It's all mixed together.  Really we all are... . but they certainly are no different.  That mean, hateful, cruel, insecure stuff is part of the package.  Just how it is.  I know you guys hear me talk about how horrible she was right?  Well, there is a side to M that is beautiful... . sweet and very loving.  Made me feel like the king of the world.  Very kind and gentle... . 80% of the time.  The other 20% is horrible... . and intolerable.  That 20% outweighs the 80% unfortunately. 

She sent YOU pictures?  If I am reading that right you had a real number there bud... .

Well I sent pics of myself inside of her to the guy she slept with (and was still communicating with) along with a brutal letter expressing what a slut she was.  If he didn't know before he knows now :)  I almost posted the email on here but decided against it.  It was the worst thing I have ever sent to anyone in my life.  I was not in a good mental state at the time but damn it felt good!  This and an email about BPD to her resulted in a call from the cops.  :)

This might sound wonky, but (for lack of a better phrase) slutting themselves out with losers right after cheating on a "good guy" in a meaningful relationship, is a common pattern with women who have extreme low self-esteem. A part of them feels like garbage and hopeless for screwing up the good relationship and the betrayal deed confirms that they're worthless. Then to reconfirm it on an even more pathological level, they march forward on a slut parade sometimes screwing low-life's and underachievers, because it's like coming home to the worthless person whom they feel most comfortable being. The whole thing's twisted and sad, and you can't save them, change them--or tame them. Sometimes they get tired of it, maybe get real help, break the pattern, then relapse, or break the pattern for good. When beauty fades it's literally not a pretty picture. JMO.   

A pattern of absolute madness, destruction and sadness all rolled into one.

I've thought long & hard about my answer to this question. I've decided what I think was her/our most hurt filled moment.

I held my best friends hand while he died in hospital, 500 miles from my home.

I called to tell her **** had died & I'd held his hand while he passed away.

Her reply.

"Oh I don't know what to say. But hey to take your mind off it for a moment, I've got a new assistant at work & he's bloody gorgeous! All the other women are so envious ha ha ha".



It's a good job my arm isn't 500 miles long with a fist that could fit through a phone line!

Moonie... .   you know, I question over and over whether or not my ex is capable of empathy because of the times I've seen him truly seem to care... . yet at the MOST crucial moments for me when I needed it from him... . he was totally unable to give ANY... .    I feel for you in that situation.  I lived it in a different way.  It sucked so bad.

I can't even believe that a year has passed since then and I still went ahead and let him back in... .   to have him try to hurt/destroy me even more... .

After being together for over 3.5 years, engaged for 1.5, and living together since 6/12, he has ended it with me.  This has happened many times before, and we usually manage to work it out.  Just about every argument/fight has been about something so small.  I have never cheated, lied, etc.  The one thing he holds against me and won't forgive me for, is when he came home over a year and a half ago, and he had been in a fight (that wasn't his fault).  He was a mess... . bleeding, etc.  My first, also not my best reaction was, what the hell happened to you?  I was angry that this happened when he went out riding with the boys.  I admit, I could have handled this better, and I have apologized many, many times, but he still punishes me for this.  I know I should have been more supportive, and I've told him how awful I feel about that.  However, even prior to this, all fights were from something small.  Fast forward... . I am in a position where I still own my own condo, but have to let it go.  He was supposed to help me with that, by getting my stuff out of there.  Last week, I lost my job, which was not my fault.  I was given no valid reason why they were letting me go, except I knew for a fact it had to do with the woman who worked there, who did not like me.  I told him about it when he came home, and he was acting like it was my fault because I didn't kiss this persons ass like he said I should.  Now, this is the first time he spoke to me in three days, because that previous Saturday night, I asked if we could watch a show I recorded, and he flipped out on me.  The day after I lost my job, he came home in not such a great mood, (we had talked and things were fine later that night that I lost my job), so I asked him what was wrong.  He said he was thinking a lot.  That led to me being lectured on what I need to do job wise.  Like I don't know?  Things settled, and we watched tv for a bit.  I got cold, so I raised the heat one degree.  We went outside for a smoke, and when we came back in, he starts questioning me about the heat.  He ends up getting all upset, raises his voice to me, and goes in the bedroom and slams the door.  By the next day, things were fine again, but I was still a bit upset.  Saturday morning, we had breakfast, things were fine.  He wanted to go to the grocery store, and I said I wanted to shower first... . it helps my pain.  He wanted to get the shopping done first.  I said fine, we'll go there first then.  He said he didn't want me going because I was crabby.  I told him I wasn't, and he kept insisting I was.  I told him I didn't want to stay in the house all day.  He said it's not always about me.  This ended up in yelling back and forth.  He storms off into the bedroom and slams the door.  I was so mad, I took my shower and ended up going for a drive for a couple hours.  When I got back home, he tells me I need to pack up my pictures and stuff, because he's gonna put the house on the market.  His impulsiveness is ridiculous.  This led to more yelling, and him trying to have control over everything.  God forbid I raise my voice, slam something (even if it's mine), he threatens that he'll kick me out that minute.  It seems as though his story every time it comes down to this, is that he's not happy, but he never says he's unhappy when things are going fine.  Just a week ago at our neighbors house, he comments how he doesn't want to be single and how he's happy where he is.  Now this?  I am so depressed, I can barely eat anything, and if I do, I get sick.  I can hardly sleep, although I am exhausted.  I feel as though everything has crashed in around me all at once.  First, dealing with the condo issue, then losing my job, and now losing the love of my life.  I know I've painted a grim picture of him, but the other side of him is a man that I fell madly in love with, was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, who treated me (aside from the occasional bs), like a queen.  I just don't understand how a person can have such major personality changes in the blink of an eye.  He has never been diagnosed, and God knows he doesn't want to hear that it's at all him, but the research I've done points at him being BP.  I just don't know what to do.  I feel so lost, alone, and depressed like I've never felt before.  He texts me earlier and tells me to start packing. The only place I have to go is my mother's, where my daughter and her boyfriend are currently staying.  My mother is OCD and we do not get along when living under the same roof.  I am sickened by this whole thing. 

Oh man, where to begin... .

1. Secrets... . lots of them, I always felt she was keeping information from me... turns out I was right.

2. Financially using and abusing me for 5 years

3. Breaking up with me every spring, then wanting to get back together (I found out later, after her hunt for a new supply proved unsuccessful)

4. Lying about me behind my back to her friends... . of course making herself out to be the victim

5. Hooking up with what I thought was a friend of mine and neighbour and keeping it secret until she knew she had her hooks in

6. After we had split up, she continued to live in my house for two months, while she was ___ing the neighbour, denying that they were together... . AND STILL LIVING IN MY HOUSE WHILE SHE WAS SECRETLY ENGAGED TO THE NEIGHBOUR THREE WEEKS AFTER WE SPLIT AND THEY HOOKED UP!

7. Manipulation and guilt to get what she needed, and if she didn't get it, there was hell to pay via silent treatments

8. Calling the cops on me when I finally caught her lying about the neighbour and where she had been that weekend. She could not face the truth of what she had done and who she had become (betraying, lying, b*tch)

9. Trashed my house while moving out (sneaking out during the week while I was at work)

10. Lied about me to everyone including the loser neighbour... . of course I was abusive... . typical BPD crap.

11. Showed up at my house around Christmas time with her new "fiancé" to return Christmas ornaments that she could have sent me. Again just proves what low lives both of them are.

Bottom line, being in a relationship with her was the worst thing I have ever had to endure thus far in my life. She sucked me emotionally and financially dry. I am so glad that crazy b*tch abuser is out of my life. My gut told from the very beginning that she was "off" somehow. I should have listened to it then. I could have spared myself the heart ache. You know, she once told me that she felt like she was "damaged goods". Boy did she ever call that one.

1.  Getting thrown out of two towns (home state + another state) and having to get new jobs because of her craziness.

2.  Telling me I'm not allowed to study for a professional recertification exam, which I subsequently flunked, and have my job is hanging  in the balance until I pass it.

3.  Blaming me for abandoning her one gazillion times and I am the source of all of her problems and woes and failed operations

4.  Having her nearly hit me with the frying pan and smashing the glass cooktop.

5.  Chasing me at 3 am all over the house because she has more to discuss.  Tried to hide in my daughter's bed ( she was 6), but she stormed in, turned on the lights, and pulled all the covers off the bed.

6.  Multiple episodes of public verbal, humiliating abuse.

7.  Getting sanctioned at this job for missing almost 4 weeks total of time out of the office to take care of her in the first 5 months of 2013.

8. Throwing all my clothes out of the closet down the steps to the foyer.

9.  Blocking me leaving the driveway and trying to get into the car multiple times in the last two years.

10.  intrusive texting and phone calls in excess of 30 times a day.

Damn bro, who did u date?  Satan?

there is some very extreme 'acting out' and ist scary that there is so much lack of control and circumspection by some BPD's. However we are all on a spectrum of mental health or dis - health and often moving on it depending on events circumstance etc.

thinking back the most hurtful was drawing me in colluding with my projection and then getting in to rage when i ended it then the suicide attempt by her then the hatred, the whole event was in fact operating at a sub conscious level so for me it just felt like love. I still dont know how much conscious manipulation was coming from her and I never will, and that hurts, how real was it? as real as it could be given the limitations I suppose