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Title: Is the Detaching Board CoDependant? Time to Look at Myself (again) Post by: nolisan on January 09, 2014, 10:52:07 AM I was recently retriggered by glimpsing the ex driving through town. Thank god she maintained NC.
But it took me back. I posted several times on this board and got some good feedback. I was back into vistim mode: how could she have done all those terrible things to me. I made a list of them. And then I played pyschologist. Listed her disorders: B, N, AS PD's, ADHD/ADD etc etc. Yep ... . I was back to taking her inventory. I was reading others posts of the horrible beahviors and hurts. But what did that accomplish? Well ... . I knew I wasn't alone! But was I healing? No! I was rolling around in the mud - codependant mud. It reminded me of a bad AlAnon meeting where all the focus was on the Alcoholic. Early in my recovery I read that a certain amount of this is normal and healthy but staying in it isn't. It is easy to complain about them - it even feels good (like a drug). "Let go or get dragged"! So ... . the mud rolling stops today. Going back to taking MY inventory. What got me into this r/s and what kept me there? Time to focus on ME - get back into CoDA and ACoA. I love all you on the Detaching board but I need to move on back to working on my own stuff. That is where my healing and growth are. In fact I can be grateful to the BPD r/s for taking me to this newstage in my evolution. Thank you dear ex ... . I hope you get well but today I am inversting in myself. I am worth it. Any thoughts on this? Noli Title: Re: Is the Detaching Board CoDependant? Time to Look at Myself (again) Post by: heartandwhole on January 09, 2014, 11:07:56 AM Any thoughts on this? You bet :) Great realizations, nolisan. Intitially, it is so important to know that we aren't alone, that we weren't going crazy – so we share our experiences and focus on what happened. Ultimately, the healing process ends up where everything ends up– with us. Through heartbreak, we grow and change. I think this is a great sign of your growth, nolisan! What stage of detachment (links on the right) do you think you're in? ––––> heart Title: Re: Is the Detaching Board CoDependant? Time to Look at Myself (again) Post by: Ironmanrises on January 09, 2014, 11:26:43 AM The detaching board isnt codependent. And it certainly isnt rolling around in the mud. I can understand your perspective on that if the person is not healing at all, but to clump it as the above described words is a bit offensive.
Title: Re: Is the Detaching Board CoDependant? Time to Look at Myself (again) Post by: nolisan on January 09, 2014, 11:58:36 AM No offense meant IM just my POV today.
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