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Title: Is this ok Post by: qwaszx on January 09, 2014, 04:54:53 PM I have a friend with BPD, we lived together for almost 2 years... than parted ways back about 2 years ago but I always hear from her unless something's really wrong in her life.
So she completed DBT(well almost the last group was today and I'm sure she bailed because she jumped back to rock bottom(this is normal for her) When she's gone I panic because I know something's really wrong, and my fears have always been justified. (Today she feels like she's just about back to the hospital) Today she came back after not hearing from her for 4 days... . and although she's at rock bottom I'm just relieved to have heard from her... does it make me a bad person to not be as obsessed as I used to be with all the drama... . or does that mean I'm getting healthier? I still feel really bad for her but I know that their is nothing that I can do to help her inner turmoil... . Title: Re: Is this ok Post by: fromheeltoheal on January 09, 2014, 07:27:29 PM Whether or not you think you're a bad person is entirely up to you. Don't know how deep you got with this 'friend', but borderlines are expert at offloading their emotions on other people and blaming them for everything, because they are just too strong to deal with themselves; you might have experienced that. And then, if we're a kindhearted caretaker type, we're prime for the conditioning that follows, that you are responsible for your friend's life and even their emotions, which you gladly take on because you're trying to 'fix' it. That serves double duty for a borderline: they get to off their emotions on someone else and it works well to control you so you won't leave.
I fell for that crap for a while, but eventually sanity prevailed and I told her "shut the fck up, own your life, take some fcking responsibility, and stop treating me like sht." That was a healthy thing to say, but needless to say the relationship ended not long after. Take care of you! Title: Re: Is this ok Post by: seeking balance on January 09, 2014, 08:16:49 PM and although she's at rock bottom I'm just relieved to have heard from her... does it make me a bad person to not be as obsessed as I used to be with all the drama... . bad/good - no judgement from me and I don't see why you would want to judge you either. Obsessing is not healthy, this much I know. or does that mean I'm getting healthier? I still feel really bad for her but I know that their is nothing that I can do to help her inner turmoil... . Healthy people - people with emotional boundaries - can feel empathy, but not solve the problem for someone - do what you can, but ultimately, we are all responsible for ourselves - BPD included. |