BPDFamily.com

While I am tremendously appreciative of this "Leaving" board, I have learned SOO much about BPD relationships from reading the "Undecided," and especially the "Staying" boards.

If anybody wishes to grasp the full, tragic horror of some (some? many? most?) BPD marriages -- along with the soul-crushing anguish/despair it overwhelmingly seems to inflict upon the "Non" -- read either of those two boards.

For me, as I sometimes struggle with the rejection and the "what might have been... . ," I read those two boards (especially the "Staying" and try to viscerally understand the horror that marriage to a BPD (sometimes? often? overwhelmingly?) seems to create.

Additionally I've read that, paradoxically (sometimes? often? overwhelmingly?), marriage seems to WORSEN the BPDs fragile sense of self.

Again, BPD tragedy.

I've read Staying board posts and honestly don't know how those folks do it; if it was me I'd either bail or shoot myself in the head, of course that's easy to say from the outside looking in.  Although those threads make me feel terrible and all I want to do is type 'RUN!', inappropriate I realize, they do teach me a lot about the disorder.

When im feeling a little sad, or have thoughts of missing the illusion, I go over to the staying boards, Id like to say I dont know how they do it, but I do, I stayed 8 years on the BPD loopdy loop,I just think its a matter of time, there is only so much pain a person can take, and I believe that is all an upwBPD can offer,the only difference between the staying board and the leaving board is time.

i don't read there much, WMO, i'll take you up on the suggestion.

and btw, yes, my w's behavior worsened in the marriage.

When I was undecided I read all the boards to see what people dealt with. At first it was just to see if I was insane  :). When I found out that other people dealt with way more than I did, it felt good to know that I was not alone. Then my question changed, it wasn't anympore about my sanity, it was about hope. And I found none for possible change in my uBPD. He wasn't going to go to therapy. The more I read, the less hope I got. I knew very little of BPD but reading those threads open my eyes   I kept thinking to myself "can I live like this" and the answer was always no. I read a post or two every once in a while now just to reinforce my decision... . But for those who have chosen to stay on and fight for what they believe is best, I wish them all the strength, security and happiness in the world. They will need it.