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Hi, I have gone 7 days NC this week and it has been hard.  I broke up with her last friday basically told her I couldn't take it any more.  She texed me a couple of times but i have her blocked and i deleted my fb page.  Been tired and irritable and from what I hear on this.  board that is normal part of grieving.   Saw my T today and feel so much better, reading the posts here I realized that the woman I fell in love with doesn't exist.   It was a snare to get me hooked.  I've been telling myself that all day and it helps when I get nostalgic for the idealization phase.  So I am going to take one day at a time and the pain will end eventually.   My ex used to talk about how the bottom would drop from underneath her.  Now I know what she was talking about,  a little I think.

hey irish -

learned this the other day. Ruminations, depression, past crap... live in the left side of the brain. When we are depressed our "left side" takes over. So, in order to get into the present you do right brain activities. This includes things that use your five senses, like cooking, appreciating the nuances of a piece of art.

Yoga too. Exercises where you focus on feeling the air on your skin, hearing the world around you, are all right brained.

Give it a try, maybe it will help you get outta your left brain.

Hugs,

Lyn

Hang in there Irish. I'm on day 7 too and had a bit of a setback today. Just feeling depressed and irritable. I think lyn has some great advice so I'm going to do some right brain activities myself. Like head to the gym right now!  And I'm telling myself as the thoughts pop in, "not now."

Thanks love4menotu and seeking,  been meditating this week, and it helps.  I walk at least 4 miles a day, however I do have depression and anxiety disorder so Its a little harder for me with the rumination and stuff.  I was told to keep things positive and to remove negative thoughts.   Its a hard thing to do but I will try tomorrow to say to myself, "you are going to be so much happier without her".  I'll see how that goes.

Hang in there and I am proud of you for having the courage to do the break up and stick with it... I am not at that point even though I need to be! Try to stay busy and post here-we are all here for you!

You are ahead of the game in having these routines  - both definitely make a difference.



Depression is normal after any breakup, these are especially tough to shake the ruminations.  You know the phrase, "fake it til you make it" - this is true during this time - it does take time to balance out.

Maybe, give yourself permission to feel sad or negative, but continue to DO the things you know will help (even if it doesn't seem to be helping now).  I have said before, it is this time you are in right now that we get a glimpse of what pwBPD live in all the time... . choose healthy actions over negative emotions right now.

Hang in there,

SB

 Congrats Irish! ! |iiii

A week n/c is huge bro... . You're past the hardest hurdle. ( atleast it was for me)  get yourself out and do things you may not want to go anyway. The joy of life will come back! I promise. Im in week 7 n/c , best freaking decision ive ever made. The constant over thinking , and what ifs , and talking to yourself will slow down , and then stop.

I wanted so bad to know what went on in a BPDers mind. I went on a forum for ppl who have BPD and it was an eye opener. Seeing how there thoughts process and what they actuall think and feel. (It honestly scared me)Made feel major relieve that I could have done nothing for or r/s to work. And helped me understand goining n/c was the ONLY option. They are effffin insane to thier core. And always will be. And we are lucky to get out with or lifes... . SERIOUSLY.

         

                                                                Keep up the hard work irish... . your doing awesome

It is difficult. Mine has stopped trying to contact me, which makes me wonder what she is up to. But the peace is oh so good... .

Hi Irishmarmot

Just a suggestion re your affirmation;


I've done courses involving affirmations, one was an NLP course and one was a weekend based on the ideas of Louise Hay [this was immensely helpful].

Anyway... . may I pass on something I learnt?

Make your affirmation;

Personal - so 'You' becomes 'I'

Current tense not future tense - so 'going to be' becomes 'am now'

and that you make it entirely positive [dropping the 'without her' bit] ?

So... .

"you are going to be so much happier without her"   

   

  becomes something like... .

"I am happy whole and complete right now"

I'm sorry if I'm sticking my nose in - but if your into affirmations [and it seems like you are]

then best to construct the highest octane ones !  :)

There's tons online about affirmation constructions.

All the best to you

Oh and having said all that... .

I'd like to echo what SeekingBalance said above.

If your only 7 days out then you gotta allow the grieving process to occur too.

It can be horrible - but its as natural as rain!

 

Hey Irish,

I'm 7 days into NC as well and I'm hurting a lot too. Last night was terrible - she usually stayed with me on weekends and Friday nights were the start of our time together. I missed her terribly and all of the stuff I loved about her came to mind last night as I sat alone in my empty apartment and ruminated. Yes, it gets easier, but that's tough consolation when the pain is still so fresh.

Doing better today - trying to keep busy with personal projects and stay in touch with friends.

Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope you're feeling better too. Hang in there, my friend. It only gets easier, right?

Kai