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Is this part of the cycle? We got close. I told him I had fallen for him. He starts retreating for weeks at a time and now, contests that he's not ready to try and move on from his abusive ex that he ended things with 6 months ago and then changed his tune with "I know you think I'm a huge ass, but I just don't want to put you in a situation you don't deserve to be in." Now, he barely says a few words to me and has begun to outright ignore me if I try to act like a friend. I confronted him on the last time and ignored him back. He caved after four days, but I stayed strong proving my point. After I ignored him a week and replied, he ignored me a week and three days back. I responded and he was about to ignore me again, but I hit him with "either you answer me like a decent man, or keep playing these childish games and lose my number". That made him answer quick, though he had a lousy excuse and acted like he genuinely was hoping I was doing good and had just text me to see how I was doing. I actually asked if he was done disappearing on me for now, he said "Yes ma'am". That was the extent of our conversation. This is a guy that used to talk to me every day.

I know that he's looking for another woman, but hasn't found any that he finds "worth it" to ask out. I'm guessing this is the idealization/devaluation phase I keep reading about.

Am I stuck here forever? Will I always be a backup? Why is he shutting me off... . is it because I really do care?

All this is so confusing.

Only if you allow yourself to be, he is not making you do anything, and you have little vested interest in this RS to this stage.

Do not wait around for a pwBPD to take the lead, or you may as well stick your head in a spin dryer.