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Just checked her FB and nothing has changed since the last stalk a week ago.  No pics of her and her new guy... . but she posted 4 songs on her music (something she has NEVER done before).  Besides being really bad music, I looked up the songs on you tube and here are the lyrics.

I don't know if she is reaching out to me or she is having problems with my replacement, or if I am just hoping for something I don't even know.  I hate that I did this, but would like some insight.  Maybe it's a dig to me, that I let her go, or I lost her for good.

1st song:

Demons

When the days are cold

And the cards all fold

And the saints we see

Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail

And the ones we hail

Are the worst of all

And the blood's run stale

I wanna hide the truth

I wanna shelter you

But with the beast inside

There's nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed

We still are made of greed

This is my kingdom come!

This is my kingdom come!

When you feel my heat

Look into my eyes

It's where my demons hide

It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close

It's dark inside

It's where my demons hide

It's where my demons hide

When the curtains call

It's the last of all

When the lights fade out

All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave

And the masquerade

Will come calling out

At the mess you've made

Don't wanna let you down

But I am hell bound

Though this is all for you

Don't want to hide the truth

No matter what we breed

We still are made of greed

This is my kingdom come!

This is my kingdom come!

When you feel my heat

Look into my eyes

It's where my demons hide

It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close

It's dark inside

It's where my demons hide

It's where my demons hide

They say it's what you make

I say it's up to fate

It's woven in my soul

I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright

I want to save that light

I can't escape this now

Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat

Look into my eyes

It's where my demons hide

It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close

It's dark inside

It's where my demons hide

It's where my demons hide

Read more: Imagine Dragons - Demons Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Second song is Let her go (probably just as bad as the 1st)

Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass

Hoping one day you'll make a dream last

But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes

Maybe one day you'll understand why

Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark

Same old empty feeling in your heart

'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep

But never to touch and never to keep

'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

Oh oh oh no

And you let her go

Oh oh oh no

Well you let her go

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

O so its not just me... .

I deactivated my fb account but I still peak...

The ex has posted a song we both loved( rare)

" liked" a website for stepdads estranged from exes stepkids

Posted another song that we always said was ours

... .

O then went on to " like" fu**" my ex

" weed and sex"

And another one that I wont mention, it asks people to give them names of their exes, then " they" compile photos of said ex, with captions like" Im a S***, Im a who**" bla bla misoginistic bla... .

I peek now, because it dosent hurt as much... .

A couple of weeks ago I would have been grinding my teeth... .

Now, uh not so much... .

I see it for what it is...

A burbiling stream of contradictions from a disordered mind.

Well, it's one of two things, RNM.

1.) the millionaire broke up with her or had a "talk" last week, and she posted those for him.  This would make sense bc she showed erratic behavior with my mother Saturday at my son's basketball game.  Whatever, she's at his house tonight, I hired a PI bc she pawns my son off to her family members every night while she goes to joe millionaire. The PI is for court so I can prove this behavior. And it's legal.

2.) It was a dig to me, telling me to move on and I lost her.  Well, tell me something I didn't know.   Maybe it was for the both of us... . No way normal people move that fast after 14 years and a son together. It's almost time to get up and here I am trying to figure out a crazy woman... .

Arn, that song on demons, my ex sent me that also, isn't that strange?

A.go to bloody sleep:)

B stop trying to figure out the actions of a crazy woman

C.read A.

  Morning guys.

  I cant peek at FB. It would set me back in my healing 100, i still care to much. and I would be looking at her FB most of the day.  Dont get me wrong I want to so dam bad. also once you unblock them you can block again  for 48 hours , and thats two days of her having a chance to hit me up and tug at my heart strings or rage on me. (Probably both)  No thanks. My xBPDgf had horrible taste in music as well. (Except when she was mirroring me)  Lol

It is stange, but I don't even know if she sent it to me.  It was on her music tab on FB

it doesn't matter she is still with him... . I just don't know what I was thinking checking it out... . She is in that love bombing stage so to think it was meant for me or she has any thoughts of me is absurd.

Yesterday, before looking, I wouldn't have cared.  I just took two olympic sized broad jumps backwards

Arn you can't look at her facebook anymore.

It just hurts you. I know, I've done something similar a few months ago and I broke my own heart.

Don't be me.

My friends, family and coworkers know not to mention me to my x, or my x to me. I've asked them all to steer clear of the subject, forever. It's just not in my best interests to know anything about his private life, as mine is none of his.

Lyn

Hey guys, I'm new here.  My story is in the "welcome aboard/intro" section of the forum.  

Arn, I've read a number of your posts and man, I really feel for you.  

Questions if I may:  

1. How are you able to look at her facebook to see other than what she posts that is "public"?  Are you still friends on facebook?

2. If you are still friends on fb, why?

3. Why are you sneaking peeks?  Ok, I know why and I'd be lying to say if I haven't done the same but I'm starting to slap my own hand every time I have that urge.

4. Unsolicited advice: going NC with my BPDgf was the best thing that she could of done to me.  I was a bawling, crying, whiny mess since last November until just a few days ago when I found this forum and read up on BPD.  I now realize that there is *nothing* that I can do to help the woman.  She has to figure out something is not quite right and seek that help (she actually has, she just can't afford regular help now).  Also, I realize that there is *nothing* that I could of done to save the relationship.  Getting in shape, reading and sending her emails with quotes from "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" with me saying "look baby, this is where I could of been better, I know this now!".  NONE of that crap would or did make a difference.  I was her "fix" for almost four years and then it finally went to the "Hater" phase with her moving on to my replacement yet sending me breadcrumbs as she went.

Dude:

1. Get healthy.  

2. Work out or if you are already, bump up the intensity

3. Concentrate on work/hobbies/family

4. Block her and everything about her.  I understand that you have children together if I'm not mistaken.  Make sure that *any* contact with or from her is *only* about kids or affairs related to the divorce.

5. Move on and find a happy, loving relationship.  Start to meet new people but set boundaries for yourself.  You are still healing so now isn't the time for a full blown relationship, but you can start to build those ties of friendship that could then one day lead you to something happy and fulfilling.

Keep fighting and moving forward!

(I feel like I just wrote a script for the next Rocky movie... .  :)Make sure that *any* contact with or from her is *only* about kids or affairs related to the divorce.

5. Move on and find a happy, loving relationship.

Love,

I know.  The darn song about knowing I love her when I let her go, I mean I think it's probably about my replacement.  I just can't even imagine someone posting that to their ex while in a relationship with someone else. Anyway the singer's voice reminds me of a leprechaun singing somewhere in the woods... .

Awful music... . I forgot how much she sucked

I understand what I should/should not bbe doing.  I appreciate all those posts telling me what I need to be doing, I really do.  I messed up tonight... . looked. saw something she has never done before, other songs about how she's moving on and stuff.

PI updated me she was at his house last night... . so I just wanted to know whatever... .

Well, now you know Arn.

And it just hurts your more.

I am so sorry for you pain, please keep the faith that it does get better.

saying a little prayer for you today... .

Lyn

Arn,

Stop waiting for her world to crash down so you can come and save the day.  It did not work before and it wont work now. Work on the fact that you want to save her even tho she betrayed you.  Why?  I understand that you have a child together and you feel it is your responsibility to fix it for him, but it is not.  You have the right to a happy life, and I am positive that your son wants it that way too.  

Crazy + Normal = Crazy ALWAYS.  If you want a healthier environment for your son, stay out of the crazy one, and make one for the both of you.

Doesnt matter if the song is for you or not.  Some guy is in danger of getting played... . stay out of it!

 Laelle

Unfriend, block.  Block her phone number to your phone, delete her from your contacts.  Take any pictures of you and her off your phone... . any you have... . put them in a drawer or burn them along with any gifts you got from her.  Any nasty letters or texts?  Put them away later for reflection on just how bad it really was.  That's the only benefit in keeping those things... . I still have my drawer.  Even has the knives in there that she was gonna carve me up with.  Any time I thought about those good times, that extinguishes any desire to be with her.  May not work for you, but it does for me... .

But you absolutely have to detach... . If you don't buddy, she's gonna just drag you down. 

Delete her... . block her... . get on with life.  I know it is hard, but the satisfaction you will feel!

The song by Passenger, 'Let Her Go' was practically an anthem with my ex. She talked about it a lot after our first breakup (and recycle). Tugs at my heart, to be honest.

I'll echo what many others have said: at this point in your process, Facebook is NOT good for you. I'm blessed: my ex deleted her FB account after we split so I can't check up on her. But I found that even being on Facebook myself, reading the newsfeed, was a trigger. So I'm abstaining from FB (my profile is still there, but I don't read the newsfeed anymore). It helps a lot, actually (and these boards are my new 'internet time-suck'  ).

Every time I wonder what she's doing or who she's with, I ask myself ":)ude, do you *really* want to know that?" and the truth is, I don't! I'm developing some compassion for myself, don't want to see myself hurting like that.

So, I understand the desire to check up on her, but seriously, you're waaaay better off if you don't.

Arn,

 Try not to check.  Whatever you have to do... . don't.

Very easy to read into things.

When I was dating my ex I could tell her mood from profile pictures.  I am blocked but I have access to an another account.

When she had dumped me the picture was always something angry like a wolf gnawing on a carcass. I mean, it was angry animals. After she dumped me there was all this happy shyt... . bunnies and her Christmas tree with a caption she was so blessed and this was the "best Christmas ever"!

BPD's have a false sense of self.  You need to remember that. All that rhetoric is garbage.

The day after I caught her with my replacement her picture was a hot tub with mountains in the background all happy. Now she has shamrocks which is ironic as we have matching shamrock tattoos but her profile pic since Christmas has been an angry bull with blood on it's horns.

Now you can read into things however you may but it will kill you inside, Arn.

Don't get into the head of a crazy person. That was our first mistake! :)

Arn,

It's not productive for you to look at her FB. Focus on taking care of you and your son. Don't focus on her, the sooner you get out of the FOG the better, but your not making things better by creeping on her on the internet.

Arn... You're right on track. It's normal to do a little stalking. I did it myself for a little while. It's like a dog fu€king a skunk. When he gets tired of the stink he quits doing it. Everything happens in its own time and we all gotta do what we gotta do to get better.

 You are one funny guy. Arn, I know the stalking desire is high. It is natural. Try and ween yourself off of that. You will see things that you do not need to see. Those things will remain mired in your memory. A caution my friend. I saw many, many things as I was devalued in round 2 on her social media. I have only described a few on here; they are that painful to remember and write down. God awful things.

I hate that I did it. All that TERRIBLE music she posted was probably to my replacement. It's over. My 8 hour trip on mushrooms in the mind of a BPD... . lesson learned. Bad trip. That's what I'm chalking it up to.

Thanks,

Arn

Don't beat yourself up arn. That's her job.

Facebook is so unreal and such a tool to manipulate. I too have had moments of weakness and now I check every 2-3 months. Yes, I am looking for validation that everything that is being said on the boards is true... . And yes Facebook is validating it but only because I notice the subtleties and the cracks in the fairy tale that is being broadcast.  We should start some kind of thread on how to identify pd behaviour and lies on Facebook. Let's face it, we're human, we want to know how their lives are unfolding in order to really understand that no, it wasn't us, and there was nothing we could have done.  I read recently that  high Facebook activity in the early stages of a relationship can cause serious rifts in a couple and  is an indicator that they will break up. Apparently 1 in 3 breakups is now caused by Facebook activity. Go figure.

Those subtleties and cracks are only going to get noticed by us, the secluded group of survivors in the aftermath of a relationship with a pwBPD. I remember trying to show these very things to my close friends in round 2 as my exUBPDgf began to devalue me on FB and IG, and although I could tell my close friends were trying to understand what I was showing them, their responses of "You need to leave her, etc" reflected a real disconnect that they really weren't seeing what I was showing them and understanding it in its full context. Those breakups on FB are further caused by the orbiter's the pwBPD usually has constantly near the borders of the relationship.

I can attest to the orbiters on FB. My exgf has 300+ friends, a majority of them are guys. When I did watch her FB page, these guys were following her around like a dog in heat... . just waiting their turn.

Me, I refuse to be part of that loser group.

I guess the thing is that if they fail we will feel validated, just like if we fail they feel validated.  That's why we keep going back to Facebook to see if they're failing, but few people will broadcast their failures there, so we never actually get satisfaction from Facebook. Instead each person hides their failures to make sure the other 'doesn't get validation :)  so that just makes Facebook a vicious circle of  illusions.  :)

Yeah the orbiters. PwBPD need them. I also didn't want to be part of a group like that. Pretty pathetic way to live.

I'm so glad I don't have facebook.

She never did during our relationship. I have no idea if she does or not now. Either way, I don't want to know.

I've found FB to be so fake. My exgf uses it to make herself out be something she isn't. She posts everything, needs to be acknowledged... . "look at me, look at me"

It's natural to want to make sense of this. My ex would write 'I'm Free!' and post spiritual self-help stuff that she was doing the opposite of. Another mask. Well, guess which one of us is still stuck in the loops of the past, and who is moving on to something better? Those are her songs, arn. What are yours?

How did you feel about it when you were dating her? Did you ever call her out on her Facebook usage ( ie pretending to be someone else). I've found that if someone uses me in pictures to construct some kind of happy go lucky image of themselves with tons of friends that it feels really invasive.

Of course there's always the possibility that she posted the song lyrics because she likes the music? Nah!

Mine did the same in round 2. She was posting "personal development in progress" while destroying me. All her enablers(friends/family/sycophants) were applauding her. She lapped up the attention like a dog dying of thirst. Such revolting behavior. She would have ZERO friends had they really known what was happening.

I never went so far as to pretend to be someone else and call her out on it. I did mention to her that she was on there an awful lot, that it’s her life. Of course she just denied that. Her big hang-up with me is that I never acknowledged her on FB, either by “liking” something or commenting on it. This would lead to huge arguments. She did use me in pictures though. We have broken up three times (3rd being this one, which will be the last one), and each time, here come the pictures of the new guy. Which of course she denied they were dating, they were just friends…... yada, yada, yada, I’m not stupid to believe that.

Facebook is a relationship nightmare if you're dating a pd because it's takes a certain amount of maturity to refrain from playing those silly little mind games, which pwBPD don't have.  I think my ex and the replacement are both playing those games with eachother! Better to use our energy on more productive things :)

I guess in my prior post I should have included this information... .

Back in 96 I dated this same chick that wrecked my life (should have learned).  She was really shallow back then especially and chose this peckerhead... . let's call him Franz... . over me because she thought he was hot.  The most devoid of personality shmuck I had ever met.  Most everyone I knew agreed.  Well, she broke my heart back then too, but she wasn't this whack job freak that we know today.  Fastforward to 2012... . after the breakup over the 15 year old girl ogling accusation... . she has blocked me and deleted me... . So have I.  One of my friends tells me that she has gone 300 miles away to be with this m0ther___er.  I'm like "who cares" right?  Inside it's burning me like acid!  I am going through the news feed... . not even stalking his profile... . and I see something that @sshole has posted on FB about M on a friend's page.  And his profile picture?  It's the two of them on the beach.  WOW... . I freaking LOST it... . I stared at it for just about 10 seconds and blew up.  I kicked my desk and smashed my $30 keyboard... . (yes childish).  Cut my fingers on the jagged plastic... . I was so freaking hurt.  This was like 3 weeks after we break up.  Over her stupid @ss insecurity and delusions no less... . and she's all good now?  And she's with this guy!  Not only this guy but Franz!  Knowing her like I do... . undoubtably being physical with him... . Holy crap... . how low can you go?  :)id you think this out to do the maximum damage to my spirit?  Others told me that she had changed her profile picture to this too.  Said later that he did it when her account was opened up.  Sorry I don't buy it.  She did it to deliberately hurt me.  There is no limit to her cruelty.  That's something I finally figured out.  I am never surprised by that.  

Point being is this man... . she's a borderline... . she's gonna do mean, hateful, and nasty things.  And you're just gonna get pissed off and get your emotions in a tizz.  Not worth the damage to your psyche.  Why not just take a break from FB altoghether?  Turn the account off till things get better.  I'd sure delete her though for sure before doing that.  Breaking away will be a rush of relief for you man... . Trust me.  

Shellshocked,

I have in the past just deactivated my account for a break. Man, once she found that out... . it was hell. Why get all in a rage because I deactivated MY account. She says "you can't do that"... . really, its my account. She has numerous friends on FB, and probably doesn't even actually "know" half of them. It's a status thing for her I guess. I believe she gets all bent out of shape when I did that, because now I can't see what she is posting and she can't hurt me... .

Because she can't stalk you on social media if you deactivated your account. Mine stalked  meafter she left me the first time. Watched everything I did and didn't do on my social media in the interim time period between rounds 1 and 2. Took screen shots of what I was writing in public pages. Then used those very screen shots as part of her re-engagement of me in round 2 and said, "You hurt me by posting these things about me". Right. Nevermind what she put me through. It is all about control.

Totally agree on the control... .

I don't even have a FB account. I log onto my cousin's account.  I told him once to change the password and never give it back to me, I guess he forgot... . time to remind him though

Time to remind yourself it sets you back when you look at her stuff, but moves you forward when you look at your own. It's not up to your cousin to set your boundaries.

If the goal is detachment, meaning you detach emotionally to the point that whatever she does or says has little to no effect on your emotional well being, then you'd probably agree you're not there yet.

So spend some time beating yourself up, say 15 minutes, and then get back to positive detachment.  What were you thinking/doing before you looked at her page?  What do you need to do differently next time?  What was good about that Facebook experience?  How can what you went through in the last day help you detach?  What about what you saw confirmed her pathology and the fact you don't want to be with her or 'save' her?

 

We were on our way to Thanksgiving at her mom's house (same weekend of the incredible boobs incident)  lol  ... . no really funny   ... . and she had been accusing me all day about deleting something from my facebook wall.  I hadn't a clue as to what she was talking about.  She had this crappy little phone that wasn't even a smart phone.  I told her whatever was there was still there unless the poster had deleted it.  She raked me over to coals about for about an hour.  I wanted to get off the next exit and put her out of the car.  I told her that it was probably that her phone didn't display the data the same way as it did on her computer at work.  She would have none of this... . Course as soon as we got there I pulled it up on her mom's computer and showed her.  She actually apologized and felt foolish.  Bear in mind this was the very last day before things really went to sh!t and started spiraling out of control which is why she even bothered apologizing.  

Another time I posted a ;-) at a friend in response to something I posted... . as in jest of what I was saying.  She said that was because I was flirting with her and wanted to have sex with her.  What?  WHAT?  WHATTT?  Okay... . I winked at my friend De#### too (guy).  Guess I wanted to have sex with him too.     

She read into everything too…crazy stuff.  One of the guys at work quoted something from Anchorman that I thought was funny….Something like “works 60% of all of the time”…or something like that.  Hate that movie... didn't know it was from it... . ll, I posted it as my status…she comes back asking me about the quote…I was just like…um someone said it at work?  Apparently it must have had some sinister meaning…I quoted some nonsense ZZ TOP lyrics once on there deliberately…. because I KNEW they were such nonsense that even she couldn’t read into them and maybe tha would be a "safe" post... . …Boy never underestimate a BPD.  She found something in it!  Never would tell me what…I just quit using it because of the way she kept punishing me for it.  

“throttle in a bottle baby I don’t care…my canned icon gimmie plenty o air”…Crucifixx A Flatt…ZZ TOP...

What could someone come up with from that?  I just thought it was a cool song... .

Mine did the same too. She would monitor my facebook/IG activity during round 1 heavily. I remember telling her(and this was before she had even come into my life that I had this female friend that I once had a "crush" on, but that friend didn't like me in that way) and we would always like and comment on each other's stuff(totally platonic). My exUBPDgf(Medusa) would go BATSH*T every time she saw that friend of mine commenting/liking my stuff. Literally BATSH*T. I remember telling her, "I ONCE had a crush had on her, meaning PAST TENSE and she(that friend) DOES NOT like me or view me in that way," Her response, "It doesn't matter that she doesn't like you like that, the fact that YOU once did BOTHERS me." I remember thinking "What the heck?" For real? How can I defend myself against a logic like that? I couldn't. I had no knowledge yet at that time of BPD.

Oh... . I forgot about attempting to break into my email accounts wehn we broke up... . Making fake accounts to spy on me... . sending me hatemail with made up email addresses.  It goes on and on.  She hasn't bothered me though since she went to jail for forking up my car.  My xgf is a textbook case.  Of the nine signs, I say she has 7.  Her sister said she had all 9... . although she's in denial about it now and won'teven discuss it.  Not my problem anymore anyway.  She brought it up the other night... . I just said that she's "very sick" and there was nothing I could have done for her, and that only she can do anything (meaning M)... .