BPDFamily.com

Last night I felt that I am coming down with something. In middle of the night my child woke up. It happens once in a while an every time I go to her. This time I asked my wife. She started complaining how if she will get up now it will ruin her day so she can't.

After a while I basically got up, took her out and laid on the couch.

When she got up, she starting ranting how I never help her when she doesn't feel good. I simply didn't reply (and didn't heave energy to argue that just the fact I am the one who wakes up with the children every single day... . and puts them to sleep, is showing how much I care for her to be rested and feel good).

Later, she is starting to discuss with me different things that annoyed her with some friends. I said I can't talk about anything.

Is this - being so self centered and showing zero care and empathy - also a BPD trait? Or it's an added bonus?

When I spoke to the therapist I started going to,  and I relayed to him how she is always negative, nothing is never good, etc., he said that he thinks it's not BPD alone.

I can say from personal experience that me and my wife are also going through the same things.  My wife works from midnight to 8 in morning.  So she sleeps during the day.  She is also a recovering alcoholic, so she goes to AA meetings at night.  So I am the one who gets up with our 7 year old son, gets him dressed and ready for school.  Picks him up from school.  Does his homework with him.  Feeds him.  Puts him to bed.  She is rarely there, and if she is, she is usually sleeping.  Well, me and my wife have been going through some stuff lately, and now we are seeing a marriage consoler.  Which is actually how she got diagnosed with BPD to begin with.  With all of this going on, I noticed my son's grades, mostly his conduct grades, began falling.  This all started happening around the same time me and my wife really began having bad problems.  So I credited it to that.  I know kids are effected by what's going on, even if they don't really understand it.  Well, my wife proceeded to blame it all on me.  Saying, I don't spend enough time with him.  That I just go through the motions with him.  To me, its a form of projection.  Deep down, maybe even subconsciously, she knows she hasn't been there for our son lately.  But instead of owning up to it and working on getting better, she is putting it all on me.  The one who does everything with him, and spends all the time with him, is the one that is "never there".  Its a way for her not to feel guilty about the situation.  And again, I don't know if she knows she is even doing this, or if it is more of a subconscious thing.  And I cant argue about it with her, its a lost cause, her mind is already made up and is not changing, no matter what evidence I have that says otherwise.  I don't really have a solution for you.  But I can say that you are not alone in that.  And I do think is a BPD trait.