BPDFamily.com

Hello to all, 

I am just beginning process of divorce with BPD and we have a 12 year old daughter.  Although my daughter and I have always been very close, about three weeks ago her behaviors and attitudes towards me changed drastically.   I have no doubt that she is being. Coached and dad is the bad guy.   She also started acting like she is angry with me and can't remember or explain why. 

Although my BPD partner initially agreed we should take her to counseling, she then shifted and said she must "screen" any counselors my daughter sees and then told my daughter mom didn't think daughter needed counseling and dad was making her go. 

I am gravely concerned she is being heavily coached.   

When I brought these concerns to lawyer, he pretty much blew it off! 

Asking for help, tips and guidance from anyone in how to handle this situation. 

Thanks! 

My heart goes out to you. Being outside of your situation I can only make suggestions. It is a form of control. Sadly as the adult parent you must try and behave as such. At no point should a child be manipulated so. How does your daughter appear at school to her teachers etc? Would they support the counselling? She is 12. How does she feel? Try and behave a  or ally and " grown up" as you can. It will be difficult as this is your daughter and you love her very much. Divorce is bad enough between two non's and you have the BPD in the mix.

Does she have regular contact with your family and friends who are close to you? Not to influence her but to ensure she has a normal existence and sees "normal" when she has contact with you. A difficult time for you both.

You're not going to like what I have to say, but here it goes.

You probably need to stop having anything to do with your daughter. At least for awhile.

I have a 18 month old daughter with my ex and I just had to stop taking calls from her. My ex is on a real power trip and controlling me through my daughter and it's just not doing me any good to keep getting sucked into that tornado. I don't know how long it's going to last. Maybe a few months. Maybe a few years. Maybe until she's 18. Maybe forever. Who knows? I couldn't go on with things the way they were though.

It really hurts me because I was extremely close to my daughter, but I'm not going to be any good for her at any point in time if I don't take care of myself right now. It's a big loss for me and for her, but I think it's for the greater good.

Hello Survived. That must make you feel horrible. It is sadly common, disordered parent(s) or not. Perhaps you can read this for some information?

The complex issue of alienated children (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=104479.0)

Also, it would help to post this directly to the Family Board, as there are members there going through this same thing. The senior members have been dealing with it for a while, and could probably offer some good advice and support.

Co-parenting after the Split (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=9.0)