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Came across my Blackberry's backup files... . had some texts on it from the night she accused me of checking out (basically salivating) over a 15 year old girl... .  

Can you guys relate to this?

Me:  You treat me like I'm a sh!t!  I'm NOT!  Hopefully you'll figure that out one day.

I bet someone might treat me like that eventually.  But I'm f#cked!  I can't. I'd rather be alone and be depressed. Better than this!

Her: I couldve been so happy with u. We couldve had everything. If only i was enough 4 u. The only thing missing. And a very big deal 2 me, esp with u, xxxxx

Me:If only YOU could get past BULLSH!T insecurities despite ALL my efforts!  It NOT fair to rake me over the coals cause u can't deal with it.  I'm tired of hearing about "validation" when it doesn't have ONE GD basis in fact. I'll go to my grave feeling ok. I did NOTHING wrong. Not today, not NOV. I'll NEVER EVER in 10,000 years tell you that what you "felt" or "saw" was valid. Cause it's NOT. I wouldn't argue it.  I'm not going to be miserable or feel like a pile of sh!t anymore over it. NOT ONE MORE xxxDAMN DAY!

Her:  (1/4) Dont then. I couldve gotten over insecurities. U kept validating those tho. I know what i saw. U do 2.U keep saying it was subconscience. I guess u 2 (2/4) need 2 have a conversation. Hope it was worth it. Guess so. Willing 2 corner me, yell n my face, spit on me, spill wine on me, push me, argue 2 the death (3/4) with me 2 the death about it. Hope it was worth it. There r women out there who will out up with it. 2 bad ull never have the love & passion u couldve (4/4) with me had u let it happen. But i guess ur willing 2 live with that.

ME:  Ok.  You pushed me to a level I've never been before. You've done it too. I did NOT spit in your face intentionally. Don't even.  Its why I left.

Questuon IS are YOU willing to let me walk away?  

Her:  Oh and leave me, lets not 4get that. Very anxious 2 leave, u were. And did. Seems like that was a goal.  U walked away remember? After u did all of that 2 me 2.

Me:  Anxious?  I TRIED to talk to your unsreasonable @ss for almost an HOUR!  The LAST thing I wanted to do was leave!  But I'm NOT gonna take your SH!T anymore!

Me:  xxxx you!  You pushed me. Yelled at me!  Came to my house with KNIVES!  Bragged about how YOU F*CKED 3 other people too. xxxdamn you!  How dare you!  

Her:  U cornered me. Were violent with me. Snarling. Kept threatening 2 leave. U wanted 2 leave.

Me:  Violent?  I don't think so.  I regret being pushy. That was TOO far.  It's why I left. Can't you see that?  Not going psycho like you did. Had to stop.  :)ID NOT want to leave!  Wanted to be with you. Make love!  You wanted to fight over SH!T!

Her:  (1/2) I brought the man i loved home 2 meet my family ... . who i never guessed wouldve... . that person has ruined my life. Went 2 a bad place. I`ll never go (2/2) there again. I will never get hurt like that again.

Me:  I put the ball in YOUR court!  For almost 30 minutes.  Good. Hope you find someone that lives up to your expectations and will put up with your out of control sh!t. xxxx you for the way you treated me.

Her:  U kept giving me ultimatums u knew i wouldnt go with. Kinda like me sayin "xxxxa, give me 100 pushups or ill punish u". U wanted 2 leave.

Me:  Go ahead and blame me some more. Go find you someone to make you feel "attractive". I hope you enjoy it.  


Fun times huh?  This sound like you and your x?  Healthy?  I don't think so... .

Sounds familiar... .

Yup. Weapons grade borderline

A few more from the same night:

Me:  You've cussed me.  Called me a "piece of sh!t", got in my face and yelled at me.  Pushed me. But ur completely innocent. I should lit it "slide".  It's all MY FAULT. You're not culpable for anything are you?  ALL your issues are MY FAULT!  Whatever. I'm not gonna put up with it any more.  You MINIMIZE how what YOU did!  Nothing wrong huh?  When were u planning on telling me? (referring to sleeping with another guy)

Her: (1/2) Bacardi 151 2 ease the pain when dropping off ur stuff. Then u blocked me. Ignored me. I snapped. Best thing would b 2 discuss. Give someone the closure (2/2) they need. Not justifying (note her blaming me for her behavior)

Me:  There u go again. Just let it slide with "I was drunk on 151".  Well as you say xxxDAMN IT.  Own it. Own it xxxdamnit!

Her:  We werent 2gether. Ive only had eyes 4 u when we were. Literally. Not just words. Anything else would b disrespectful & humiliating & wrong.

Me:  You suck for that. You will never ever be happy if you continue to treat people you love like that!  Anyone else would say I was CRAZY for staying with you!


Me:  Go ahead and blame me some more. Go find you someone to make you feel "attractive". I hope you enjoy it.  I DON'T GIVE a xxxDAMN F#CK about your reasons for doing it.  How dare you minimize that?  "We weren't together". What the F#CK ever!v. Do you even F#CKING care how that hurts me?  Obviously not!  Not to mention rubbing my face in it!

Her:  Not minimizing. Theres right & wrong tho. Black and white. (interesting choice of words... . )

Me:  All the goddamn "damage" was on my end huh?  You acted like a tramp!  And that's supposed to sit ok with me?

Her: I told u 2 hurt u back 4 all the hurt uve caused me, mainly thanksgiving (the insane boob incident she is referring to). The way it made u feel? Same with the incident(s). I hear ya.

Me:  You keep saying  like it was no big ___ing deal. Well NEWS FLASH!  ITs A BIG xxxDAMN DEAL TO me, in case you hadn't figured it the F#CK out!v   Your incidents?  You're xxxDAMN wrong!  You do NOT KNOW me. You don't. You NEVER f#cking will

Her:  I hate that. Hate it 4 me 2.

Me:  Ask anyone about me. I know me. They know me. YOU are the only f#cking one who doesn't!  

Her:  Guess not. Very sad. All of it. I`ll always grieve him.  (1/2) Guess i didnt know hoim then. Always felt safe & secure with him... His heart belonged 2 me & vice vs. I know without a doubt i wouldve never felt this (2/2) way with him.

Me:  I'm not to worried about God cause I KNOW who iu am, the things I've done, right or wrong. I'm sorry you'll go to ur grave thinking that way of me. U r wrong!

Brings back many fond memories, the kind that drive you insane.

Glad you didn't do what I did and apologise just to keep the peace, because then that stuff gets thrown back in your face anytime something else goes wrong. It's amazing when you leave the cycle and look back on things like this, just how insane and crazy it really is.

Glad you got out of it and hopefully got yourself on a path to healing.

Thanks... . I had ENOUGH that night.  I said some things really out of character for me.  I always walked on eggshells around her.  In two months she had accused me of making sexual advances to her mother by looking at her breasts and flirting with her... . (she's got wirey gray hair and about 20 years older than me) and ogling a 15 year old girl at a pool... . Not to mention the weekly, daily rhetoric about any other woman that walked upright that wasn't black or lesbian.  But damn... . a guy can only take so much of that till he finally does snap and lets her have it... . When it happened with her mother I should have let her have it... . but thing is guys?  No matter what I did, it wasn't going to help.  Anger, compassion... . indifference?  They would all fail with her.  I couldn't win. 

Yeah, that is all too familiar.  It took me awhile to realize this was some of the 'fleas' I picked up from her.  Classic passive-agressive behaviour.  Then, because you actually do look inwardly, you honestly regret your outburst.  You feel bad.  You aplogize, and that just opens the door to everthing getting pushed into your 'bucket of mistakes'.

I'm working hard at trying to fix this, but is soo hard because the skills required to validate and reassure them aren't all the different from being 'passive'.  Yeah, she doesn't yell, when I do that.  She just says hurtful things in a quieter voice.

I guess I'm missing where the outlet is for the person hearing all that 'stuff'.

I feel bad for losing my temper and cursing... . but I don't regret my rebuttals.  I had done neither of these things... . and I was damn F#UCKING tired of being punished for it.  That's my only regret for anything I said there.  

SS... Some of the exchanges are verbatim. The blaming and not taking responsibility. Looking to assign blame. Moving past that. We all know what the facts are. Being able to face this and accept it moves me closer to healing.

I know exactly what you mean.

You are totally right about that... . She NEVER accepted blame for anything, so I probably was throwing a lot of stuff back in her face.  I was so frustrated.  It was hard to not blame shift when I had been eating so much garbage for so long.  When I am wrong I don't mind being told I am... . I don't mind it either if I am called out on it.  But damn... . punishment for things I KNOW I didn't do... . Horrible... .

I'm over it... . I just wanted to share it with you guys.

That was an issue that kept me within the cycle for a very long time. Being pushed and pushed until you said something out of character. It was at that stage you feel guilty for what you said and apologise for your own behaviour. The thing I struggled with was that she would take my apology as justification that she was right and the cycle continues.

Obibens, hurtful things in a quiet voice was a classic for me too. I would be reminded of it constantly and then be told she had to be right because I was getting frustrated and she was calm.

Shellsh0cked, your last sentence says it all, you couldn't win and you never would do either. There is no reasoning or logic behind the thinking and you will always be forced into a position of being wrong no matter what you did. Don't forget, a pwBPD cannot take responsibility for their own actions. So this means when you are wrong, you are wrong but when they are wrong, they cannot take ownership so force their wrong back on you. Either way, you will always be wrong.

The question you need to ask yourself is why you would want to win. What I mean by that is that you know the truth and in the grand scheme of things, that is what truly matters. It was the cycle that kept me going back to the nastiness, the false accusations, the lies told to others to make her look good. She was the angel and I was the demon and she very nearly convinced my family of the same thing, that was until they met her and got on the wrong side of her. Same thing with the T, she convinced him she was an angel too and then he backed off and all hell was unleashed on him.

I kept going back because I knew they were lies and wanted to clear my name. The moment I learned I had nothing to prove to anyone and just by being me, people see through the lies. Winning didn't matter and I was able to let go of the craziness.

I bet her favorite topics of conversation included $hit talking just about everyone and that she destroyed every friendship that she ever made.

I bet her favorite topics of conversation included $hit talking just about everyone and that she destroyed every friendship that she ever made.-

Well…yes and no.  She would talk about them like they were the most awesome thing ever and then talk about them as if they were steaming piles on dung only worth burning in hell…Just depended on what stage she was at.  She accused me on several occasions of having an affair with her friend and neighbor.  At that point she said her friend was a complete slut, a thief, a horrible person….Next time you talked to her, she was a wonderful mother that had some difficulties and had been through a lot…Never knew what was gonna come out of her mouth.  

Sounds like it was a lot of "you did this, you do that, you are this, you are that" from you with her trying to defend herself to me frankly.

I'm trying to remember. It's been quite a while now. Nope... . She always was negative. Never spoke of ideas. Only people and events. Never ideas. Always negative. Dragged me down.

K... . let me get you her number then... . Go out with her and see just how wrong I am... . I can hook you up.  I think I was fully justified in telling her that I didn't appreciate the accusations nor her blowing off acting like a whore.

Doesn't just extend to friends, work colleagues were a favourite topic of my ex too. Everybody seemed incompetent and had it not been for her, the world would have collapsed. When they did something for her they became the best thing ever for a few weeks and then slipped back into being completely incompetent.

A work colleague and friend of hers split from her husband and took time away from everyone to deal with it all. The ex was so angry and nasty about her simply because her friend didn't tell her everything that was going on. The hatred that came out of her mouth towards her friend was unreal.

She actually described one of her best qualities as being able to intimidate people.

This is my new sport. What's her number?

LOL!  I don't hate anyone enough to do that to them... .

You posted the examples, I'm just telling you what I'm reading.  Go back and look at how may "You... . !" are in there from you.  How else do you expect anybody to respond when you're getting a bombardment of "You... . !".  Sorry that it wasn't the reply or sympathy that you're seeking.

   


I don't even need the context of the conversations to understand exactly what the F*** was going on here.

Personally, I was accused of sleeping with a 15 year old... . so I totally totally totally understand the frustration and rage. There's only so much you can take before you explode.

:)

Totally cool... . I appreciate the feedback... . Here’s  some mor of the back story on me blowing up on her…In addition to being accused just then of checking out a 15 year old girl…(this was a Saturday night) she had accused me earlier in the week or “making up” that I had to take my father to the hospital on Sunday.  That one blew me away.  So instead of being with my dad Saturday night to get up and take him to the hospital, I spent the night with her to keep the “fires” out.  I had ENOUGH of her at that point.  So much a belly full.  She needed someone to bombard her with some "YOU".  I’d been hearing it for 14 months.  So I was going to get up from her palce on Sunday and go get him... . which was  incredibly out my way... . but I did it to keep her happy.  She KNEW I had to do this the next morning... . So instead of being compassionate... . or caring... . or giving anything that resmebled a damn about me... . my father... . or my family even... . , she chose to pick a fight with me over something ridiculous... . SO yeah... . I had enough... . I blew up... . and I was sorry for the hurtful things I said, but she needed to hear what I felt instead of me just letting her  bully me constantly.  There is only so much I am gonna let someone kick me in the stomach on the ground... .

sounds like we dated the same woman 

No embarrassment or regrets here. I'm not sorry at all about one single thing I said or did. It was the truth. My truth. Every person has a threshold. A line in the sand as it were.

It's all good and yes, I'm sure that there is a TON of backstory that could be given that would make a lot more sense of those text messages than just reading those in the context presented.  Trust me, I wanted to send mine all kinds of stuff like that but didn't.  Oh I wrote it all out but just filed it away on my computer - just in case.  No need to stir the hornets nest... . just quietly slipping away from port praying that I don't sink in the process... .

Actually, In_n_Out has a point to an extent and I can definitely see his view.

A correct response would be something like "I feel very hurt and angry when I'm accused of trying to pick up 15 year old girls"

However, in the middle of a heated argument, these things tend to go out of the window and arguments fall into finger pointing. You did this to me, you did that to me. The truth of the matter being, nobody can do anything to you unless you allow them to. I believe that is the point In_n_Out is trying to get across.

However, given that, when you take the context out of the argument and look at the things that have happened leading up to what happened, I can clearly see what was the driving force behind it all. It is something I had a frustration with in terms of my exBPDw. She NEVER took responsibility for anything she did wrong and didn't have any empathy for how her actions made someone else feel. To that extent, I completely understand why the argument above unfolded the way it did. You had so much put on you that through anger, you tried to make her accountable for her actions and force some of those things back on her. In the midst of some of that, you have also tried to get her to take ownership of your own feelings. Very easy mistake to make as everything becomes enmeshed.

I had discussions with my T about all ownership and responsibility being put on my shoulders. How could I remove what isn't mine and deal with what was. One way my T described it is that feelings are yours, actions are hers. That's not always 100% because we all make mistakes but it is a good basis to work towards for your own development and well being.

Buccaneers we be

We rise and fall together on perilous sea

Some things happen and some we choose

Lets make the best of the changing views

Ahoy!

One of my friends gave me some "lessons" on dealing with women... . what it sounded like was a lessons on how to deal with psychopaths... .

My ex said. "most women are like me... . you will find that out".  I don't think so M.  Most women I know are not abusive, insanely cruel, despicable, promiscuous, selfish, heartless, manipulative and hateful like you are... .

I have yet to meet any other female in my lifetime like that.  I bet y'all have though.

You oughta read the "letter" that I will never send.  Just venting... . It's pretty harsh.  Maybe I should share it ith yall... .

shellshocked-

I know how you feel. I told my xhwBPD so many times that he did not hear me. Texting, emailing, whatever the guy never heard me. I've never been so frustrated when trying to communicate with someone.

I think you did the best you could to get your point across, but I don't think a pwBPD can admit they are wrong. To do so would cause them to split themselves black... and that would lead to suicide. I'm not kidding. They have so much pain and shame carried around inside of them for years that they would implode before they could admit that they were wrong or hurt someone.

It's such a primitive coping mechanism, and it's kinda sad. To never be able to trust someone, to never be able to shut off the voices in your head... .

But that being said, let me let you know, I read your texts. She had no right to treat you that way, and I'm so very sorry that happened to you. I know exactly how you feel. Now it's time to move forward, and leave the past in the past. You can't fix the past, but you can make right now pretty dang good, if you have the strength to let go of her.

bless you,

Lyn

Thanks Lyn... . this is basically resolved anyway... . and has been.  I have a new lady in my life that is WONDERFUL.  She is everything that my x is not.  Biggest problem I deal with now is realizing because she isn't like that, to expect different behavior.  I was treated in such a way that I find myself worrying about little things (that were huge to my x), like coming over later than expected... . changing of plans... . understanding when I am tired or grumpy it isn't me being "unavailable" or "wanting an out".  My new girlfriend understands... . treats me like the way she wants to be treated... . and she is so secure, so sometimes that is very difficult for me to be 100% relaxed... . I've known her since 1991 and I know she is a great catch... . but I still feel like a dog that was beat and now has nice owners... . Sometimes still shy away when a hand comes out... . even though it was to pet my head or scratch my belly as it were.   :) 

My main purpose on being here is to help others get through.  But now I guess I still do have some resentment... . and I think it has come to a head because now I feel super foolish for letting all this happen.  I let her drag me through this... . almost killed me in several ways.  So I guess that is where the anger comes from.  So my mission here is to stop griping and start helping.  Thanks for your kind words.  -J

One last one... . and I am gonna shut up... . this one I thought was actually kinda funny... .

Her:  If u couldve kept ur eyes off other females, thi couldve been good.

Me: If you couldve kept your xxxdamn pants on maybe I could be good!

 |iiii

Why do pwBPD make lousy cattle ranchers?


Answer: because the have trouble keeping their calves together.

 
:)... . we need a like button for posts!

ShellShocked your current relationship sounds great and was exactly how I felt with my uexBPDbf I felt comfortable and confident and thought how I was interacting was what normal people do in a r/s apparently I was way wrong bc he broke up with me bc I had to change plans and we were not going to get to see each other for a couple of days. I was like things come up life happens we both have commitments we have made to other people ect. Yes it kinda stinks it will be a few days but it doesn't change how I feel about you. Apparently to him it did and was not OK to do! Another time while sleeping I had gotten up to go to the bathroom when I got back in bed he put his hand on my butt. I asked him if he would move his hand bc it was going to bother me and prevent me from going back to sleep mind you it was 3:30 in the morning. His response to jump angrily out of bed and march out to his sofa and sleep there. For only having been dating 2.5 maybe 3 weeks I was like heck no Im not putting up with this nonsense so I got up got my stuff and went out to the sofa leaned over and told him your being ridiculous I told you two days ago that when I'm sleeping I have a hard time doing so when people have their hands on me or are spooning me. Then said it has no reflection on how I feel about you and on that note I am going home. I go to leave and he jumps up and says if you f'ing leave that's it. I said excuse me. He then said no you know what you actually do need to just leave. So I did. Get a text telling me he doesn't know if he can accept my personality that it rubs him the wrong way that their is too much drama and that he doesn't want an emotional roller coaster thus we need to pull the reins back. Seriously it's like dude your creating the drama and the roller coaster not me!

My exUBPGf, when i was in round 2 devaluation, was walking down the stairs in her house, i was sitting in her ground floor living room couch. As i see her walk down, i blow her a kiss, and at that very moment that i blow that kiss, her older 12 year old son immediately appears right behind her on the stairs. My exUBPDgf, stops, glares at me, and says, "Ironmanfalls, did you just blow a kiss at my son?" I look at her, thinking she was joking, and say " No, of course not, i threw that kiss at you my love." She turns to her son and orders him to go to his room. Then looks at me with quite a mean look and asks me again, " Ironmanfalls, did you blow a kiss at MY son?" I get up from the couch, walk over to her and tell her, "I threw you a kiss and he appeared right behind you as i did that. Why would you think i was doing that at your son?" I am already horrified at that point. She responds, " Well it looked like you were throwing him a kiss." I literally stood there looking at her and knew, the end of days was coming. Look at what this person was basically branding me with. I am getting chest pains remembering that. Awful beyond words.

Ironman i think you should open up to the possibility that this person was just trying to devalue you and be cruel. I know you don't believe it's true at all, but for me once i realized that the worst of the "implied" accusations were just her way of punishment i could just see this as an extremely nasty part of her, having nothing to do with me. there's two ways you can feel bad about this--one is feeling bad b/c someone you had feelings for would choose to abuse you by falsely accusing you of making sexual advances at her child. but the other way to feel bad is not good at all--you can't at all assume that she truly believed any of this crap; because you did *not* do anything wrong. you mentioned before how she would attack your masculinity and sexuality--trust this was a veiled punishment of the worst kind, *not* her 'BPD brain' picking up on any energy from you. perhaps i'm reading too much from this but it's these kinds of accusations that really piss me off. it's evil to accuse people of being violent, or of being pedophiles just because your in a pissy mood. if she had an ounce of faith in the bulls&*( coming out of her mouth she would have never let you close to her or her child again but i bet she didn't mind hanging around to devalue you more later right? all part of the game, slicksters i tell you.

real life excerpt:

she: you said i was too fat to have sex with.

me: those words have never crossed my lips.

she: i have the email.

me: you have an email in which i say you're too fat to have sex with? show it to me.

she: no

I am so glad I read this post. I can't believe how many stories I can relate to here on this post. My ex would talk about everyone behind their back. I mean everyone... . people at work, friends and family. I can only imagine what he's said about me. I've heard him say the most vicious things and then the next day turn around like that person is the best thing in the world that he cares about so much. It still freaks me out. It's one thing to be upset with someone and say something but my ex would destroy their character, call them brutal names and just spew so much venom. To watch this person then love them and praise them the next time he spoke about them was wierd. Another thing that just popped into my head was when we argued and he mentioned these people and I would tear them down by throwing back all the evil things he would say about them, that's when my ex would really go batsh--t CRAZY!

I can also relate to the guilt. I sometimes look back on the horrid things I said and did back to him and then would end up feeling so bad that something like that could come out of me (which is NOT characteristic of me in previous relationships) that I would apologize. Best part is that he said to me one of the final times we talked, that I only tell my therapist and my family and friends one side of the story and that is why they are all telling me my reactions were normal. I can see now what he is doing by reading these boards. He was starting to feel me talking about my relationship to a new therapist that I started seeing the week before our final split. My sister went off on him and told him off about how things ended (she used to be friends with him) and the only thing he could come back with is I was only telling them my side of the story and that's why they were "siding" with me. Reality is he was projecting like crazy. I've told my family and therapist every crazy reaction I had to his bullsh--t. My therapist keeps trying to reassure me that given my situation of being with a drug addict that has BPD my reactions were actually pretty normal and that I had to give up on the guilt and blaming myself. He on the other hand has lied an manipulated everyone around him. This is coming from the guy that went to a therapist for drug addiction and didn't mention the drug part to the therapist for several months until his mommy had to go in and tell her.

Yes. That was around the start of the devaluation period in round 2. It was kicked off by her mother telling her "Ironmanfalls looks gay" in a pic she saw of me on facebook. So of course, she took that, + the accusation that I described above, and ran with that. When I told my close friends of what she said to me, their response, "You know her being a woman, you all the way in the city of Boston, far from home, she could have called the police on you. You do realize that." I had no reply. I was already sickened and felt like someone was kicking me in the face. That was the other side to her. I don't ever want to be around that again. To be accused like that. She has no idea of how seriously she could have tarnished my character. That is not something to be taken lightly. It hurts me to this day as I remember that.

real life excerpt, in an email after developing a relationship behind my back and leaving me in deceit:

"i have searched my soul. i will always love you and care for your heart. however, i cannot save the marriage."

What a pr!ck!

I remember those days so well.  Once I lost my mind i spoke like a sailor.   :) 

yes, she is!

real life excerpt (crikey it's therapeutic doing this): at one of our two (horrid, awful) meetings after she bolted:

"my therapist says you'll never really change!"

Iron man... . try being accused of eyeing your girlfriend's mother's breasts and flirting with her... .      

Maxen... . Yeah... I was going to therapy (mostly due to her), and she was not.  She would go see a therapist once or twice and quit... . I am guessing before they dug too deep and told her she was BPD. Good thing I was going since I was the "problem"   :)

She had me "diagnosed" as narcissistic and as a paraphilliac (over the internet!   :) :)  She said my "problem" was incurable.  I loved that one too.  

She also went to a psychiatrist that gave her some medication (Band-Aid) and I am sure she totally manipulated him because he didn't think she was BPD and that all she had was a "panic disorder".  Not sure what college that nimrod attended because she is classic BPD... . no doubt.  

Not saying I don't have issues too... . I am human, but the only person that ever said anything like that to me was her... . not my friends, not my family, not my therapist... . interesting... .

Shell,

Not to downplay your accusation, I would rather be accused for flirting with an adult woman then be accused of being a pedophile and gay at the same time. I will     to your   .   I have to laugh at this because sometimes I seriously want to SCREAM.

Dude... . wasn't just her mom... . but that's the one that she raked me over the coals for... . that I was NEVER going to forget.  Especially sucked because I didn't do sh!t... .

I also got accused of undressing a 15 year old with my eyes... . so I got pedophile and grandmaf#cker too. 

Had appointment with T tonight and he asked to see the latest e-mails from exBPDw. He laughed as he read through them and made a list of several words, including Blackmail, Abuse, Delusional, Guilt Trip, Irrational and Illogical.

After he finished reading, he said that he can 100% say that getting out of there was the best decision I ever made.

One such comment she made, that I failed to notice, was her anger at the fact I bought a bar of chocolate 3 years ago and that contributes to the reason she is deeply in debt now. Completely forgetting that spending $10,000 on a vacation every year, her insistence in flying everywhere first class and only staying in 5* resorts has nothing at all to do with it. He could not believe she was trying to guilt trip me over a $1 bar of chocolate from so many years ago.

What I find scary though is when you are enmeshed in the insanity, whatever they say seems perfectly logical and a reason to be apologetic and take responsibility for that guilt. It's crazy how insane all of this is in the real world.

this is simply disgraceful. it's the sign of an utterly disordered compass that a person would even think such a thing.

my w, who has had a higher salary than i have every year for the past 16 years, "joked" that she'd declare bankruptcy if i didn't pay for any trip she ever wanted to take. this was not an idle threat. not as serious as your situation ironman i unreservedly admit, but nonetheless she was threatening to wreck my financial reputation and our financial security. this is the person i tried to build a life with. what was wrong with me?


excellent, therapeutic response. my T has buried her head in her hands listening to my stories.

I will raise you    to even out with mine. In all seriousness, I am truly sorry you experienced that. It makes you think what is really transpiring through their minds when such vile and disgusting things are being hurled out of their mouths at their once beloved. No thought given to ramifications that even subliminally referencing someone as a pedophile has on someone's character.

Maxen,

The fact that she threatened you with such shows the lack of seriousness she has in her own life that she would jeopardize your financial security. One of the hallmarks of BPD(correct me if I am wrong) is risky behavior such as reckless spending(I guess in your case risking yours was a really cruel reflection of that). What you experienced is also horrific. I am so sorry Maxen. All that you did wrong, like the rest of us, was fall in love with a disordered person. That is our collective failing.  

Quote from Ironmanfalls... . I will raise you  barfy barfy to even out with mine. In all seriousness, I am truly sorry you experienced that. It makes you think what is really transpiring through their minds when such vile and disgusting things are being hurled out of their mouths at their once beloved. No thought given to ramifications that even subliminally referencing someone as a pedophile has on someone's character.

Yup... . Took me a really long time to realize that I am not this horrible disgusting person she made me out to be... . She shoved it down my throat so much that I started to believe it.  That and her enablers that would side with her... . whether it was to keep her calmed down, or they really believed that TRASH she spews out.  Either way, I had to rise above giving a damn what she or THEY think of me anyway.  But yeah... . nothing sucks much worse than having your character assassinated on a regular basis.  I will agree 100%! 

Did any of you ever experience your ex telling you that other people were saying things about you that were never said? For example, my ex once told me that a mutual acquaintance of ours who I went to college with told him that I was having orgies in college and went into detail about some things. It was so believable that I confronted my friend who of course denied it and even sent him an email and blind copied me about how ridiculous the whole thing was. Of course, he never replied to her becuase it was a total lie. She never said any of it. I wonder if he really believed himself? What is the purpose of even creating all of that?

What's worse... . why did I blame it on his drug abuse and take him back? Yuck.

My ex was jealous that one of my best friends was female. It was obvious in her face but she decided to befriend her. I would often be told that my friend was saying nasty things about me and that I needed to "put her in her place". Because I'm not that kind of person, I agreed to have a discussion with my friend and knowing something didn't add up suggested that we all sit down together and talk it through. My ex went into a violent rage over the suggestion and put the blame for it entirely on me.

Turns out she was also feeding the same crap to my friend too. Needless to say, she managed to break apart that friendship and I haven't spoken to my friend in a couple of years. I know it's because my ex perceived her as a threat and she managed to accomplish what she set out to do.

Since breaking up, she has gone after my daughters mother in the same way too. Funny thing it actually backfired because they knew me better than she did and exposed herself for what she was.

feelingcrazy and Murbay i think it's pretty common for controlling people to tell lies in order to 'divide and conquer' and destroy relationships between people. this is a way to isolate their target so that they have more control over you by removing your support network, or eliminating anyone they perceive as a threat. sometimes i'm sure pwBPD actually believe their lies. other times they know they are lying which is why they react negatively when they are exposed. i think my ex could actually believe certain lies she told herself, such as that i was cheating--i think she could go back and forth convincing herself of this. but, no i don't think when they make isht up about he-said she-said that they actually believe the other person told them this. they know it's a lie which is why they don't want you to have a real conversation with the other person. divide and conquer

I have absolutely no doubt that she believed the lies she told herself.  When she went to jail she told her sister and brother in law that she wasn’t holding a six pack…wasn’t pointing her fingers at the cops…but the video CLEARLY calls b#ll$h!t on that!

And creating things…She said during a rage and while I was in the devaluation stage once that she had “just remembered” me staring at a girl in a striped bikini at the beach…LAST YEAR!  K…whatever.  Never happened.  

She said in these texts that I cornered her, yelled in her face, spit on her, spilled wine on her, pushed her and argued to the death with her…Okay, she wouldn’t tell me why she was going psycho, so I did tell her I wasn’t leaving her alone until she told me what was going on.  I did yell at her because she was yelling at me, and yeah, I argued to the death about it because it was bullsh#t and I was beyond at my wit’s end with her and sick of arguing about $hit that never happened.   But I most certainly did not spit on her, nor did I spill wine on her.  I ACCIDENTALLY spat on her when we were arguing.  Spittle…during heated discussion.  I did not “hock” a loogie on her like she’s inferring.  :)idn’t happen.  The wine?  That’s a complete fabrication far as I know.  She may have spilled it on herself while I was following her around.  I did no such thing. Yes, I did push her…out of my face when she was screaming in it.  That was TOO far.  That’s why I left and started getting that rainstorm of hate text she was spewing.  So basically she just took all of this and made it sound really good…so she’d have some ammunition for the next fight... about how I shoved her around, spit on her, threw wine on her and screamed at thte top of my lungs uncontrollably  ... . and I am sure that story would be even better as time went on so the details really made her look even more victimized.…I think maybe she believed it happened like that to a point too.  

Psycho….Glad to be out of her life.  

WOW, I was just telling this story to someone else so I'll add it here.  It definitely boggles the mind how crazy these folks are.

I woke up one morning and headed upstairs to use the restroom.  As soon as I hit the top of the stairs, I smelled the definitive smell of... . sh!t.  Yes, sh!t.

I get into the bathroom and notice that the toilet is full of sh!t, literally.  In other words, H took a sh!t and didn't flush.

When he came home that night I said to him, "I know you're running late in the mornings, but can you please take two seconds to make sure you flush when you are done sh!tting because you didn't this morning and the entire upstairs stunk when I woke up."

Rather than saying what a normal person would say and going, "Yeah, no problem.  Sorry about that," I get this... .

"Whatever.  It wasn't my sh!t.  I know it couldn't have been my sh!t because I always flush.  Can you prove it was my sh!t?  :)id you take a picture of it, because I know what my sh!t looks like and I can tell you if it's mine or not?"

This went on for no less than 20 minutes with him insisting he was "innocent of leaving a foul-smelling substance in the bathroom" as if he was on trial for a felony count of leaving sh!t in a toilet.  You would've thought his life was on the line at how worked up he got.  I can still picture him, arms flailing, spit flying, as he insisted it absolutely, positively could not have been HIS sh!t.  Right, so someone planted sh!t after he left for work.  Whatever.  

Lol, KarmaGirl - as I was reading your post, I was seriously having vivid thoughts of my exBPD boyfriends face playing that all out. He never did that specific sh--t in toilet scene but I could SO see him doing the same thing, that I just couldn't get his face out of my head as I was reading.

Sorry for the flashback :) 

I soo wish I had been running the video camera that day of all days to capture the absurdity.  And the poor guy was dead serious while the kids and I were laughing so hard we were crying.

Unreal the stuff we put up with, huh?

karma_gal ... .

I know to you that wasn't funny for sure, and I can totally picture the attitude and freaking out, but I did get a chuckle out of the way you presented it.   :)

Yeah, my xgf would argue to the death about what I did... . what she didn't do... . who did what... . who was good, who was bad... . whatever... . and of course this changed from day to day too... . Crazy.

Mine blamed lattes. She claimed that she had spent 'thousands' of dollars on me, that she actually added up the numbers. It doesn't make any logical sense. That's a LOT of lattes!   :)

Oh... . I was blamed for "taking away" her looks, her family, her close friends... . her "vibrant" life, her trust in people, her ambition, her drive to do anything... . that I caused her to go into a deep depression... . that I contributed to her job loss (nevermind she was still unemployed more than a year after our split).  That I basically backed her into a corner which is why she had sex with those guys... . Nothing like being made out to be the direct cause of every pain for someone you actually cared about.

er ... . well ... . since this topic has been brought up ... . i could add a few words here ... . but ... . ah ... . i won't ... .

You ask me... . the whole relationship smelled like that... .

Cleaning out my mailbox... . came across some more good ones.  There's a bunch of them... .

That's great. You have this listed as xxxxx & xxxxxx xxxxxx. Fabulous. You just know how to keep making it better, don't you? (she's referring to an email I sent that apparently left a header with my ex wife and I as the sender... . total accident and I had forgotten it was on that account.  Yes that insecure)

Thanks for taking every shred of hope I had in people, humanity, this world & shredding it. You win. I lose. So does my daughter. It really sucks for us, doesn't it?

"Your love"... . right? haaa... . that's a joke. Mother f#cker. F#ck you & your stupid mother f#cking selfish goddamned bullsh!t.[/color]

Real sweetie huh?  Notice all the blaming in the second section and guilt tripping... .

Thought I'd share that.  I got more!  Let's see yours if you wanna. 

Yikes!  Plenty of dysfunction in those missives, no fun at all.  You've been around here for a year and a half shocked, hopefully you're cleaning out your mailbox to permanently delete all of that and focus more on your future?  One man's opinion, use as needed... .

I’m posting here to bump this thread because it literally had me laughing in disbelief sometimes, sadly because the stories are so similar to what I’ve been through.

This is a great reminder thread in case you start to miss the r/s.

I sure pray and hope all the pwBPD get the help they need but wow I don’t miss these crazy times.