BPDFamily.com

Last week I was on a family trip to Cuba that my dBPDh didn't want to come.

To say I was nervous of leaving home alone would have been a major understatement... . but he proved me wrong.

Not only did he continue taking his medication (I filled out his pill box before leaving and he had it ready for a refill when I got home, he went to his appointments and he visited my grandfather everyday... . but he also made sure to respond to my texts and he actually called me to prove to me that he was OK (he didn't say that's why he called but he did say it once I was home).

I am so proud of him, I'm also happy to say that he totally regrets not coming on the trip. Let's just say he is working on getting the strength and courage for the next trip.

The challenge to separate from each other is not to be underestimated when both sides have attachment issues.


Of course you missed him but there is the upside to him having time and full responsibility for himself. It allowed you letting go of carrying some of his responsibilities. Temporary separations like business and vacation trips can really help here rebuilding a stronger sense of self on both sides. Natural, healthy and relatively painless boundary restoration.

This was a family vacation and it felt very weird not having him around, having said that it was really great having only myself to think about. I will make sure that if we have a family trip and he is there, I also plan a trip alone.

By keeping the contact pretty much once a day (if I left the resort) only also helped me not get the dreaded calls of him sounding totally depressed or informing how I'm the worst person in the world for abandoning him.