BPDFamily.com

This might be a topic that could belong in a ":)UHHH" sub-board if there was one.

Last Friday I put on hold the r/s with my BPDgf when she became disregulated from not taking her meds for 3 weeks (and not telling me), and I took her bad behavior personally and the old bad feelings surfaced.

What prompted the breakup was a text I sent her in which I offered to get her a phone (her phone is turned off and she can only use wifi).  She responded to my offer with a push away by saying she wanted nothing from me because I would rub it in her face, or something like that, in her BPD codelanguage.

I responded with a let's just be friends for a couple of weeks until you get some of your problems worked out (she gets officially divorced next week and I mentioned in my text that we could resume the r/s after the divorce was final... . an excuse perhaps on my part... . I was pissed because she pushed me away).

Since then we have texted a little and met over the weekend and I could assess just how bad off she was emotionally. She has turned off all feelings towards me and treats me now like we were always "nothing."

I am trying to step back but keeping in contact. Today she said via text she needs a phone.

I responded by telling her I was going to buy her an iphone last week before we broke up.

I know by experience she needs to be with a guy always and cannot be alone ever... . I see she has activated her online dating profile under the fake name she used in the past so any phone she will use to try to meet an in-betweener-guy and I will be the sap.

Sap that I am part of me wants to get her a phone (a cheap one that I can control and turn off etc) and I told her I might consider it but she would have to pay for it by doing some work for me.

I haven't done anything yet and am hoping to have the will to let her freeze for a couple days.

Am I a total idiot?

I guess you are calling yourself an "idiot" because you haven't just gone NC and let her go?  If you are an idiot for that, we all are idiots.  Looking back, I can find 5 or 6 times where I should have said "that's enough" and walked away, and gone NC.  I'd be done with this now, and probably would have moved on to something better and happier.   But as of now, I have taken her back after several red flags were raised, thinking I have a new grasp on the relationship and her promises to help herself.  Meanwhile, I am now paying for her car, and for her phone, while I am broke.   I suppose I still have opportunities to say "no" but with every new roadblock, I still try and help.  And I am sure there will be even bigger roadblocks in the future, and while I sit here now and think about saying "enough" I know deep down I will endure more and more before that ever happens. 

Yes, I suppose I am calling myself an idiot for not letting her go and even thinking about getting her a phone.

For God sake. Don't buy her anything. I did exactly the same and she used the phone to flirt with her lover behind my back.

If she reactivated her online dating profile, do yourself a favor and 1. Run, 2. Don't look back. Unless you want to play detective the rest of your life to find out what she's doing next, then it's best to move on. You're right, BPD people always need to be with a guy and can't be alone (I believe my uBPD wife is like this too). So, if you get her the phone, you will basically be paying for her to emotionally cheat on you (maybe more).

You're an idiot.


Hold it I'm on this site recovering!

I'm an idiot, a hopeful, loving, in denial idiot.

NC = no contact

NC = no crazy

I loved reading about NPDs and BPDs getting together.

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The NPD has no chance against the BPD, the BPDs pathology is too deep.

Maybe you could 'play' her... . this is gonna hurt!

Thanks!

I have not bought her any phone and am avoiding the subject altogether.

I am thinking about possibly giving her a very, very low paying job (she would make about $50 per month if she does what I want) helping me with a tack in my business... . sort of turning this into business relationship... . because I need the help with the task and she lives in the area where the job needs to be done.

I don't know why but I think doing that might actually help me detach from her by making her a contract employee.

But no phone.  If she asks me for a phone I will tell her to ask her soon to be ex for good husband to buy the phone.  He has already paid about 15k in her legal bills for criminal defense and a psych evaluation. I would think he can also buy her a phone if she bugs him enough... . she will need one soon to be able to communicate with a probation officer.

Thanks... . you made me laugh :)

I have played her on many occasions, and it works, but I usually can't stick to my game plan. I am no Vince Lombardi that's for sure... . more like Mad Mike Martz the old Rams offensive coordinator... . trying to beat chaos with more chaos and the quarterback always gets killed.

She is part super BPD waif mixed with a little bit of piranha. I can't beat her.  I always say she is my kryptonite.

Her soon to be ex husband is buying her a phone today so I am off the hook on this one.