BPDFamily.com

All I have done is try to be kind and there for him and listen to him.

But all he has done is respond with vitriol.

I'm sick of it. This last message was the last straw. He is simply a nasty piece of work and will not change no matter what I try.

"I am cross. I have said on more than one occasion how I feel. We have barely spoken properly and we arent as close as we were. You betrayed my trust aside from anything else and every other comment you are making now is about some injustice I have done to you. It really isn't fair. I know you are having a bad time of it and struggling but this is entirely separate to that".

I see it all so clearly now. It's an attempt at control, it's projection onto me. And I won't accept it.

Oh and he ended it with "there is nothing wrong with me for me to get better from, stop accusing me"

I thought I could change my exBPDbf too, but we come to realize that is impossible.  Then I thought, well, maybe I can encourage him to get help and get better, but that didn't work either.  Bottom line, he knows your suffering and enjoys it.  He's won this latest battle with you.  I used to get that "you betrayed my trust" line ALL the time too.  To him, betraying his trust was =  wanting to talk about r/s problems.  He felt I was using stuff he told me against him, where I was only trying to understand him and yes, help him change.  Big time project-o-rama.  :)on't accept it today, tomorrow or ever again.

  My exBPDbf still thinks there is nothing wrong with him - that's because he projects his shame and bad behavior onto everyone else 

It's hard, isn't it?

Before I knew that my SO had BPD, I tried and tried to help. I have a strong background in Buddhism and mindfulness and it was maddening to me that nothing I suggested seemed to solve anything. Her behaviour was so contradictory too - and it was clear to me that she wasn't exactly 'lying'. She really believed everything she was saying in the moment she was saying it.

Recognising that you deserve better is an important step. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'

I think you've withdrawn your consent!  |iiii

Mine would overreact and when I tried to explain my feelings she would cut me off completely. She would then shut down all communication... . like blocking my phone number.

I'm 38 and she is 42. Really? How immature is that?

Kai, mine had all these calming Buddah things around her house... . was all about tranquility and peace so much to the point I felt I was the chaos in her life.  She told me I was toxic and bad for her... .

yet dumped me six times and came back. If she was really about calm she would have left me sooner. I wish she had.

This was my first lesbian relationship. Damn.

My ex pushed me through a window for eating the last half of a steak she was saving for later one time. I had no idea she was saving it.

Total lunatics, these people.

The steak was good though.

You poor thing.  Wow.  Yikes, I hope you were on the first floor and the window was open   

The window was closed. I have a scar on my arm from it.

I can't believe I stayed with her after that.

I know a lot of people's BPD exes did a lot of bad stuff. Mine really does belong in prison though. It won't be me that puts her there, but eventually, somethings got to give. She already got a felony 3rd DUI (somehow avoided jail time and expunged already) and while she was on probation for that got arrested for another DUI in a different state (charges were dropped but she was wasted). Her out of control behavior has to catch up with her at some point. She's only 28, so it's bound to happen sooner or later.

I'm so sorry. I want to say I can't imagine that, but my x was physically abusive to me too.  Black eyes, scar on lip, concussion, etc.  Never through glass  :'(  I never pressed charges either.  Like you, didn't want to be the one to put him in jail.  Every time you look at your scar let it remind you of your strength and courage - your "purple heart".

As usual you have been awesome. The support from these forums is overwhelming.

Again another post that is so reaffirming I'm not alone nor am I crazy. I have gotten that email projecting everything on me. And the shutting down when anything was brought up about the r/s and storming off. Yet it was Ok to dump on me for no reason. I rember him being rude to me as we were pulling into a Wal-mart parking lot. I was annoyed but would have shaken it off as one of those "whatever" moments. As we are walking into the store he asks are you annoyed. I replied yes a little. His response in a snotty angry disgusted voice said fine I'm just going wait in the car this is complete crap" I was like what? As he turned and walked off I just continued with finding what I had come in the first place to get. A couple minutes later like a sad child he comes back acting like he just didn't have a little temper tantrum. Good lord as I get close to a month I'm starting to see the insanity it all. His new LDR r/a might last for a while before the crap hits the fan. But it will cause the way he is doesn't just all of a sudden happen bc of some new person this is who he is!