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Talked to her DAD today about child custody. We are almost there. He agrees that the alienation has been wrong, and we should have it ironed out within the next few days.

I am so glad I talked with him because I now know how crazy she is and how I'm never going back. I have been NC SINCE X MAS EVE! Yet, she lied and told him I threw a newspaper on my replacement' s front lawn. It had the words "slit" and "wore" written on it.  I asked him when this occurred and I was actually duck hunting that day.

I am now scared of false allegations of abuse w my son when I do get rights. I wonder if this is sympathy attention behavior to make the millionaire more INTO her. Whatever the last few days I have been moping around wondering how much this was my fault.

I'm done! I will have to deal with a very dangerous woman for the rest of my life... . that is scary! I will also never be alone with her again.

Thoughts?

That's one reason I won't go anywhere near my daughter right now. I know my BPDex wants total control of her and will do anything she can to hurt me to assure that happens. Personally, I think my best bet is to steer clear of them and wait it out. She gets arrested for stuff pretty often, so I figure it's only a matter of time until they finally put her away and then I can take care of my kid without having to deal with any crazy.

Every situation is different, but it's definitely something to be concerned about.

I see your point, Santa. 

I will NEVER be alone with her ever again.

I also think this was a desperation attempt for her to sink the claws into my replacement and gain sympathy as the WAIF victim.

It's scary these women can become extremely dangerous.  She did me a favor though, as if I didn't have enough bad memories to ruminate when feeling down, this one sealed the deal for me.

Plus, I got validated in a sick way.  I know she hasn't moved on.  I am the one who went NC and she cannot handle me not begging, sending flowers, asking to be with her.  I can finally see how her sickness is playing out with my replacement. 

The damsel in dsitress... . she will ruin him, I know it... . she has probably moved on to the clinger stage... . won't be long until the devaluing begins.

Arn

     Wow, I am wishing you LOTS of luck. I know that courts are still biased against dads no matter how insane the moms are... . I learned that quickly watching my husband's ex physically and mentally abuse my two bonus kids constantly... . and, ironically or not... . I am going into that field myself (with eyes wide OPEN for these people!) We finally got 100% custody of the oldest and primary of the youngest, but it took 3 years... . and she STILL gets to see the little guy every other weekend despite her insanity and absolute neglect. I hear you LOUD and clear. Lay low and whatever time you spend with your child... . have witnesses. Seriously. These courts believe the women almost no matter what... . very sad.

     Of course, now I'm on here because I now know my husband has BPD... . so go figure.   

     

Yeah, I'd say the thing that happened with you was definitely a good warning sign. She's wanting to get something started. Anything that makes you look bad is a win for her. Keeps everyone wrapped up in her "struggle". Hopefully she'll realize that her little ploy didn't work and not try anything else. It could escalate though. I'd just make sure you're staying on your toes about things.

Considering your lady is in a rebound relationship, coming off 14 years with you, it's pretty likely to implode soon. The majority of relationships don't last all that long anyway and when you factor in all the baggage, I wouldn't expect it to be long term... . especially if this guy is middle aged. Middle aged guys just want to know they can get a pretty younger woman. They don't necessarily want to settle down with them. The chase is the thrill. I would assume that when he starts seeing red flags, he'll probably blow up the relationship.

There's no way of knowing if she'll try to get back with you if that happens, but there is a possibility. Obviously it'll be your own personal choice and you'll have to weigh the pros and cons yourself, but I'd be extremely cautious getting too chummy with her now that child custody is involved. No matter what she says to you, she's always going to have the custody thing as motivation to bring you harm.

Santa did you read my title... . ?

I'M DONE!

LOL! I am free... . bro, this is all I needed.  I guess God is doing something for me that I couldn't do for myself... .

the ability to SEE

You are NOT that angry if your new relationship is everything you have ever wanted.  You don't have that much anger if you are over someone... . today I am over her... . life moves on.  Not another undeserved second will be spent on this piece of trash.

She can watch me from a distance become a successful Petroleum Engineer.  2 years won't be long.  Yeah going to go back on weekends to get a Master's in finance.  Big oil here I come... . without any baggage.

she can watch me sail off in the sunset in that sailboat I promised her... . with another woman who doesn't have BPD

That's awesome, man. Make a plan and stick to it and there's no stopping you.

Your getting there arn. You still like to worry about stuff that is mostly imaginary. You have all of the legitimate concern. You and your son. Focus on that. To hell with everything else. Most of it is out of your hands any way and believe me, I understand where you are coming from.

Great news about the custody of your son Arn!

Congratz on your doneness

Thanks, RNM.

I think I am officially out of the woods in me thinking and killing myself over that I might have een the main problem in this relationship.  I have dwelled over it the past 4 weeks. And although, I can admit to my part and know what they are. I finally see her disorder in full light.

She could have made that false accusation to play the innocent waif damsel in distress if she thought my replacement was pulling away.  Or she could have done it because I am permanantly split black.  I hope for the latter, because then I REALLY am out of the woods.

Arn

Speaking of false child abuse, I have a friend whose exBPDgf did just that. They got in a fight about the same time her child fell and bumped its head. She called the police and had him arrested for harming her child. It was all over the news. I live in a city of over 3 million people. His mug shot was on all the news channels and newspapers. Guilty before proven innocent. Needless to say the charges were dropped but the damage was already done. The saddest part of all is that he still hooks up with her from time to time.

One step at a time, arn.


You are fortunate to have inlaws that want to do right by the child.  Hopefully some of these discussions are happening by email so you have a record.  

Now is the time to build your case as a good father.  :)o things with you child with other people so that they can be called as character witnesses if needed.  Be on time a d text your arrival (so you have a record).  Take lots of happy photos.

PAS and false accusations of violence are very common place if this comedown to a custody battle - not just with pwBPD - momma hens are incredibly protective of the chicks.  She has this DV arrests to beat you over the head with.

I really encourage you to send some time on the legal board to develop a plan of what to do (and not do).

Thanks, Skip. I appreciate the advice about the legal board. I don't even know where to begin. Maybe 500 more posts in a month and I will be straight