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I dont know how to respond to my exBPD anymore... .

We had a short intense romance 2 years ago. Eversince i became sort of her safetynet during her flirts with others. Our breakup didnt went very respectfull towards me. I finally came to realize its because of no closure for nothing that its that i'm still longing for to move on with my life.

I've tried to walk away from her, by being silent and taking no initiative towards her, or being assertive and calmy explaning her what is disrespectfull... . That is going for months now and then basicly after a week more or less she shows up asking how i have been and eventually talking about her. Earlier this week the same thing so i told her i feel sad because we never came to talk things through and eversince there is no closure when we have important constructive conversations... she turns silent for days or falls asleep and things like that online. She just doesnt understand my point. I'm walking on eggshells and trying to find ways to make her see and learn her some basicrules, but is she ever putting energy in me... . no... . makes me feel so ashamed, stupid, and low... . it's never good enough and thats hard to see

Hi icecream,

you want to help her and see the light. You will struggle with that plan teaching her basic rules. And while you struggle you take your clues from a very confused person and struggle even more to walk a straight line.

If you want to support your ex maybe the best you can do is being strong yourself. Take your clues from healthy people and focus on yourself first. Limit (boundaries) on how much and what you do for her. This should lead to you getting stronger. Accepting input from a self confident stronger person with good boundaries is often easier for a pwBPD. Leadership beats telling most of the times.

Thanks for your insights anOught,

I try to focus to heal myself in the aftermath of this unhealthy situation.

I gave the situation a good thought in reality facts, as thoughts simply come to her when i open my eyes in the morning... . The reality of it all is the fact she decided to put her plants in someone elses garden to perhaps grow, and thats how it is, or will always be, who knows... without proffesional help.

I'm not going to invest my precious heart no more into an unstable person, it simply wont make me happy.

I want an healthy relationship where love can grow and makes two persons happy when being together by sharing mutual love, respect, trust,... and THAT i wont find in her... . I face that.

So, no more communication coming from my side towards her. If she contacts me again sooner or later what happend in the past cycles... When that moment is there I'm going to repeat these lines in mind: She doesnt make my heart happy. Her emotions are not going to mess up mine... . Things like that, which i realized and hope they stay with me when the moment is there. Meanwhile it is my life and only myself to focus on. I'm the only one responsable what i do and decide to do with my life. I'm allowed to make mistakes or fail, and what happend in my life was a huge learning. Stay strong people out there!