BPDFamily.com

Hey Leavers,

Since we have quite a number of new folks on the leaving board who are struggling with detaching, I thought that I would share one of my all time favorite posts about discipline.  Thank you 2010!

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=124872.msg1230182#msg1230182

Quote from: 2010 on July 28, 2010, 05:17:01 AM

Quote



"If I were a lucky person he would not engage me in a conversation, but I am not usually so lucky."

What does luck have to do with intent? Nothing. What does luck have to do with willpower? Nothing. If it is your intention to engage him in conversation, luck (or bad luck as it appears) is only an excuse to continue dialogue with a person that hurt you.

Having to be in the same place with him is nothing less than having to go grocery shopping while you're on a diet. You dont go into a supermarket and find yourself in the cookies and candy aisle because you're unlucky.  You might want to tempt fate and walk the aisle to prove something to yourself- but for the most part- that's setting yourself up in order to fail- and it's your addictive brain talking *instead* of your rational reason. The addictive brain loves to blame bad decisions on "luck."

If you happen down that cookie/candy aisle without thought, and then pick up a box of Hostess *Ding Dongs* just to sniff them- you'll find out pretty quickly that one sniff leads to a touch, and a touch leads to a read of the label, then... . the Ding Dong gets thrown into the cart. What's it going to hurt? Certainly the Ding Dong wants this, right? The Ding Dong says, "why hello, you've obviously been thinking about me. You obviously care. And I care too- I care that I have you right where I want. What a coincidence you walked down this aisle. To see me? Now, touch me, tell me how you like my new bald headed snowball wrapper- ssssh- don't speak- take me Home... . "

Addictive thought doesn't want you to think about the first defense (dont go down the aisle) BUT if you find yourself in the aisle, do not loiter- do not make small talk. Get away- do your business shopping and LEAVE. Do not sniff the Ding Dong, do not touch the Ding Dong and do not read the label to figure out if Ding Dong's ingredients are healthy. They are not. He is a Ding Dong. A ding dong is only empty calories- and if you take a bite you will get a sugar high only to crash and burn later with nothing to show for it.

Put the Ding Dong Down.

Great read.

Is '2010' a BPD sufferer or a 'non' ?

NON - but wrongly diagnosed as BPD during the BPD relationship, so the insight from this member is like no other.

If you have not gone to the member file and read all the posts, you are doing yourself a huge disservice... . This member explains the dynamics better than 99% from both clinical and practical perspective.

Yikes.  These analogies really help me put things into perspective.  Thank you SB.

Of course - I recycle this one when I can - it still makes me laugh!

I've got a free afternoon tomorrow.

I shall don my smoking jacket, settle into a nicely aged leather wing-back chair & study 2010's insightful wisdom!

Port, cheese & a dashing good read eh what!

Thanks SB

this post is great... thanks for reposting it SB... . i wasnt here in 2010, so no chance i could have seen that before until you posted... however it is such a good way to describe my situation too... i will keep this in my mind.

in 2010? oh god i was on a drug induced cloud bed, had just started getting close to her and boy was i hooked!

this story, like many others have said, puts it in terms that are great to process things.

ive slowly been trying to process things myself but i am utterly lost, my story wasnt as step by step as many others here,

its definitely left me a drift with everything. i always felt unlucky but really i was just unwilling to admit and realize what ihave power on and what i dont.

many of us here will now embark on a new journey, to see whats inside.

she used to tell me "you need to crack your heart open and see" it hurts thinking about it because it didnt break, she burnt it.

thats what i feel deep inside, like a house burnt to the ground, a wall or 2 barely standing, some things survived scattered around

but mostly unable to tell whats what.

wish i knew then, that fire that gave me so much warmth when i needed it, would eventually burn my house, because i was so cold, she lit a fire in my heart and i let it go out of control.

luck feels like a vessel that needs steering, you take charge or you watch the view and sit drifting by.

need a reason to get up and go where you want, im still looking

what will it take for you to take charge?

SB:

Thanks for posting this. I came across it during my travels through the archives when I first got here and laughed... . and realized how dead on it was. It also led to me going back and reading every post from 2010. Amazing wisdom there so I too urge you, if you have free time go through and read all of 2010's posts.

I haven't left yet but have caught myself in arguments telling myself to put the ding dong down and walk away to avoid the circular arguments that always ensue.   

Love this post!