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Two weeks ago, my gs told me that his mom smokes Black and Mild.   And, I have to wonder if he knows what she is actually smoking.  He says that it really stinks.  I think he knows that his mother is really smoking weed, as he is very smart.  One thing that my dd is more than happy to post pictures of his perfect papers on FB.  She is so proud of his progress, but does not even think about what her smoking weed in front of him is doing to him.

I never brought it up to her, what my gs told me because I was not sure of how I was going to bring it up.  My gs told me not to say anything to her because his mom told him not to tell anybody.  I did not want to get him upset if his mother chastised him for telling me.  I cant tell his dad because he is not actually stable himself.  He does not do drugs, but he drinks, is a sex addict, and has beat my daughter up.  Told my gs that his mother was just a big f    up. 

I have been keeping my gs when I suspect that my dd is smoking.  I can tell by keeping an eye on her email messages. And, when she gets a hold of some money.  This is the third night that I am keeping my gs. Tomorrow, he goes to stay with his dad for the week.

My gs went with his mom to her friend's today.  She called and asked if he could come to my house because she did not want to leave her friend's yet.  When I heard that he was there all day, I ran to his rescue.   And, sure enough, he told me that his mom was smoking those black and milds that smell like skunk. 

I am thinking the best way to handle this is to tell my dd, that I will be keeping my gs during her custody weeks, as I know that she is smoking pot while she has him.  I know that she will deny it and yell about my dh.  My dh is an opiate addict, too.  He gets his pills from the dr.  and runs out a week early.  I found out that last week,  he asked my daughter if he knew where she could get some vicodin at.  And, yes, this caused a big argument with  me and dh.  How could he ask her that, and, he will say how we have to get her off the drugs.That she goes to methadone clinic, takes Adderall, and smokes weed.    He is a hypocrite when he is a vicodin addict  .And, used to smoke weed.  He claims to have quit. Last week, he was talking rehab, but now he is going back to get his vicodin.  He says that my dd is really in bad shape because she is on too many drugs.  He is always lecturing her, but he has no room to talk.  I tell him that, but he feels her situation is worse and cost us a lot of money. She has no license, so we drive her everywhere.  She has no job, and has legal expenses.

He really complicates things with my dd.  I am sure that my dd is telling her counselor what a hypocrite my dh is.  And, he is!  He sees that he is able to work and function. 

I am so mad at both of them.  I just don't know what to do.  I say something to my dd, she will lash out about my dh.  Honestly, I don't care who she tells about my dh.  It is common knowledge in my family that my dh is addicted to his vicodin.

My husband has a physical addiction to vicodin dr. prescribed to him.  And, it does not bother me other than I told him that he is shortening his life.  And, the fact he asked my dd if she knew where he could get any vicodin.  then that changed everything!  And, he still has the audacity to say that she will end up in prison if she does not get off the drugs.  How can you ask her to get you something, then complain about her drug problem. 

I started typing this about my dd, but now I am really mad at my dh all over again.  He has really complicated things!  And, now I can understand how my dd gets frustrated when there is a conflict between us, and how can I side with my, who is a hypocrite.  What a mess!

Peace I'm so sorry you're dealing with this!    I would feel the same way.  The worst thing about smoking pot around her little boy is that he gets contact high.   I really feel for you grandparents stuck in the middle of your children and your grandchildren. 

I can feel how despondent you must be.  It is so hard to be the only one trying to keep a normal life going and nobody is helping out.  What does dh say about asking dd for drugs?  Does he understand the wrongness of what he's done?  I'd be spitting nails.  You are trying to give her a consistent message about drugs and he goes and asks her for them.  Where are your boundaries on this?  Do you have any?  I know it's so new you probably haven't even had time to think about it.

I decided not to confront my dd about smoking. I know that she will deny, and I can't accuse her, if I am not certain.  I can't tell her that my gs told me, as she will just respond on how he does now know.   I will find the right time and a way to generalize a discussion about parents smoking when their kids are present.  And, mention that I hope she would never smoke when my gs is around, without mentioning what my gd told me.

I was furious when I posted.  I guess I was venting more about my anger with my dh, and he does not even see how wrong he was.  He saw it as one addict asking another for help through withdrawal.  I told him that he has no right to talk about her drug use, as long as he is still in active addiction.   He is supposedly waiting to get into rehab through the VA.  There is supposedly a two month wait list.  That may be true, as it is one facility in the county for veterans.  I think that the VA rehab is the best place for him, as I believe that he has PTSD from Vietnam.

  He really is a great guy with a big heart.  He is a big help with my mother, and stayed with my brother during the night when he was on his death bed. He has a whole side to him that I love.  And, I get along with him, but it is complicated when it comes to my dd.  He complicates matters with my dd.

But, I figured out how to bring up topic of smoking when she has my gs.

Hi peaceplease,

I am glad that you are feeling better... .



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I am coming late into your thread - but when I read this, I thought that that might backfire. So, it's good to hear that you have figured out a way around that... .

I am going through something similar with my husband.  He keeps leaving his xanex in his coat or pants pocket instead of in the safe where all our pills belong.  He also opens the safe with our daughter in the room and makes no effort to block dd from seeing him enter the code.  I have talked and talked and talked to him about it.  Finally I changed the code and won't give it to him.  Yesterday his coat was on the bed and I was looking for something.  I moved the coat and heard the pills.  I flipped.  For goodness sake... if it had been our daughter who moved his coat (she goes into our room all the time) well... .

After a death threat he gave me the pills to put in the safe and agreed to only keep 2 pills in his pocket.  It's not like he uses a lot of the xanex but likes to have it near him.