BPDFamily.com

I went three months with virtually no contact with my BPD mother.

Then suddenly some issues came up back home that put me in a situation where I had no choice but to speak with her. I was able to keep the discussion on topic, however that opened a door.

She started sending me and my husband gifts in the mail. I found this very confusing, because until then she had made every effort to both prevent my marriage and/or ignore his existence. I did thank her for the gifts, but I was still extremely wary.

Yesterday she started texting me because she needed to borrow something, and it was a bit of an emergency for her. After much contemplation, I decided to let her borrow it in an effort to keep her compliant if I end up needing her assistance again over the initial situation which I mentioned.

Unfortunately, this led to her sending me 20+ texts asking for additional assistance, and demanding that I meet her in the middle of the night so she could borrow additional equipment. I refused to meet her. However, she started asking for me to meet her again the following morning, to which I also refused.

I feel like I should have known better, but I'm trying hard not to blame myself for this. Once again, I was put in a bad situation. My hope is that once this situation subsides I will have no need to communicate with her again, and I can live my life in peace.

It was a good three-month stretch. Now the queen is back, and I'm terrified that the witch will show up too. Ugh.

Inches tend to turn into miles with people who struggle in boundaries.

Did it kinda feel like you "owed" her because the gifts?

I tend to keep score in that way. If someone does nice for me, I have to repay it tenfold. I think that's a learned experience from my childhood experiences in a dysfunctional family.

It's not really how it works though.