BPDFamily.com

Ok, So I've been grieving my heart out for a while now over my BPDex. It's been the worst pan I've ever felt. I've been so miserable. But I'm starting to notice that's it's turning to anger. I'm mad that I took her abusive crap on a daily basis and didn't leave. If I would have left things would be totally different now. For one she would be the one grieving. Second I would have saved face. As it is she has won. Not only that she is rubbing my nose in it by whoring around. I even broke NC about two weeks ago giving her even more power. I'm mad that she is trapsing around seeming happy when she tortured me for two years then vowing her love for me, setting up a life then splitting on a dime leaving me in the worst situation imaginable. I couldn't have done that to her. Never in a million years. I'm mad that she made a complete fool out of me like you wouldn't believe. I'm mad as hell that I let her. I can't understand why. I knew she was scum from early on. what's up with this pediston I had her on. I want to win. I want the last word. I want her exposed for the devil she is instead of her alliance building behind closed doors with manipulation and lies. I have to admit though, this feels better than grieving my heart out but I want blood now.

You may have lost the battle but ultimately you will win the war. Spend some real time figuring you out, and why you allowed yourself to get sucked into this mess of a relationship with this mess of a female.

Become an emotionally healthy and confident person. So you can have an emotionally healthy and strong relationship with someone who can give you what you need and visa versa.

When your ex is single 45 saggy tits and a cat hoarder because she has ran off any decent man that could have been something real for her and destroyed all her relationships. You will be the triumphant victor! 

Transitioning from grief to anger is a healthy part of detaching and healing; these are the phases you need to go through. I was angry for about six months, and it passes. Just don't do anything you'll regret, channel the anger healthfully, like use it to get in great shape. Take care a you!

I hear you buddy,

So angry I could hardly feel anything else, to be treated so hidiously is shattering. Feeling helpless to do anything. A walking machine wanting pain. I still have revenge fantasies about once a week.

The problem is... .

They still have their hands on you, still have you dancing to their tune. If you do anything violent it will get you further into pain and involvement.

Picture the sly smile on her face when she realises you are still jumping on a stick for her.

Read the boards, they love to involve the cops, more crisis/chaos for them. It's a default setting on them, stops them having to think about their 'feelings'.

We let monsters put their hands on us, maybe never again would be the best outcome. Have we learned anything about ourselves and other people? Can we be strong enough to come back whole? To make something better of ourselves. Be better to ourselves.

Take back yourself, it's coming, it takes time.

Kind people everywhere, and we are focused on demons. Let them stew in their own poison.

What about you? What do you want, what are your joys, what are you.

The very fact she and others like her exist disgusts me. But that is what it is. You make your own life, bring good people in.

Turn the energy of anger into exercise and get yourself healthy. We've spent so much energy in a negative hole. Let go of is she happy/happier now, will the next guy make her whole and normal, it was me.

Nothing you could do would have/will change her or the RS.

Say in your head

Thank The Lord she has gone.

Mean it

Hey buddy, hang in there.  This will be over soon and you will have learned some great things about yourself that will make you happy in the future.   For me, my ex has got the courts involved and now I have to pay for her therapy.   Of course that makes me angry, but I am also learning how to forgive. For me that comes pretty easy and my spiritual growth right now is really great.  Remember that it is not your fault your ex has a serious mental illness and professionals will tell you that it is highly unlikely that they are capable of a healthy relationship. You are better off without her.  Work on yourself to become a better person and you will meet the woman of your dreams.

Hi, friend. I get where you are, I am at exactly the same stage as you. But I have some positive things to tell you.

First, the very fact that you are raging because of harm done to you means that your focus is now in the right place. Sure, it will take some time to process, as you will have to be angry now for all the times that you suppressed it during the relationship, but at the very least you are working on yourself. At the very best, this experience just might make you way less avoidant, which I presume you were too. And that could be a major foundation for your better future. Please note I am not saying she did you a favor nor saying that you should forgive because of greater good - these you will decide yourself one day.

And about your feeling that she has "won". I am glad to tell you that she did not. You see, in order to "win", you need to get something from the competition. She did not get anything, just created a horrible mess and lost something very valuable - you.

Hang in there.

Wow! Thanks guys! every one of you were dead on. I literally teared up as I read your reply's. It's the first time I've cried since this nightmare that has been my life for longer a year and a half. As I type 1 1/2 years it seems like it's been a decade. I've never experienced evil like this. Changingman mentioned how they love to involve the cops. This was her favorite wheapon. i was never violent or even threatening to her. I now have DV charges that she trumped up to deal with simply because the two women cops that showed up believed her crap. And it was total crap!

Whoa Shadowdancer,

Harsh and yet... .

Skankfest z z z  z z z. Z z z

Buddy,

I literally laughed when I saw the title of your thread and read this.  I have a post that I did when I first got here that was very much like this and I remember vividly wanting to be right - screw being happy - I want to be right... . I was pissed off - big time.  Being pissed was good for me, I was productive - seemed that I could see very clearly the entire mess of crap... . very good place to get to.  My workouts were intense, I cleaned and painted my house, made a plan - productive indeed.

I have said to others, take a bath in that anger - roll around in it (don't lash out) and when you have had enough (you will get tired of being angry believe it or not); let it go... . that cry was the biggest cry I had ever had and I felt 100lbs lifted.

Thanks for sharing... . this too shall pass, but in a weird way, it was really a good place for me to get.

Peace,

SB

wow CoasterRider, harsh much?  just for equal airtime, here's an equally uplifting version for the ladies:

when your ex is single 45 saggy~hits the water when he sits on the toilet~balled viagra hoarder because he has ran off any decent woman that could have been something real for him and destroyed all his relationships.  you will be the triumphant victor!

ahhh, that feels better.    |iiii

Gender wars!  Hopefully these saggy people find each other somewhere, maybe a pharmacy or a shrink's waiting room, and create some saggy bliss together.

Don't make me resort to DBT, I'm 52, nothing saggy, lotsa lead in the pencil. I look like I'm in my twenties!

i am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. ~beatles, the walrus

gender wars, hehe.  nah, i meant that light heartedly.  and, if we're lucky we'll ALL live long enough to be saggy somewhere, someday.  :)

trivia alert:  apparently neither breastfeeding nor aging causes saggy breasts.  being pregnant does.  that's not only proven by research but also i can prove it anectdotaly (which may or may not be a real word).  why, just last week my 50 year old 'never had children' friend flashed me and i was horrified ~ she could pass for 16, downright nubile. so there. 

so sorry to hijack this thread!  <fumbling>  oh yeah, I'M PISSED TOO, OP!  :)

Im pissed too, and slightly saggy.