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Just the horrible feeling of betrayal and the hate for me at the end. Yuk might have a shower, toxic cr-p, ball of stress in my stomach. Thought I was washing this out but I can still feel it.

This is hard stuff they activate, might have a walk.

Sorry man, every time you think you have it licked that crappy feeling creeps back in.  It will all be over one day!  Hang in there.

im 2 years NC and I still occasionally have a creepy reflection in my thoughts.

Its good that it feels creepy and negative tho - that will just keep you further and further away from connecting or responding to her.

For the first 6-8 months of NC those feelings were extreme - after a while it has faded.

I'm always glad to know I'm not alone. It hurts to know they feel that way about us and there's nothing we can do because we didn't do anything to deserve those feelings in the first place, other than care.


Take care.

I'm thinking of 'acting out' get drunk, have risky impulsive sex, drive drunk, mess with everyone's head, spread poison, fall in 'love' then manipulate them, betray them, confuse them, cause total destruction in their lives, cry then blame them.

Or maybe not

Yeah that's the difference between them and us. We know it's wrong.

ha! you've got it (them).

you forgot one thing.

and then do it all again... . and again... . and again... . ad infinitum.

and never connect the dots... .

it's stranger than fiction!

b2

 

Changingman, I hope those feelings went away as the day went on. That stuff comes out of the blue, no warning. I thought I saw her car drive by last night, and my heart stopped for a moment. It wasn't her, but the nervousness hung on for awhile. I missed her, briefly, then remembered how she had lied and abused me. So much that I have stayed away. The rest of the night I was relieved she was gone.

Yeah comes and goes, not much to say, just accepting it really.

Still not been around her side of town, big city but it's mine.

I avoided places for awhile too.  Is it getting any better?

Hi Green, sorry haven't replied.

Yes it's better, no still haven't been around her side of town.

It's funny, it has taken me this long to realise my recycles happened within the relationship.

I don't have any trouble now with recycles from her. She will never want to see me ever again. It was really deeply disgusting what she did. No coming back from that. If I'm honest, thee has been a feeling of an adults hands on me, I wasn't interfered with as a child, but I felt something like it at the end. This may be just what this kind of abuse feels like.

Or I felt that along with the other fleas she left me with. Her.

I'm really starting to feel some compassion for her.

Not my problem though. I have other things to sort.

Betrayal is really rough.   It left me feeling pretty violated too.  I avoided places for awhile.   I had to slowly take my time getting some cottage to go about freely.

It's good to hear you have other things to focus on sorting out.   How's that going?   

Yeah changing jobs, needed to sever that time of life (also a new partner joined the company and she was severe BpD terrorizing her young interns, each cried everyday one developed panic attacks. I confided to someone what I thought. She is so manipulative and angry.

Working on kids emotional protection from their BPD mother.

All going well, the kids knew something was wrong, now they can see it.

Not their fault

This is my ex in a nutshell... . wow... . Do they have a manual? I am sorry you are going through this stuff.

Definitely not the kids fault.   Sounds like your relationship with them is getting better.

This has got to tough sometimes balancing the parenting and managing the emotional personal part.   Do you get spend quality time with the kids?   Settling in a bit?

Sorry Greenmango,

Kids from uBPDxw just found out about bPD. I had to bring them up she wasn't able to connect properly with them, she got crazy angry depressed.

I'm their Father, we are a close family (not crazy mum)

5+ months out of udBPDexgf, 4 years she was off the scale.

I seem to like BPD flavour, mum has it.

No more though, knowledge is power

Overall am pretty much over my ex. I have realized that she wasn't good for me. I also don't miss her anymore.

But sometimes, when I have a dream or go to certain places I get triggered as well and think about her... . I feel betrayed then. But it's getting less and and less.

6 month ago we broke up, and 3 month of NC now.