|
Title: Being told you don't understand. Post by: lost not dead on January 22, 2014, 12:56:48 PM I'm in the beginning stages of divorce round two. My Lawyer advised me to keep the kids out of her reach until we have some custody agreement in place. I worked out for my mother to take the kids camping for the weekend until ex leaves town or calms down after being served. Well my mother is afraid of ex and the law which there is nothing illegal about this. We ended up in a painful discussion and she said a favorite phrase of the ex.
You just aren't listening to me so you don't understand. It cut me to the core. Am I not listening? Am I the problem? Or is this a famous tactic used when you won't agree with someone? I know I have some FOO issues but wow. Title: Re: Being told you don't understand. Post by: GreenMango on January 23, 2014, 04:25:48 PM It sounded like she was worried. Listening and validating is an art. It doesn't mean you have to agree with her feelings just that you hear what the person is saying. It sounds like your mom doesn't want to get in the middle because she is scared.
It also sounds like you needed the family support. It can be really disappointing when your folks don't get it or find they can't be in an instance. If you have kids and you still have to deal with your ex brushing up on a few of the staying board tools might help for future. Have you seen them? Title: Re: Being told you don't understand. Post by: santa on January 23, 2014, 05:13:52 PM Yeah, she's going to take off with your kids the first chance she gets. Keep an eye on things.
Anyone who thinks they know better than you is going to say you don't listen when you don't do what they say. Don't let it bother you. Title: Re: Being told you don't understand. Post by: lost not dead on January 23, 2014, 10:18:36 PM Yes it hurts bad not having the support of my own mother. This isn't abnormal though it has been this way as long as I can remember.
I've read a lot of the articles on dealing with her with empathy. I've also read a small library of books on how to deal with a BPD. Her own father and stepmother are telling me not to let her have the kids. I'm just going to have to fort up here at the house with the kids till she leaves town on Sunday night. She has threatened to burn down the house so I don't have a place for the kids. Oh crazy how I hate you. Title: Re: Being told you don't understand. Post by: santa on January 23, 2014, 10:23:59 PM Yes it hurts bad not having the support of my own mother. This isn't abnormal though it has been this way as long as I can remember. I've read a lot of the articles on dealing with her with empathy. I've also read a small library of books on how to deal with a BPD. Her own father and stepmother are telling me not to let her have the kids. I'm just going to have to fort up here at the house with the kids till she leaves town on Sunday night. She has threatened to burn down the house so I don't have a place for the kids. Oh crazy how I hate you. Stay strong, man. I know this is a hard time, but you'll get through it. She's getting frustrated because you're standing up for yourself. Don't fold. Make sure you're documenting these threats. Title: Re: Being told you don't understand. Post by: GreenMango on January 24, 2014, 01:12:14 PM Lost that wouldhurt me too. One of the things I found myself doing after ending things was reevaluating some of my other relationships and looking at who can i really depend on, what type of relationship it was etc. New boundaries. It can be a sad process.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. The Burning down the house is scary. Be safe. Have you notified authorities of her threat? |