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Desertion, followed by an act of perfidy.  Not just an act of betrayal, an act of perfidy. If committed on the field of battle summary execution is the only course of action. It's in the officers manual. Perfidy is forbidden in the rules of the Geneva convention. All is fair in love and war. Before you freak out, think about this. It's warranted.

I'm not saying that I'm going to kill her. What I'm saying is that the bridge is burned. Complete lack of regard for me as a person is not forgiveable. If I don't care for me who will? Killing her would not be taking care of me.

Forget foo issues for a second. Forget your part for a second. Look at what she is and what she has done. Ok, now look at your self. Do you deserve better than desertion and perfidy?

Make no mistake. Your life is very much at stake in your love relationships. Wanna see the scar?

Please hold while I google "perfidy"... . thinking... . thinking... . thinking... . oh, hell, dial up modems... .

Mine would be classified as in this order starting from friendship through round 1 and round 2: alliance, about-face, withdrawal, invasion, empire, withdrawal, devastation, about-face, betrayal, espionage, super invasion, empire, withdrawal, strategic attacks, about-face, betrayal, ruin.

Ironman, I had to laugh at ur military analogies. I would def be in a foxhole with u and Perf during in defense of the BPD invasion! ATTEN-HUT!

Weapon grade BPD

You should have read my earlier posts when i first started posting on this forum, my military analogies were a constant theme(dont worry moderators, i will not write like that anymore  :))

Ironman... How you doing?

Besides job hunting, just trying to let this ordeal sink in fully. I have my good days, and bad days. Ruminations are starting to subside, at least a lot more then first 3 months. Thank you for asking, and yourself Perfidy?

Better, thank you. I'm actually coming out of this with a more compassionate point of view. Not for her of course, but for myself.

My heart is healing nice. Not crooked.

If you have a hearty spirit and the intestinal fortitude to go along with it I got a job pay you a hundred k plus first year. No whining

Your a$s be so busy you won't have time for rumination.

I am glad you are healing correctly. I remember when i first got here reading your posts, you have come a long way. Really?

Yes. It's happening for me. Life goes on. Living and learning. That part sucks when I thought I knew it all come up and bite me in my as$. Wouldn't have been so bad but I can be all as$ at times.

It is a painful lesson to learn. I have become hyper vigilant in the aftermath. I can now detect the signs of BPD in some of my coworkers, etc. Scary.

Yeah... . I hear you. Not the same as having it sleeping next you you. Kid you not. I felt like I was going to be attacked in my sleep. Leads me to wonder.

I can relate(on a much smaller scale) when i spent the last few horrific days in round 2 devaluation in her house. I slept in the same bed with her, but stayed far to the other side. Didnt dare touch her in bed. One of those nights, in the middle if the night, while i had my back to her, she started thrashing her arm on the bed right near my back. I froze. It must have lasted a few minutes. All the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. A feeling of dread came over me. This is the first time i even have described that part of the horror that i witnessed.

You getting therapy?

I've got a few stories like that.

This is that guy feeling about loving ourselves that amounts to self preservation.

What was the thrashing about IMF?  Was she awake ?

No, cant afford it. Along with my depression, is really why it is taking me so long to heal, especially in the aftermath of this. A 2 front war; depression on one side, aftermath of Medusa on the other side, and me in the middle. It is why i envy a lot of you guys on here that dont suffer from depression, etc. It makes everything worse.

I have no idea Unlucky. I just know her thrashing was violent. I honestly thought she was going to hit me. I would have defended myself if that would have occurred, but it scared the living sh¥t out of me. I didnt even recount this to my close friends. Only here.

The suffering. The pain. Depression is a must. Without that we would only have normalcy. Why be normal?

I get that. Totally. But it saps all of your energy. And willpower. And when a pwBPD enters the mix, there is only so much energy to fight off both.

I've got to go to sleep. You two keep a watch on things. Don't let any BPDs sneak in here while I'm asleep.

Perf, two of the times I went to jail for DV; I WAS ACTUALLY SLEEPING.  Awoke to missiles being fired at my face... . it's 7:30-8:00 in the a.m. and the cops were at my house arresting me.

Talk about embarrassment.  Lord, what the neighbors must have thought/still think? 

"Yep, dat der perty house dat dey juss remodeled, dey sum crazy folk, down der."

Got

Yer  back Santa. Get some rest. Your watch next

One two BPD coming for you, three four better lock the door...

thank you perfidy.