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I have been noticing a side of me that wasn't there before... . I have picked up some  in this long term relationship and I desperately want to get rid of them.

What are some of your experiences with what you have picked up and what gets rid of them? Or at least, what makes them stop biting? I'm scratching all over... .

So, are you being metaphorical here?  Fleas?  Several years ago, my ex BPD wife brought me "The Clap" that she contracted from one of her many ___ buddies.  I went on antibiotics and was fine. 

For real fleas I have bombed/fogged my house when my dog had fleas.  They are tough to get rid of.  Pet stores can hook ya up. 

Hmmm... . wonder if that bug bomb would work on my ex?  Just kidding . 

Fiddle

MB... I get that residual crazy. I know it wasn't like that before. It's not severe so I just enjoy it. I am confident it will go away. I just let it pass and don't act on it.

LOL... . Well, I really didn't mean that literally.   Actually meant I got some of the traits and habits that my uBPDh has from being around him for 2 decades... . I am starting to split and see him either really good or really bad. 

Then when I get so close to calling a lawyer I pull back and see how wonderful the good times where. I don't want to leave. Then I get close to him and see how ugly the BPD really is and I want to leave. I'm the one pushing/pulling now.

Then I also can't seem to get a hold of what reality really was... . his version or mine. He believes his lies so much that arguing against him is so draining... . and it makes me question about my version of the truth. If your told 1000x the relationship was great, then why on earth did I have to lock myself in the bathroom in the middle of the night just to cry?

Summing it up, my fleas   are: splitting, push/pull, not recognizing the truth... .

I was just wondering if any one else went through the same thing.

Black and white thinking and anger are a couple of traits that I picked up. I got over the top angry with a friend about uBPDex soon after the r/s collapsed and the black/white thinking was pointed out to me in another forum from a member. The anger subsided, and I try not to think all good or all bad. But yeah, I picked up some fleas after 8 years. What do you expect when you "fuse" w/ these people. Too bad she didn't pick up reasoning, taking ownership of your actions and thinking in the gray area from me.

Right, and mirroring. Too bad she couldn't mirror my work ethic and lack of drug use.

I'll add:

morales and ethics is something she didn't mirror from me either.

My T told me, You do have some abandonment issues.

Because you kept getting abandoned by her. It's understandable.

The more layers there were to the things we didn't deal with,

the more layers there are when we finally do face them.   

How do we get past this? We have to trust ourselves as much as possible.

Start with the basics of who we are and go from there.

Yea... gettin' rid of those fleas... .

I had to go back and figure out what my core trauma was and get it healed. Basically, I'm reparenting myself for what my mom and dad couldn't do for me.

I was alone a lot as a kid. I was bullied pretty badly for a few years, and I was sensitive. I decided the only way for me to quit being bullied was to be pretty and funny. So for a summer I grew out of my awkward teenager - ness, bought a joke book, and let my mouth say whatever I wanted it to say. It worked, I got plenty of friends and wasn't picked on any longer.

However, what happened was I developed a pattern of being a people pleaser. If you don't like me, then you are going to hurt me, right?

Right... that's kid thinking, and it's the kind of thinking that got me into an abusive relationship with a pwBPD.

Cuz you all know I have miraculous powers of healing the mentally ill... . ha ahahahhahahahahha

See? Still pretty and still funny.

Hugs,

L