BPDFamily.com

Was out with friends and we ran into the mutual "acquaintance" my uBPDexbf & I have in common. This person bc they had been drinking decided to start talking about my ex & his new gf.  Apparently, they actually already new each other & have been friends/acquaintances for many years. She is according to the lovely blabber mouth FB friends & real life friends with his sister & a couple of his closer college friends. They both ended up seeing each other's profile come up on the dating app tinder (how he and I met) & they both swiped right which created the match. I kept trying to tell blabber mouth I didn't want to hear it but she wouldn't shut up.  I really don't know how this makes me feel. Let's add to this I went to see the nurse practitioner today who prescribes my adderall & who had also put me on some antidepressant/mood stabilizer back in early December when I met with her & told her how my ex (who I was still with at the time) thinks I'm unhappy & moody. Her solution was to medicate me outside the adderall.  Well here is the thing the whole unhappy/moody was his freaking projections and not how I really felt. My mind wasn't clear when I went in the first time I was doubting my own feelings/reality & started to believe what he was saying. After a month on this med it has made me cry uncontrollably almost every single day once it reached the initial starting therapeutic dose. I'm not someone who cries like that. It was like the real me was there behind the haze going hold on I'm not down in the dumps yet the med messed with my brain to make it think I was way down in the dumps. Umm no so I tell her this and she makes the decision for me to stay on it for another 6 weeks & I'm also to chart my moods. Yeah sorry doc I follow my intuition and the signals my body gives me & being on this med is not good for me when my natural mood prior was normal didn't swing to high or low either way.

IDK I get really frustrated with these docs that misinterpret when I say that I let my ADD kinda get the best of me. I at some point several years ago let my organization/structured system go to the wayside. For someone with ADD that means important papers in random different places, & just a disorganized yet clean mess. What happens for me is that when I have an unorganized cluttered home I get overwhelmed and basically don't know where to start to get it back to organized structure with a system. My brain just gets tired thinking about it & thus my response is to just nap/sleep. Docs jump instantly that that means I'm depressed or sad... . WRONG... . What I actually need is rather simple & I've known it all along I need a life coach or one of those people who make a living helping people organize their homes. That's it folks. Frustrating very frustrating they are all so quick to just medicate.

Sorry I'm now done w/my rant. Thanks for reading.