|
Title: What does sex mean to a BPD and how do they use it as a tool Post by: Pinoypride18 on January 25, 2014, 08:53:08 AM Looking back my BPD ex-girlfriend was easy, we had sex the first week we met and right after the room was empty. We had sex a lot and the best sex of my life so far. But she always wanted the D. Not that i was complaining but it was like she was only satisfied for a little bit and always wanted more. And from reading old letters it seems like when she thought of me she was only thinking of sex.
Now that we have broken up, she has already hooked up with some other guy after only two weeks. And i know she fooling around with him a lot and giving him all the sex he wants. I want to know how to BPD see sex? How do they use it as a tool or weapon? And what are they thinking when they have easy hook up with random guys? Are they trying to hurt the ex or are they really twisted in the head and don't care who they hurt as long as they get some and feel wanted? Do they ever regret these hookups? Title: Re: What does sex mean to a BPD and how do they use it as a tool Post by: maxsterling on January 25, 2014, 10:21:57 AM Probably different for each pwBPD, but I can tell you my girlfriend has admitted to me that in the past she has used sex to make friends, who later turn out to ditch her. She says even back in high school she would sleep with all her friend, male and female. for the purpose of getting closer to them. She said she really had no idea how to make and keep good friends (and she still doesn't). So it was a "sleep with them and they will love me" attitude.
She also says she has used sex as a means of hurting herself,in the same way she has used drugs or food. It something that makes her feel or have some kind of emotion when she is depressed. She says if I knew all the things she did, I would leave her. That statement worries me. But it also worries me that this behavior continued up until the day she met me, so I think it likely to resume in the future. Title: Re: What does sex mean to a BPD and how do they use it as a tool Post by: Seneca on January 25, 2014, 10:51:20 AM I think there are a few schools of thought on this subject, related to their behavior problems:
- risky sex, like unprotected, with strangers, multiples, in public, or affairs is likely related to the self harming or punishing behaviors of pwBPD. Obviously, things like cutting, suicide attempts and drug use are self harm. But behaviors such as risky sex, alcoholism, reckless driving and binge eating are considered part of these behaviors as well. Many do these things because they feel dead or vacant inside and this makes them feel alive and/or distracts them from their emotional pain. - it could also be related to enmeshment and objectification. PwBPD have a hard time identifying where you stop and they begin. They do not like relational or physical boundaries. It literally may feel like they are trying to consume you, get under your skin etc. - it could also relate to their lack of self worth. I think this is a big one for female BPDs. All pwBPD inherently feel worthless inside, and with the women sex can be a manipulation tool to get a man addicted to her so he won't leave her, or to feel that she is worthy because she is so wanted by men. With my uBPDh it was clearly a mix of #1 and #2. He was engaged to some other woman when he unapologetically, recklessly and quickly got me into bed. He never mentioned protection, or asked about my other partners. He visited with me repeatedly while they planned their wedding, bought a house etc, and showed no remorse. After they broke up and we subsequently got married, his sex drive was very high, his attitude in bed was very "anything goes", and not always in a good way, and his self esteem hinged very much on how often we did it and whether it was satisfactory for me. |