BPDFamily.com

Why do I get the feeling my ex is trying to indirectly contact me/find out how I am?

Last Tuesday was my birthday and the Sunday beforehand after 3mths of NC I received an email from her pastor at church asking how I was... .   I only met this man twice and emailed him twice, again 3mths ago, to watch over her for me and that was that.  No more contact. 

Then today I got an email from one of her tutees mums (I arranged this client for her before we broke up) asking for 'my' advice on future schools... . This client hated me 2 mths ago when she discovered my ex wasn't a qualified teacher and quite what she'd sold herself as (and what i'd sold her as), but now she's asking for my advice?  Seems like she kept employing my exBPDgf... .   god, I wonder if they're friends? 

Maybe I'm being paranoid, but this is contact from 2 people who don't really like me, barely know me, and essentially were loyal to her.  And both out of the blue... .  

Urgh, I hate BPD.  It's made my life a bloody misery.  If my ex wanted to contact me, why not phone or email like normal people?  Um... . actually, maybe it's because I titled my last email 'don't even think about replying, I want to live!' 

After a hellish email from her called 'peace' and 'clarity'... .   peace? after all that abuse?  clarity?  -er, you didn't even tell me you had BPD, I had to work it out via the clues! 

Games, so fed up. 

Why can't they all just sod off... .

they love games... . is what makes them feel alive.

Mine seemed soo "alive" when she had to plan Triangulation (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0)s, games, etc...

sorry to hear you are having a rough time... games games indeed games. Do not reach too much into it. crazy making stuff... . better to focus on you. :)

Do you have any mutual friends?

I would think this could be an indirect attempt only because the pastor thing seems a bit strange to me.

Last week I experienced something similar. My ex dumped me right before my birthday (my birthday is right before Thanksgiving and all the holidays). She left me for a mutual friend. That didn't work and now she is on match.com (saw her on there).

So Monday I get an old email forwarded to me with: ?  I ignored it. Got a 2nd email saying: Yikes! Disregard, did not realize this was from last year.

Whatever.

I ignored that.

Now normally I would think, ok, maybe she screwed up and saw this old email and thought it was recent. But the date on it was five days later from the day she sent it (only from last year) and after not responding she "unblocked" me on FB next day.

That was telling.

They like to put out feelers to get into your head. This does not mean they want you back. Sometimes it is just to see if they can f' with your head again, that they still have control.

Try not to read into it. It may be purely coincidence but that is odd (the Pastor part in particular).

Stay NC. It just gets worse (with every breakup). I am two months out after six dumpings. Once you get back a feeling of self worth it makes everything easier!

PW you know what? i now remember... when the BU was starting... . she did something similar with texts... suddenly i would receive a super old text (didnt even know she kept them for so long in her phone)... didnt make sense... .

another similarity. dear me, they are all very similar

Growing,

  It's just to evoke a response. To get you emotional. If you don't respond they move onto the next one in their Rolodex.

We aren't a "special snowflake".

At least not to a BPD.

Once you are on their list you never really get off it but you can grow to the point where whatever they do really has no merit in your life.

yes, they do that indeed. thanks PW... .

DIamond, just ignore... :) we all feel the same

It's just weird.  She didn't give a hoot about me 3 mths ago and was still sending obviously damaging emails... . and now she's almost certainly asking her pastor to email me just before my birthday.  He even contacted me an hour before her church service (yes, I know her that well, like clockwork), so they were probably having coffee together and chatting (she needs constant reassurance from someone, especially a man of god?) 

Just fed up.  Wish she'd grow up and say sorry.  But she won't.  It gives me great joy knowing that my 'help' via work has all run out now due to the end of exams.  She's on her own and life may well be kicking her in the nuts... . hence again, bit nervy about recontact... .  

BPD's make contact when they 'need'... . surprise, surprise... . her bank balance will be 00 now.  Oh, maybe it's worth seeing if Diamond can find her more work?  yuck.