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Title: out medicating again, and my own idolatry Post by: Turkish on January 28, 2014, 01:14:07 AM She left for the gym again, supposedly. I don't know whether to be insulted or not that I know whom she is with. Well over an hour, and an hour sooner than she usually went. Keep my mouth shut. I need this custody order and CS support agreement signed, and then my boundaries slam down. Hard. No more daddy to give her advice and validation.
Taking my own PI, and I can't realize I never realized this, is that I attached because of my desire to be that which I never had: a father. I knew it easnt right from the beginning. Her desire to have S4 so soon, and then D1, when I had strong reservations due to her emotional instability, I conceeded. I love my kids to pieces, but how much have I become like the single moms I used to slam (kind of like my mother), who needed that unconditional love (which I now know is need) of a child to fill my own emptiness? I was never in love so much with her like many here. Probably a better post for the PI board. I'll move there soon next week after she is physcally gone from my house... . Title: Re: out medicating again, and my own idolatry Post by: arn131arn on January 28, 2014, 01:44:54 AM Turk, you are a great father. You DO know this, right? I admire how you have handled this with class... . letting go with grace. You have been a great inspiration for me the past 6 weeks. I dream of the day that I have my boy for the weekend. Pick him up from school on a Friday and go fishing, go hunting, go to the batting cage, play golf, introduce him to black and white television and the three stooges, go anywhere and do whatever we want. Go learn how to be a father. You see, Turk, my ex never let me be one when she was around. She has emeshed him to where it's flat out abuse and alienated him from me since September. Hired the attorney today, he will file for custody rights by the eow. I may Need some advice on how to be a dad... . you are one I will turn to. Don't ever worry about it, ur kids are already proud of you.
Title: Re: out medicating again, and my own idolatry Post by: Turkish on January 28, 2014, 01:47:29 AM And 45 mins after the gym literally almost around the corner closes, she comes home. Do i really need to see or talk to her tonight? Not sad, just mad. But its all my fault for emotionally discarding her, *feh*. T-minus six days... .
Title: Re: out medicating again, and my own idolatry Post by: Turkish on January 28, 2014, 02:05:05 AM Turk, you are a great father. You DO know this, right? I admire how you have handled this with class... . letting go with grace. You have been a great inspiration for me the past 6 weeks. I dream of the day that I have my boy for the weekend. Pick him up from school on a Friday and go fishing, go hunting, go to the batting cage, play golf, introduce him to black and white television and the three stooges, go anywhere and do whatever we want. Go learn how to be a father. You see, Turk, my ex never let me be one when she was around. She has emeshed him to where it's flat out abuse and alienated him from me since September. Hired the attorney today, he will file for custody rights by the eow. I may Need some advice on how to be a dad... . you are one I will turn to. Don't ever worry about it, ur kids are already proud of you. Thanks, Arn. Your words bring tears to my eyes, for me, for you. I've been drinking more than a few in the backyard, but have been going in and checking on my kids every 10 mins. Stopping that bs soon... . I want to take my kids fishing like the father I never had. So will you. Keep fighting the good fight. Title: Re: out medicating again, and my own idolatry Post by: Changingman on January 28, 2014, 05:07:05 AM The 'baton' has been passed to you now Turkish, do your best.
When oxygen masks fall down in a plane you are advised to put your own one on first. Then the kids. That is stone cold truth Good luck Dad |