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I told her half an hour ago id be in my "office" (like The Fonze), which is in the backyard having a few, surfing,.texting, drinking a few. I told her to shut off the linside light so i'd know she left, and I'd check on the kids every ten mins or so until she got home. But she had to open the slider and verbally tell me she was leaving. *sigh* this always bugged me, the need for constant contact and reassurance. The fear of her being alone. I always was alone from being a baby, basically. I do not fear it, and the clinging quickly grew to bug me... . years ago.  Maybe this BPD thing is all in my head and we just weren't compatible.

Turk,

Mine has had a nursing job and has been living with her sister, now moved to her mother's and is staying at my replacement's on a nightly basis.

Anyway, I don't think they can be alone.  At any time of the day at any length of time at all.

My ex is a magnet, clinging and needing postives to attract her negativities.

I am sure that is why she hasn't found her own place yet.  To hell with our son, he can sleep with his grandmother every night

After mine was left by her previous love and was devastated,.she was literally walking down the street and some guy commented how pretty she was. He said, no, really!  She got into a r/s with him (which she said embarrassed even her sexually). She ended up moving him in with her for two weeks. He stole her car. She kicked him out and got a RO against him. He ended up in the county jail a few months later on something else. She was so desparate for validation of her worth that she literally took the first idiot who came along. Just like this time... . 3 worst fears she operates upon: being cheated upon, being abandoned (kind of the same thing), and being alone. She projected the second onto me (she has some point to that), became the physical manifestation of the first two. Soon she will be the third, but that is the easiest to medicate away.

Those who operate off of their fears are firever lost.

Turk, I have been wrapped up in dysfunctional thoughts since my bogus RO last week came by our city's finest.  I have talked to her dad about custody for the last time a few days ago.  I am still being sucked into her chaotic life even though I have been NC from her for over 6 weeks now.  I retained an attorney yesterday, I am think because I have been in constant contact with her father about custody, I haven't been giving myself a chance to truly detach.

Anyway, another sit down with her dad last night to discuss, we are still worlds away because she refuses to give me anything I ask for.  BUt all this does is trigger me.  All day I keep telling myself that she is going to make it work with this new guy bc he has money and whatever fears or lack of validation that comes her way in this new relationship she will just deal with it bc he has money, and that will make her feel complete or successful, because that 's what she deems successful.

But after reading your last post, I am reminded that she does have BD, because my ex and your stbx are one in the same.

I needed to read that tonight.  That they are operating on those three worse fears... .

Thanks,

Arn