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I'm feeling so low right now... . I don't know why.  I don't know why I am ruminating and just can't let go of my anger.

Me too but it's more self hate than anger... . and a sense of abandonment... .

we are here 

I am feeling the same as you. I am so sorry because I know how hard it is and how badly it hurts. 

I'm in the same place, Mazda. Hang in there - we have your back. If it helps to talk about it here, let us know what's going on. I'm sure there are at least a few kazillion people on this board who can relate completely!

I know you might not feel this way, but to me, anger is a blessing. Anger signifies that you know you were worth more than you got. To truly get over the anger you will have to forgive. I'm slowly learning to forgive, for myself, not for her. I forgive by realizing that she did the best she could. In fact, everyone does the best they can, just most of the time our best isn't good enough. Anyways, I hope you feel better. This is an awfully difficult thing to go through. Even though I've intellectually moved beyond it... . emotionally I'm destroyed and suffer from severe emotional disassociation. It makes it very hard for me to heal. So if you got your anger, I consider you lucky... . sometimes I wish I could find mine.

I can relate. I held on to a lot of anger. Which in turn led to self-doubt. Did I really cause all of the pain? Did I not give enough support? Was it me that withdrew? Am I really that looser she told me she saw?

It took a lot of time, and personal inventory to come to the conclusion that I wasn't the only one to blame. Did I make mistakes? Sure I did. But I also invested a lot of time and energy to make changes. I realized that I was the only one trying to make changes. If only one person works on the problem, nothing is going to get better.

Time and distance helped me. So did some validations from friends and family welcoming the real me back.