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Typical of my stbexBPDw she knew she was not going to get her way if we went to court so she tried to go around. She got arrested for assaulting me Dec 30 and come to find out she filed for divorce on Jan7. She filed in another county and never had me served. I followed the advise of the book Splitting stayed firm that I was filing and wanted to try and do this civilly.  She never mentiomed a word. My L couldn't even find it because the DA in the county had trouble finding it. They both said looks like she was trying for a default judgement. Her petition was full of projection distortions and lies. She was trying to claim I had disappeared and couldnt be found so she wanted full custody of the children and exclusive rights to all marital assets. I have custody of the kids and always have. I live in our marital home and have for the last 7 years without her. I even called her L before he filed the petition gave him my number and address and told him call me when the papers are ready so I can personally come and pick them up.

This stuff is unreal.  I hope the judge isn't blind and maybe even punishes her for this kind of stuff.

Be prepared for a typical reality:  The fix will get done but she won't be 'punished'.

The person behaving poorly will seldom get consequences and the person behaving properly will seldom get credit.

Does she live in that county or in yours?

However, now that you know a divorce is inevitable and not just a simple retaliation, go ahead and file in your own county (or if legally required then file in that county that the case be transferred to your county of residence where the children reside).  You should make sure all this is documented before the court and "on the record" probably in the paperwork but especially when appearing for the temporary order.

• her recent arrest and other applicable history (be aware DV may be considered an adult behavior and not reflective of her parenting behavior)



• her attempt to file elsewhere stating unsubstantiated allegations and falsely stating you couldn't be found



• anything else that is relevant to the temp order, giving priority to parenting issues, child exchanges, etc

For example, your position ought to be along these lines... . You honor, her recent activities, including trying to obtain custody on unsubstantiated and outright false claims, demonstrates she cannot have the children's best interests as her priority, while I do.  She cannot share "her" children and would continue to obstruct my parenting, while I can share "our" children as appropriate and not obstruct her ordered parenting.  Therefore, I am asking for temporary custody and as much parenting time as possible in the temporary order while the professionals such as parenting investigators or custody evaluators determine the best long term needs of the children.

Most lawyers will instruct their clients "keep silent!" because they don't want them to say the wrong thing that will sabotage their own cases.  Most temp order hearings are brief, maybe a half hour or so, not much time for a difficult case.  You have to try to get the best temp order for yourself, that means listing as many of her misdeeds as possible.  Prioritize them,  in case the judge doesn't let you finish going down your lengthy list.  What you don't want is to have your lawyer tell you what mine told me, ":)on't worry, we'll fix it later."  New flash... . "Fix it later" turned out to be two years later in the Final Decree.  Yes, most of our high conflict divorces last a year or two and sometimes even longer.