BPDFamily.com

I now, thanks to some friends, have a complete picture of what happened with my ex BPD gf.  Her twin sister set her up with another guy and this helped push us toward the break up.  Unfortunately for my ex the new thing didn't really work out and now she's alone.  I guess she has told her sisters that she feels like she might have made a mistake. 

I sent her an email after a month of NC asking her to speak with me so I could find some type of closure.  She was so nice and while I noticed some weird things when talking to her I did really appreciate how kind and supportive she was.  I waited to talk to my friends who eventually told me about the replacement until after I spoke with her, never getting my hopes up and keeping my anger with her under control. 

The ex wants to talk again this Sunday, but who knows if I'll hear from her.  I honestly don't know what I should do.  My friends said I should tell her I have a guy feeling there was another guy involved and see what she does, though I honestly just feel like I'd be torturing someone less fortunate than me.  What do any of you think? 

do you want to go back with her?

from your message sounds like you do?

after knowing a lot more about BPD, what is your perspective on returning to her?

I do not want her back.  I've had some time to think about this and I couldn't ever do it again.  If she cheated on me again I wouldn't be able to survive it and I know my trust issues would wear her down till she fell apart or left me in the dust again.   

I really wanted to know, should I call her out about this other guy.  I realize now that I don't need to.  She's screwed up and she knows it.  Knowing what I know about those suffering from BPD I'd feel like a real ass breaking her down.  No I don't want her back, I'd end up hurting myself with a move like that.  I just want to meet someone who's willing to work on their issues and accept that I'm working on mine.  I'm 37, I'll be 38 in March and I am coming to realize I'll likely never have kids, never have a family, and I'll probably live out my last days alone. 

So here's my game plan:  Build a great career, become as wealthy as possible, and find a way to leave some impact on the world. 

You're still young, dude. You've still got time. You can probably still pull chicks in their mid-20's for another 10 years. Don't sweat it. Just try to be the best you that you can be and the ladies will appreciate it.

Hey I know I can still get women that are younger, I don't really care about all that though.  What I'm really disappointed in is the amount of unhealthy stuff that I have projected my way that I just can't deal with. 

One thing to try is write a list of how you see yourself. What are your good traits and what do you need to work on? Really be honest with yourself. Write another list of what she projected. Compare these two lists. How much of what she said does not apply to who you really are? Even better, disregard her projections. It doesn't matter how she sees you. How you see yourself is what is most important.

I think a problem I have that puts me in these spots is that I move too fast in my relationships. If a woman wants to go slow, I cool off on her. I've been more receptive to the ones that are hot and heavy quickly. I think it's a flaw that I have that I do this. Maybe lonely child or whatever the psych term for it is. I need to work on it. I think to try to remedy this, I'm going to be more patient. Hopefully it'll help.